A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I don't want to go into detail because this is the internet and nothing is private. But I'm really worried about my future. I'm terrified that I'm not capable and that I'll never be a successful person or have a career. I'm worried that I just don't have it in me. I just got finished with a Tefl course and I was really looking forward to teaching English abroad. All my trainers said I was successful, and I more than passed my course. I was excited about teaching abroad, but now I'm back in USA and some things have happened lately that make me fear for my future. I'm so scared I'm gonna fail in my profession.The problem is I need to save up some $$$ before I can go abroad and teach, so to earn money I've been substitute teaching. Some things have happened in the past few days that make me angry, because I don't always get treated fairly. On the other hand, I'm really worried that these things set a precedent. I'm worried that I'm not competent. Last night I was so freaked out, thinking I might get fired. I didn't sleep AT ALL, just stayed up until 7 AM when the office was open and I called them. I'm a nervous wreck; I'm having chest pains, depression and insomnia from all the stress.I've been substitute teaching for the past few years. I don't have a k-12 license, I have a Tefl certificate and a BA degree. Recently, I got into some serious trouble and *nearly* got fired. It turns out that several teachers for whom I've subbed have said nasty things about me (I don't know all the details) and that several schools put me on a "do not call" list. I'm not exactly fired but in a lot of trouble. I was told, not verbatim, but in so many words, that many people think I'm not capable, not doing a good job and that my classroom management skills are really bad. Apparently some students complained, and that was taken into account. I had to defend myself before the district office, and they said I was being "defensive." I have mixed feelings. Part of me is angry and part of me is fearful for my future. On one hand I've really upset with the teachers... I do them a favor, and I don't get paid fairly to do it and I most of the time the kids treat me like ****... and let's face it, I deal with some very rough kids. I do this for them, to help THEM out, and then the teachers turn around and backstab me and say nasty things about me. The kids say nasty stuff about me and apparently the teachers believe them. I never even get a simple thank you for anything I do. A couple of times, I got blamed for fights that broke out, even though I was watching the kids. I'm thinking... what the hell was I supposed to do? Do *I* do a good job? I'm always in dress code, I show up on time, I rarely cancel, I follow the plans. I handle discipline problems in a way that I think is professional. Sometimes the kids get out of hand and nothing I do seems to work. But, I control my temper, which takes the patience of a saint. I've been in classrooms where most of the kids were brats, I don't understand why they don't act up for other subs, but nothing I did worked at all. They would scream and laugh and make rude comments when I asked them to be quiet. NOTHING worked. When I would take names down, they'd snatch the list from my hand, threaten me, or lie about their names. I've been in many classrooms where the kids DELIBERATELY made my life a living hell. As a last resort, I'd call an administrator but they would be unavailable or act put upon. I'm not mean or demanding. I tell the kids "I don't expect a lot, but I expect you to respect me... I certainly wouldn't treat you disrespectfully." I'm not one of those bitches who pulls a kid out by his ears for sleeping in class or anything like that. This pisses me off, a lot. On the other hand, I'm freaking out... "What the hell's wrong with me?" I'm really worried that I'm not competent and that this sets a precedent for my future. This is what scares me:I just got Tefl certified, and I was really looking forward to going overseas and teaching English. I've sacrificed so much to get a Tefl certificate. I even risked my LIFE. Now my confidence is really shattered. What if I get a job overseas and can't hold down a job? What if I get an EFL teaching job, get fired for incompetence and then the EFL field is closed to me forever??I'm feeling badly about myself, even though I feel like I haven't been treated fairly or gotten the thanks I deserve... I really feel badly about myself. I'm so scared that I'm not smart enough to be a teacher. I'm scared that I'll never be successful in a career and wind up as some loser on welfare. I don't want to fail. I'm determined not to fail. But, I'm so scared that I will!So does the fact that I have bad classroom management skills mean that I'm just incompetent or that the discipline problems are unmanageable? What the hell is wrong with me? Or... is it even me?Thanks in advance for reading my question.
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 March 2010): Everyone is afraid. YOu have to have courage and go for it, no matter what. DO NOT GIVE IN TO FEAR!
A
reader, anonymous, writes (15 March 2010): I agree w psych 101. I think there is some underlying issue at hand. How have you coped with stress in the past? Looking back on it, do you think you could have managed the situation better? It sounds like you may be suffering from an anxiety disorder. I'm not a doctor but I think it would do you a world of good to talk to someone. Perhaps the schools you work in are not suitable for you. Let's face it, many people of all credentials have difficulty working at urban or rural schools. Did you go to a similar school setting as a student? It doesn't seem like it. Why don't you try teaching at a tutoring center? I have tutored at SAT prep centers to boost my teaching skills. Good luck and please calm down
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female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (15 March 2010):
 You are taking everything personally. No students like studying and be put in courses just because their parents paid for them. They are taking the anger out onto the teachers. To tell you the truth, no one likes efl because it makes them feel inferior. So be sensitive and let them know that you love everybody without regards to their race and color. They are testing you. They got excited when they provoked you. You need to review your rules with the principal about what disciplinary actions you need to take. What you can do is reinforce classroom discipline, the rest, leave it to your boss. Don't talk about respsect. These brats hear this word a lot, it doesn't mean anything to them. In Asia, students are very respectful and are eager to learn English. You will see no brats in Asia I guarantee. I hope this helps.
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reader, micpets  +, writes (15 March 2010):
I have read all the information put down on your email however I feel that you worry too much. It seems rather hideous that you have worked so hard and now you find yourself with a lot of doubt. That has understanding and it will help you even worker harder ending up as your main motivator.Sometimes you have to be tested to really know what you're capable of achieving. Without going in much detail about all these rumours moving from side to side, I would suggest that anyone whom does not give constructive criticism is not worth the hassle."Deep thoughts equal to deeper understanding" which is perfectly acceptable as we all go through some sort of trial. Best advise is work harder on the things that you're not good at which means devising different strategies and management skills as I will quote my previous boss whom used to say that " Leadership is based on kindness rather than fear and persuasion "Give that a short since you're dealing with a classroom. I hope that helps, thanks for giving back to the community "Teaching abroad especially - what better way to do it than that"
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reader, Psychology101 +, writes (15 March 2010):
It sounds to me like you have issues way above and beyond this. These issues that you have presnted here are Symptons of something bigger. You need to look deep. Gerenally speaking people should be happy with what they have and wht they are doing. Looks like you need to tweak your way of thinking more than anything else. pm ME If you need anything else.
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