A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I hope someone can give some good advice or make me think a different way. My boyfriend and I have been together about a 1- 1/2. When we met he seemed to be everything I was looking for. He was very caring, attentive, always wanted me there, interested in everything I was doing...etc. I'm not at all a needy person... I would say he's definitely more of the 'can't be alone' type than myself. I know in relationships you get comfortable around each other. The honeymoon phase goes and then you're in reality. But, I feel like my boyfriend really takes me for granted. I'm thankful that he wants me here every day and night and always wants to snuggle on the couch every night. The problem is snuggling on the couch is at the end of the day when no one or nothing else is around or going on. In times other than that I feel like I'm at the bottom of his mind. Here's an example (and this is a small example): before, he'd text me all the time which I wasn't a big texter. I actually had to get unlimited texting because of him LOL! When I moved in with him I certainly did not expect him to text me like that at all. I've noticed when he gets text (even from guys he works with and sees everyday) he ALWAYS text them back usually immediately. If I text him for whatever reason (which isn't that much)... I NEVER get a response... even if it's something semi-important. I get no response. Everything seems to about him now too and has to go around what he has going on. Even our sex life has turned to that. I don't initiate anymore because the times I have, again, no response. I feel like if I'm talking to him most of the time he's not even looking at me so I never know if he's even hearing me (unless it's something that HE'S interested in). It's even worse if we're around a bunch of people. Sometimes I feel like just air and I have to hit him on the shoulder to get him to pay attention. It's made me feel disconnected from him. I've tried explaining how I feel, but I don't see much of a change. He says he knows he gets distracted and he likes when I tell him how I feel. But, again nothing seems to change or if it does only for a short time. He also talks to me in a different, more of a rude way than anyone else. He's happy-go-lucky, mr. charming most of the time around everyone else. With me he's mr. pessimistic with a very sarcastic attitude all too often. We've gotten into so blow out fights because of his attitude and the way he talks to me because I ALWAYS stand up for myself. He's not physically violent or anything like that. He can be the nicest, most loving person, but if something is not going right he blows up and I'm usually the ones who hears it. It's projected at me and he doesn't see it.I just do not know how to talk to him about all of this because we've gotten into fight after fight about it. I'm tired of talking about it, but I'm not any happier. What should I do???
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female
reader, OhGetReal +, writes (20 August 2010):
 Put his damn phone if the freezer and take up golf together or find some fun activities outside of the house that just the two of you can enjoy and make it a no phone zone.
Set some boundaries about his phone texting, as in don't text whie I am talking to you.
And yes, it helps if you don't stop being your own person and doing the things that make you happy as hanging around a sourpuss boyfriend that takes you for granted will make anyone miserable.
If his attention doesn't pick up when you stop catering to his every need, then there is something else going on, but we women make a huge mistake when we start taking care of a man when he can take care of himself, and we don't set some boundaries for ourselves and our relationship...because if you act like a doormat you will get tread all over.
Stand up for yourself, don't fight over the texts, what your issue is is your lack of intimacy, and that is a dying art for a lot of people in our society today and technology is the main culprit, we all are glued to our damn iPods, computers and phones, and we find it impossible to sit still with another human being and be intimate. Ask him if he wants a relationship with his cell phone, or with you? I'm dead serious, ask him.
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