A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I need help becoming a better person. My mom has progressive MS and my brother is autistic and at home. And I rarely take them out anywhere or do stuff for them. I just never feel like it lately.Writing this makes me cringe, but it's true. For about a year now I'm getting more and more detached and hollow. This is my last year of Uni but I feel lost. My school has been blasted in the media before summer break and I never found my footing in the field of education I pursue. Getting bad grades or just the idea of missing a deadline used to give me heart palpitations. Now I don't care. I have problems motivating myself to get up and do something at all. My brother was telling me this story the other day. He tells it like he always does, full of details that don't matter. I used to be able to put up with it, listen and sift through the insignificant stuff to grasp the heart of the story and engage him in conversation. Now I find myself just zoning out and I catch him repeating things because he can tell I didn't pay attention. Every time he tells a story I can't wait for it to be done.My mom is looking forward to this concert of her one and only favorite musician in december. It's the only music she ever listens to and it's the only event she has to be excited about and she can't shut up about it. She asks to listen to his music through speaker every day and while I used to be fine with it I find myself grimacing every time I hear that same voice again. My uncle (her brother) is going with her to the concert (plus help) because he also likes the music. I'm happy for her but at the same time relieved I don't have to go. The thought of the hassle alone makes me feel dead tired. This is the last year of my studies and should be the last year of me living at home. I help with the income, I support myself, but while I used to be on top of all the household duties I find myself slacking a lot. I forget to put things in the dishwasher, I forget to hang the laundry out to dry after it's been washed or I forget to take it inside when it starts to rain. I used to be a creative cook, but I don't feel hungry at all lately, which doesn't exactly inspire. I feel like such a horrible person. I know I need to suck it up and be an adult about things, stop being selfish and I used to have that mindset. Now I'm just tired all the time. I don't know what a burn-out feels like, but I do feel like I'm running out of fuel. I don't expect you guys to have all the answers, and yes you may judge me (I do) but if you know a way to get out of this cycle I'm in, it would be greatly appreciated.
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reader, anonymous, writes (27 August 2012): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for your replies.
Unfortunately, outside of school and home, I don't really have any hobbies I can pursue. I used to go to the gym nearby to let off some steam, but a guy there who's about 20 years my senior started harassing me, trying to get me to come with him, basically trying to talk his way into my pants. I reported him to the staff, but he's like one of the most loyal members and he has a lot of friends, so they wouldn't kick him out. I left instead.
Every other hobby I had (dancing, yoga) is either at a time that doesn't fit my schedule or too far away. I try to practice at home but we don't have a lot of space so it's not the same.
I've thought about seeking help, but that would mean admitting to my parents I'm crumbling and we're all barely holding things together as it is. Then again, I don't want to have a total breakdown either.
@ Candid Kelly: I did get my bloodwork done and the doctor says I'm fine, so that's not it. I'm trying to clean up my diet, though, as I have been slacking in that department.
My uni doesn't have a counseling center I know of, and no-one I asked actually does know. They don't really cater to students' needs. For example, I miss out on a lot of essential info because being at the final year means I have no mentor anymore. I have to keep an eye on everything myself and ask around and half of the time I get referred to someone else who doesn't know either. There's a reason my school got blasted and this is one of them.
Anyway, sorry if I sound pessimistic, I guess I'm just tired.
A
male
reader, no nonsense Aidan  +, writes (24 August 2012):
Firstly, stop blaming yourself. No-one is judging you, no-one thinks you’re selfish or a bad person. It sounds like you are absolutely exhausted: a lot of students find that they enter in to this apathetic cycle where life seems to overwhelm them in their final year of study, even without the additional pressures and challenges you face. That’s the first thing to remember: it’s okay to feel irritable, frustrated and sad sometimes. You’re only human. I wonder what do you have in your own right? Outside of work and studying, do you spend all your time with your mother and brother, or do you ever get a break? If you can, you should speak to other family members and see if they are able to help you out a bit: for example looking after your mother so you can spend time with friends, or doing something else you enjoy. IT doesn’t mean that you love them any less to admit that their needs pile down on you sometimes and it all gets too much. You should also try and find some young carer support groups, and speak to your university’s welfare officers and ask for help. After so many years keeping on top of things, it’s going to be very hard to admit that you need some help and that you’re struggling, but take the plunge and do it. No-one will judge you, or believe that you love your family any less. Everyone needs time out for themselves. The reason why you feel this way is probably because you are exhausted and running on empty, you need help. If you still feel this way further down the line you might need to consider that depression may be part of your problem and see a doctor, but before considering that you should try and get some help managing the struggles you have in your life. And do your very best not to get stuck in the mindset that when you’re not on top of things, you’re failing. You are not. What you need to do is face that tough challenge of asking for intervention, it will be a very worthwhile thing to do.
I wish you all the very best.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (24 August 2012): It sounds to me like you are suffering from depression. People with depression tend to shut out the outside world and this is exactly what you are doing. I agree with the below question, see a doctor and they will help you get back on track. But just remember it is not your fault, depression isn't something you control so do not make yourself worse by thinking you are a bad person xx
Good luck sweetie x
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A
female
reader, Candid Cally +, writes (24 August 2012):
It is in your best interest to see a doctor. You need a physical including bloodwork. Also, you should visit your university's counseling center. They can provide you with support to help you through your last year.
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