A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I've been talking to a guy online for a while. i really like him and he really likes me. i like everything about him, his personality and his looks but he lives in a different country so i cant just go on a date with him!hopefully in a few months when we finish our studies, one of us will visit the other but i feel really nervous that when he meets me he wont like me! I've sent him the best photos of me and we have seen each other on webcam, often but i just dont look as good in real life as on cam. im not slim :( and im going to try get well in shape before meeting but im still worried!he doesnt really have anything to worry about because he's slim. should i just forget him?! i don't want to deal with possible rejection as i will feel mortified! Reply to this Question
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female
reader, Tigerlily  +, writes (14 February 2010):
Oh ladies ladies ladies! Why do you all do this to yourselves? You meet these guys online and invest all this emotional energy into them before you've even met them in person... they live a zillion miles away... so even if you do have great chemistry... what kind of satisfying relationship can you have when you never get to spend time with them?
You are stacking the odds against you from the start... you all break my heart, why can't you go out into the real world and find a real man who can be there with you and for you?
Ahhh. Okay. So for the rest of it with this guy, honey. They say the camera adds 10 lbs. So if he's seen you on webcam then he's seen you. I really doubt anybody looks better on webcam than in real life. Relax. As my friend says, a sexy woman has less to do with her hip size and more to do with her confidence.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Oh my gosh! We are in exactly the same situation! I have also become very close to a guy, and he lives in a different country. I am hoping we will meet sometime this year.
I can understand your insecurities, I have them too. I think it is natural to feel this way. But if you really like this guy, why let these fears get in the way? He probably has the same worries that you do. And I'm sure he doesn't always look his best either! It is natural that we will only want people to see nice pictures of us. I do it too, and sometimes people say nice things. But then I think, "Yeah, but you haven't seen me first thing in the morning!" But it is the same for everyone. And I'm sure this guy likes you for a LOT more than just your looks!
There is no guarantee here. It might not go well. Maybe you will meet and just not "click" in person. Maybe, maybe...I guess we could look at all the possible worst-case scenarios. BUT, what if it all goes great? It could be amazing to meet each other, and could be the start of something wonderful! You just don't know. Do you think it is worth taking a chance? Putting your fears to one side, and going for it? Either way, no matter how it goes, at least you will know.
You probably don't need me to say this, but I'd just like to point out that if you do decide to meet this guy at some point, be safe! Make sure people know what is going on, just incase. Sometimes people aren't exactly as they seem on the internet, so make sure you feel comfortable and can contact someone if you feel uneasy.
It is completely your choice, but I would say that if you have a good feeling about this, then try not to let the fear of rejection get in the way. The other alternative is not trying and never knowing, which could be worse! But if you are in any way not comfortable, then don't meet him. The fact that you are feeling so nervous suggests to me that you may not be ready yet, and that's okay. Maybe you could just explain to him that you'd like to just get to know each other some more for now.
Good luck with your decision, and I hope everything works out great for you! x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): Why do you think he doesnt really have anything to worry about just because he's slim? Webcam does a great job covering up pimples and bad hair too. Im just saying, you shouldn't jump to conclusions on think you're the only one who has to worry.
Yes there is a chance that when you physically meet, the spark wont be there. But, if you've been honest with him and true to yourself (not acted like someone else) and he's been honest to you, then you should be pretty safe. Has he asked you your weight? Has he seen full body pictures of you? Then I am sure he knows what he's going into. Being interested in you online goes a long way in showing he's not shallow or only wants girls for their looks. You should be fine.
Talk to each other on skype if you haven't already, or other clients. Hearing each others voices and laughter makes it that much harder to fake it and be someone you're not. You'll be able to hear how real he is, if the two of you can keep a conversation going. If talking to each other works fine on skype, talking in real life shouldn't be much harder.
Tell him you are very nervous and why and you'll get to hear what he says. Best of luck!
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