A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am a 32 yaer old woman and for the past year I have been sleeping with my 17 year old step nephew. We both love each other deeply and want to move in together and bring our relationship out into the open. We are afraid of our families reaction. I dont know what to do, please help? Reply to this Question
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7  +, writes (17 September 2007):
If you married him the ordeal might go better.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (17 September 2007):
 I don't think you're going to pull that one off without it being a big deal. There going to look at you like "she should have known better" but much bigger than leaving the cap off the milk. I would think very carefully about when to tell them, how to tell them, and choose your words wisely. My recommendation is to get a piece of paper and pen, jot down all the reactions you expect and what they would say. Then carefully plan to overcome their objections before they have them. That may lessen the blow. Such as:"I know you believe age difference make a big difference in relationships, but truthfully does love consider age differences"It's going to be hard, and take work preparing. I always say "hope for the best but prepare for the worse."
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 September 2007): Hello there. This is a hard one because I know I will say what you don't want to hear. It is possible that this relationship will work, but the odds are massively against, especially in the long run. He is very possibly too young to have even developed the art of mature love, this could be lust of Romeo and Juliet proportions.
It was not that sensible of you to start something which you know may shatter your family appart. I do not know how to console, support or advise you and I can see why you are terrified. It seems so ill advised that you started this in the first place, I wonder why you did. Do you have a grievance against his parents or your family? Is there some reason why you would like to hurt them?
I think at the very least you could consider waiting for a couple of years. If it is not meant to last that long it won't be worth doing anyway. Surely he should be earning his keep and contributing to the household. If he is at college the upset of all this could spoil his chances of academic success.
If you really believe that you are meant to be together, there is no way to avoid what is coming I am afraid. You will just have to be brave. There is no way I can tell what you are like and what he is like. I can't tell whether this is one of those exceptional situations or whether he is transfixed with simple lust or whether you are living in a deluded dream.
If it were my son I would be really worried. I just would not be able to see a future in it. That and the close family tie would make me wonder about the dynamic of this, it looks like a tangle of psychological drama and not something that would have been embarked on by most. Is he the son you never had and does he look up to you for your experience in life and sexually? Do you seem to love him unconditionally and it that something he has lacked at home? Are you replacing his mum in some way and do you want to hurt his Mum for some reason of your own?
You should ask yourself these questions to make sure that you really do have his best interests at heart.
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