A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I know this may seem obvious and I'm sure most of you will right away say it is wrong and I shouldnt be texting him, but let me give you the full story and please reserve your judgement until then!I met a guy on Saturday night whilst out with a group of friends, he is a colleague of one of my male friends. We all had a good night, and in particular me and this guy got on really well and had laugh. He told me right away he has a girlfriend, and yes I will admit I was a little disappointed because it is not often you meet an attractive guy who you click with so well. But anyway, he has a girlfriend so that was that. We were both a little drunk (nothing happened) so I cant quite remember how this happened but we exchanged numbers. We have been texting on and off since Saturday, nothing flirtateous or sexual at all, just friendly, funny texts (he is a really funny guy). My worry is that because we have just met, is this odd to be texting each other and to start a new friendship when he is in a relationship? I know if I had a boyfriend that had met a friend's female friend on a night out and then they became friends, I would find it weird. Having opposite sex friends is normally fine when you have known that friend longer than you have been with your partner, so what are the rules in making new friends with a person of the opposite sex? I am well aware he has a girlfriend and would never dream of trying to make anything happen between us, I am not that sort of person plus there are plenty more fish in the sea! But I would like to stay friends if possible as we get on so well and have such a laugh, but I dont know if this is bad considering his girlfriend in all this? I'm sure any girl would struggle knowing her boyfriend had made a new female friend and they text each other occcasionally - even if the texting is harmless and not flirty at all, the whole 'new female friend' thing must seem odd. Any thoughts?
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female
reader, iloveblue  +, writes (17 August 2011):
 Actually, there is not such a problem as this one as long as you have clean intentions. However, it is more advisable that you slow down contacting this person. Friends yes, but do not text him back and forth as if you are the only person in his life. You can still be friends anyway without texting/calling, right? Remember that he has a girlfriend too.I am a girlfriend of someone and if I see him texting a girl, even though it is just pure platonic messages they share, I would be offended if they text more than twice a day. I am not just a girlfriend, I am also his friend so why bother texting others when he has me?The same is true with my boyfriend, I sometimes get calls or texts from guys I am friends with even before I met him and he does not like it at all. One call is enough for a month for updates, he said. Unless there's an emergency or a very important need to communicate.It is not very wrong but it is best for you to avoid talking to the opposite sex who are already in relationships. And especially if you think they are attractive. However we deny it, finding him/her attractive could fuel a desire beyond friendship with this person and surely we don't want to be the reason of hurt and pain for other people.Lastly, imagine yourself as the gf and maybe just this one will make you rethink why you should slow down on this.Wish you all the best.
A
female
reader, Battista +, writes (17 August 2011):
I'm not convinced you can be such good mates as you hardly know each other. You've only met once. If you wanted to make friends with him I would think it is better to get together face to face, with this guy's gf and maybe some other people involved. I personally think it's a bit strange to be texting someone in this way. I wouldn't repeatedly texting a new female friend I had only met once on a night out, for example. I would much rather go for a coffee or a drink.
I do think you seem to be very thoughtful though, and it is good that you are putting yourself in his gf's shoes. Get a group of friends together and go out. Then you will be able to gauge the situation a bit better.
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A
male
reader, soon567  +, writes (17 August 2011):
I read some of these response's, but theyre off the mark. Each of us are individuals and therefore we have a life to live. Ever action deserves a reaction, if he make advance on you and still date his gf than you know he's a cheater. Cheaters cheat!Nothing wrong in two people communcate, no matter if it his gf or wife, its up to he/she to be faithful. Theyre relationship has nothing to do with anyone but them as long as it leagal. If your intention is to date him or FWB him then its up to him to put you in your place.Most relationship are father/daughter type, she needs permission in order to communicate with the opposite sex, i never treated my wife like that, she was free to do as she please. Its call trust, no trust no relationship. You need to be honest or at least honest with urself, you and i know your hoping for more out of this, you know good and well that he can talk to whomever he wants, you see her as a treat so your defensive or up already. I for one dont see anything wrong with it. My ex-wife had a bf when i met her the only different is, i told him upfront she'll be mine. I was marry to her for 20 years. When you in in a relationship youre sharing you life with them, yourenot becoming their property.Dont pretend that you dont want something that you do.
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I see no problem with is but i suggest you also manage to befriend his GF as much as possible so that she does not view you as a threat.
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A
female
reader, person12345 +, writes (17 August 2011):
 I'm wondering what your intentions are though, really. Logically, you know he has a girlfriend and you don't want to wreck that. But deep-down I'm guessing those feelings are still there and you're hoping it will somehow evolve into something. But so long as you do intend to JUST be friends, I don't see anything wrong. Just make sure not to text him at night, for some reason texting people after the sun goes down tends to set off red flags.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): If you had known him years then ok. I do believe you are kidding yourself. If you didnt find him attractive then would you want to text still? You are lining yourself up to be used and you will end up very hurt.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 August 2011): Good on you for having the right attitude, there are so many people out there that just wouldn't care they have a girlfriend and I read so many stories on here that make me so angry. But If I was in his girlfriends position I would be worried and not like the idea of him having a female friend that he is texting ALL the time. To text occaisionally is fine but all the time might just be too much. I personally wouldn't like my fella having a female friend but that comes from me going through a bad experiance and I know I need to deal with that and I will. Is he being honest with his girlfriend about you? Does she know that he is texting you and if so it would maybe be nice for her to meet you too. Normally when you are in a relationship you do a lot of things together anyway and perhaps that would be nice and then she may realise then that she has nothing to worry about but if he hasn't told her about you then maybe you shouldn't be texting him, I would perhaps ask him because as long as he is honest and upfront there is nothing to worry about. Sorry I can't be of more help but that is the best advice I can give based on my experience....good luck
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A
male
reader, Daniel the love doctor +, writes (17 August 2011):
 You could definitely put his relationship with his girlfriend in a difficult position if you continue to text/talk to this guy. Should his girlfriend find/read some of the texts, she may be wondering..."who is this girl that he's talking to?" and when she brings it up to him- an argument can occur.
One way to make her a feel a little at ease is to actually talk to her. Connect with her on some level and let her know that if you was in her shoes you may've found it a bit weird that your man has a new friend...and it's a girl. But you're not looking to pursue anything more than a friendship with him (you actually could could let him know that part of it as well), and you wanted to let her know that yourself.
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