A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:I met this guy two weeks ago and he was very interested right away. We kissed right away as we were out dancing and drinking, and I tend to move fast with guys. He got my number and called me the same night when I got home! We talked, but I was more interested in someone else at the time. Even so, the next night he invited me over to his place. We watched TV and made out a lot. At one point I tried to slow things down and we took a break, but then we started kissing again and things went all the way. Initially I thought maybe that would be it because I was going to see the other guy I was more interested in later that week. However, that never happened as he turned out to be a total flake. I felt a little guilty, like I had led this other guy on, since he had been texting and calling me and I had always been a little distancing with him since our sexual encounter. So, I decided to call him and show him I actually was interested and give him a chance to take me out on a real date. We planned the date, I had to reschedule for work, but we finally got together and it was amazing. He really opened up and the conversation flowed (not like the first time), he paid for everything and opened doors for me. We touched and held hands all night, and I never felt like his attention was off of me. We went back to his place where we had sex again, twice. It was even better this time. I will admit that I said a couple awkward things, but nothing that should frighten anyone off, I just get awkward sometimes when I am trying to impress someone, as I think we all do. Anyway, we cuddled for awhile, but then I had to leave. He walked me out to my car, we kissed passionately, I asked if he would call me, he said of course, then I said "I know you will," smiled and kissed him again. Then he said "I'll call you tomorrow." And now it has been three days and no call. I am thinking that he may be waiting out Valentine's Day b/c that is so awkward at the start of a relationship, and b/c I did bring it up jokingly in bed (ugh! stupid!). But, I just cannot figure this out. I usually go for the cocky playboys, and I gave this guy a chance expressly because he is so different from that. I'm just totally confused about what to do. I tend to be aggressive and sometimes intense, so I don't want to come off that way because he seems to not be like that and I don't want to scare him. Any thoughts???
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reader, anonymous, writes (15 February 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you for all the answers. He still hasn't called, but he added me on facebook which actually makes it worse. I'm pretty sure he's just another ass. Thanks again.
A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (14 February 2010):
There is a high chance that he just used you for sex, or lost the thrill of the chase. I would let him go, and move on. Spend more time getting to know a guy in the future so you know what he really wants.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): He broke his promise, he said he'd call you "tomorrow" and he didn't. Dont let that slide by unnoticed, unless he comes up with a great reason for why he couldn't call. You dont want to date a guy who can't keep his promises anyway. YOu could call him and check if he's still alive (that he didnt end up in an accident or something else that caused him not to call you), ask why he didn't call since he said he would, and then take it from there.
I personally think he's not that into you, even though it would be weird since he acted like he's totally into you. But then he should have called. If he can't be bothered to do that then he'd be a lousy boyfriend anyway.
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A
female
reader, DrPsych +, writes (14 February 2010):
 I think you have to put this into perspective. It is easy to say 'you shouldn't have slept with him so soon...' but it happens a lot when there is alcohol and passion around. I don't judge you for that at all, but if this guy says he will call and he doesn't then you have to accept this for being a bit of a fling. Frankly if he did judge you for being sexual with him so early on...would you want to be with such a person? You need to stop being so critical of yourself and come to understand that building a relationship takes two people. There is someone out there who will love you 'aggressive', 'intense' and whatever else you happen to be! Lets face it none of us are perfect and long-term happy relationships are based on compromise and accepting someone warts and all. So, stop beating yourself up, put the 'how to do dating' books back on the shelf where they should be left to collect dust and just be yourself. Sooner or later Mr Right will be knocking your door down each and everyday! If Mr Right-now ever does call again, short of major disasters preventing him contacting you when he said he would...be very careful about getting into a relationship with him. Don't let the happiness and relief of hearing from him compromise your judgement on whether he is good enough for you or not (...since he hasn't called as expected and thinks it is ok to leave you hanging).
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A
female
reader, Tigerlily +, writes (14 February 2010):
Well honey, to be honest you are always running a big risk when you sleep with men too soon (i.e. first or second date). They don't really take you seriously. Men like to be the pursuers and feel like they've "won" a woman over. So if you jumped into bed with him on both first and second dates, and then began to act aggressively and act really "into" him, that probably either made him lose interest or scared him away.
So even though you slept with him the first time you acted nonchalant and disinterested which kept him coming back. But as soon as you turned the "intense aggressive" attention his way... he felt less like a pursuer and more like prey... and prey runs away.
My advice is to go on with your life, forget this guy and if he calls he calls. Going forward try to move more slowly.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (14 February 2010): First off you have been sending him a lot of mixed signals. Guys are very simple by nature, they want someone that knows what they want. You gave him a lot of maybes & he's probally just confused. If you leave so much out for interpretation it can be read wronge. You set the boundries for a relationship if that's what you want. The boundries are wide open right now, there is no rule that he has to do any thing for you at this point. A simple I would like to see more of you, shows him your interested in him. He might just feel like the rebound guy right now. If you want to be with him send a loud & clear signal. If your scared of rejection, it happens to the best of us. If you do nothing you'll have nothing gained. If it doesn't workout you haven't really lost anything either. There are plenty of fish in the sea, you just got to learn to slow down a bit, leave something to be desired. Anticipation can be a lovely thing.
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