A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:How do you tell an ex you dont want to try again a THIRD time in the nicest possible way?My ex lied a couple of times, we split, but tried again, it didnt work out again. That was begining of the yr. We are friends and thats fine, but recently he's been trying to convince me we should give it another go, slowly. Ive explained that i dont want to, that the love went after the things he let me down about and although i love him as a mate or brother, thats it. And i said i will always be here as a mate as long as he wants that.But he's going on about going to counselling, to see if in the future we could work it out. Says basically i'm going to have the same thing happen again in the future with whoever im with so counselling might be good. I said er no, because i wont forgive lying again. Its almost like he trivialises the things he put me through. And thinks i have issues?I know that the issues we had in the past will always rear their ugly heads, i'm even admitting thats from my side, and i cant help that and its the reason i wont go there again. Is that so wrong? Atleast i'm being honest?But how do i get him to accept that there wont be any going back? In the nicest possible way. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Agreed with the Aunts here! ANd dear, you are right..your relationship is dysfunctional-it's time to call this a day. You guys have given this 3 trys and it's not working. And realize, dating couples break up everyday, globally and each situation is unique. So you do want to break up kindly but maturity is essential to pulling this off in the best way. You want this to be a clean break, straighforward--so that you can both move on with your lives and find others better suited for you both. Tell him a relationship really needs two people who are honest, caring and respectful. It's plain to see that this is not the case here. So if one of you, doesn't want to be in this relationship any more, it really makes sense for 'both' of you to end it, together. That's the message to get across to him.
This will be hard but you learn from it. But you learn to be strong and do something for yourself and that is ...moving on from someone who is not treating you well and learning, that their is 'a life after him'. So you want to end this'face to face, somewhere private and quiet. Sit down and explain to him, as truthfully as you can. Don not get into pandering him with insincere quotes such as: "I still love you, let's be friends, maybe we can get back together later". Guys hate that. They want honesty, even though he wasn't honest with you in the relationship, you still want to show him that you did your best to base this relationship on honesty, trust and dependability, so don't prove to yourself, that you're unworthy of that in the final hour.
If your bf has questions, answer them as fairly as you can, but without going into any blame-finding. There is always fault on both sides in a relationship that fails. Breaking up is more about you both being able to find "closure and giving a decent burial" to this relationship so you are able to then move on to new experiences. So..be strong and end this cleanly. If he gets angry, disrespectful-then you will need to be mature and persevere. Tell him "this is the way it has to be.---goodbye' and good luck and get up and leave. And do not contact him. The break in contatc is a must, do you can move on. He will survive. Really he will and for goodness sake, don't feel guilt or pity. Those are useless feelings when breaking up with someone. Females get caught up in this emotional turmoil so much. Those feelings are likely what kept you stuck in this rut, in the first place..so be incredibly detached and very, very strong!
You will need space and time to heal, recover..a few months. Spend that time with people like family and trusted good friends, who love you. You will need their support. And try hard to take a positive attitude and look back on your time together as a life learning experience which just didn't work out the way you'd originally hoped. There is no easy to break up with a bf..just remember to be honest. The sooner you do it...the sooner both of you can heal from this and move on with your individual lives. Good luck to you both and I wish you strength. Take care, hun.
A
male
reader, LazyGuy  +, writes (29 March 2008):
 What I fail to understand if he put you through so much why you still hang around him. Love him as a mate/brother? Then it can't have been too bad.
The secret to ending a relationship is to END IT. Walk away, don't look back and don't make contact.
Why would you want to tell him this nicely? He hurt you, tell him to go to hell. Until you are able to do that this ex will keep hounding you.
"Zachte heel-meesters maken stinkende wonden" Literal translation "soft (as in bleeding heart) doctors make stinking wounds"
Be cruel to be kind.
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): Just be strong and tell him you dont want to try again. Tell him everything that you have told us, that you dont want to try again. Stop being in touch with him and move on. Tell that you want to move on and you dont want to hear from him again. You will have to cut off all ties and stop texting and phoning each other. Take each day as it comes. My ex was just the same and it took time but eventually he did get the message and moved on, but you need to be strong.
take care
xx
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 March 2008): If you're serious about not going back, then stop talking to him. All the while you're talking, he is trying to get under your skin. You cannot be friends so stop thinking you ever will be. He will always be trying to get into your life. Stop talking to him.
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