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male
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anonymous
writes: although my wife's affair has ended I cannot stop thinking about it, even during sex. another major problem is her friends and family who knew about the affair, her sister even let her use her flat, other friends lied for her, other friends socialized with him,I feel I have been betrayed by everyone I know. can I overcome these feelings of betrayal?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (21 July 2006): Wow you get better answers then I did. My husband cheated on me, but he possibly has a baby coming as a result. I know what caused mine, he got into drugs and I was in denial. We are trying to work through this but I don't know how to stop thinking about it either. We are not about to have any sexual relationship at all because of how he has made me feel. He cries and gets mad alot, says how sorry he is but I can't worry about anything except my family, our children and what he has done to all of us as a result of his irresponsiblity. I wish you luck. I believe in love and I believe in marriage. It sounds as though you do to. It would be great if someone had the magic answer but noone can tell you it, you have to find it in your heart.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): To regain trust in someone you love who has betrayed you so badly, will take a lot of time and understanding on your part.
If you are prepared to find the solutions, you must be prepared to see all the problems... that means the problems within yourself as well as your marriage.
I believe once you know why your loved ones (your wife, her family, your friends) did this to you, then you may be in a better position to understand and then hopefully you can come to terms with these feelings of betrayal. You may not agree with the reasons, but at least you'll have some answers to go by.
You say her affair is now over, so I take it that you've worked things out with her? you have forgiven her? & you have taken her her back with all intentions of moving forward have you not? You're doing so well, that you're making love to her again. So keep up the good work & remember, a marriage relationship is always hard work - it takes the two of you to make it or break it.
The more you obsess about the past wrong-doings, the more it will destroy any hope of a positive future. Your wife must have apologised for her actions? & for hurting you?, and therefore you must have accepted that apology did you not? So stop obsessing and feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, it happened, yes it hurt like hell, but hey, you're a man, you can get over this.
if you still have friends that helped your wife to cheat on you - ask yourself - why are you friends with these people? Ask yourself - do you need people like that in your life? Yes, they hurt you - they betrayed you - but you need to get over it. Its all your very own choice - dump them or forgive them. Its really up to you.
Ask yourself, why, while making love to your wife, are you thinking of the past which has already been dealt with? Why are you obsessing over it? Are you prepared for the consequenses of this obsession?
I think you know what to do now. You know what is best for your life with your wife. You know what kind of people you want to share your friendship with and you know you'll be ok. Everything will be just fine because it was your choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, Tunda2100 +, writes (10 July 2006):
To regain trust in someone you love who has betrayed you so badly, will take a lot of time and understanding on your part.
If you are prepared to find the solutions, you must be prepared to see all the problems... that means the problems within yourself as well as your marriage.
I believe once you know why your loved ones (your wife, her family, your friends) did this to you, then you may be in a better position to understand and then hopefully you can come to terms with these feelings of betrayal. You may not agree with the reasons, but at least you'll have some answers to go by.
You say her affair is now over, so I take it that you've worked things out with her? you have forgiven her? & you have taken her her back with all intentions of moving forward have you not? You're doing so well, that you're making love to her again. So keep up the good work & remember, a marriage relationship is always hard work - it takes the two of you to make it or break it.
The more you obsess about the past wrong-doings, the more it will destroy any hope of a positive future. Your wife must have apologised for her actions? & for hurting you?, and therefore you must have accepted that apology did you not? So stop obsessing and feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, it happened, yes it hurt like hell, but hey, you're a man, you can get over this.
if you still have friends that helped your wife to cheat on you - ask yourself - why are you friends with these people? Ask yourself - do you need people like that in your life? Yes, they hurt you - they betrayed you - but you need to get over it. Its all your very own choice - dump them or forgive them. Its really up to you.
Ask yourself, why, while making love to your wife, are you thinking of the past which has already been dealt with? Why are you obsessing over it? Are you prepared for the consequenses of this obsession?
I think you know what to do now. You know what is best for your life with your wife. You know what kind of people you want to share your friendship with and you know you'll be ok. Everything will be just fine because it was your choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): To regain trust in someone you love who has betrayed you so badly, will take a lot of time and understanding on your part.
If you are prepared to find the solutions, you must be prepared to see all the problems... that means the problems within yourself as well as your marriage.
I believe once you know why your loved ones (your wife, her family, your friends) did this to you, then you may be in a better position to understand and then hopefully you can come to terms with these feelings of betrayal. You may not agree with the reasons, but at least you'll have some answers to go by.
You say her affair is now over, so I take it that you've worked things out with her? you have forgiven her? & you have taken her her back with all intentions of moving forward have you not? You're doing so well, that you're making love to her again. So keep up the good work & remember, a marriage relationship is hard work - it takes two people to make it happen.
The more you obsess about the past wrong-doings, the more it will destroy any hope of a positive future. Your wife must have apologised for her actions? & for hurting you?, and therefore you must have accepted that apology did you not? So stop obsessing and feeling sorry for yourself. Yes, it happened, yes it hurt like hell, but hey, you're a man, you can get over this.
if you still have friends that helped your wife to cheat on you - ask yourself - why are you friends with these people? Ask yourself - do you need people like that in your life? Yes, they hurt you - they betrayed you - but you need to get over it. Its all your very own choice - dump them or forgive them. Its really up to you.
Ask yourself, why, while making love to your wife, are you thinking of the past which has already been dealt with? Why are you obsessing over it? Are you prepared for the consequenses of this obsession?
I think you know what to do now. You know what is best for your life with your wife. You know what kind of people you want to share your friendship with and you know you'll be ok. Everything will be just fine because it was your choice.
...............................
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 July 2006): It will take a long time and it sounds as though you are only at the beginning of recovery.Hide no feelings, if you are angry show it, if you are in unbearable pain let her know. part of her own recovery is understanding your pain. If she is remorseful she will have to help you through this. I'm sorry she involved so many of the people you know, but they are not judging you they probably wish they were not involved. It takes a strong man to stay after an affair, may you find continued strength and lots of compassion. Time, you need understanding and time
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 July 2006): I am sure you feel quite upset by this, so what i think you should do is, sit her down and explain quietly how you feel and say it quietly so she will not raise her voice back, Explain to her, you only want a quiet conversation explaining how you both feel about each other, you can not bottle your feelings up about what she has done to you, explain to her, say you have had enough of keeping it all inside and tell her that you feel that you have been betrayed by her, her family, her friends and also you feel like you have been betrayed by everyone you know tell her what you told us and i am sure she will help you overcome it because If you keep your feelings in you wont overcome them.
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