A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Ok, this may be a longer question. Please Help me out!! My boyfriend and I have been togheter for over 3 years. We love each other dearly, his family loves me as well...I was included in the family portrait. We are only 19 and 20. We have broken up twice before and still talk every single day through our breakups. However, when we take our little breaks...he always goes on a flirting spree and ends up making all these new "friends" that end up liking him. I've also had a couple of guys (only 2) over my apartment when we broke up. I am a virgin, so I feel that being a virgin has really messed up my relationship. I don't want to be a virgin anymore...but everytime we try it just doesn't go right. =( He has somewhat confessed about having sex with other girls when we were broken up. I just could not tell him about the two guys that I only kissed. Recently he got my name tattoed across his heart and told his Aunt, who he is very close to, that he thinks he should marry me. I'm assuming he meant in the future because I'm too young to be married. This was two or three months ago. Now, he's saying that he wants to take a break. He says that's it's nothing that I've done, but I feel like it is something that I've done. He says that he's not even sure if relationships are for him, since I'm his first serious girlfriend. He says he needs his space and time apart so that he can miss me. He also said that if we aren't togehter I can't control him and he feels trapped. I feel that I give him space. I don't talk to him on the phone for more than a minute or two, maybe two or three times a day. Most of the time, he's the one who calls. One of us will text good morning and good night...usually me because I go to bed first and wake up first. I want to give him more space and time apart because when he misses me he so much happier when we are together. But I still feel that me being a virgin is what's really taking a toll on our relationship. I'm confused about my relationship because I'm seeing a side of him that I've never seen before. What are your opinions about our relationship and what do you suggest we do to make us stronger, better, and closer.
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female
reader, bijou +, writes (11 June 2011):
From my point of view this guy is really not in love with you but obsessed about you and the fact that you are a virgin. The moment you surrender your virginty to him is the beginning of many heart aches and misery. He does not deserve you and you can't settle for the least. He doesn't miss you when you break up,all the happiness when you make up is a pretence and a ploy for you to give in to his carnal desires. He tells you he needs space because he doesn't wanna give explanations for his excesses. Let him go,it will do you a lot of good. Never give up your virginity to a man because you want to keep him because you can't if he doesn't want it. take this from me to you. Ive been there and i wish i had a someone to talk to me. It's not worth it.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 June 2011): Thank you for all the answers. I feel that I got ahead of myself when I asked the question. When he said he wanted space...I gave him space and that left me with no one to talk to about our relationship because I do NOT and will NOT ever confide in anyone else about my relationship because I feel it's private and I live in a very small town. After not communicating with one another from Sunday until today (Thursday) we had a talk. I was prepared for us to break up, although it's not really what I wanted. He actually said that he doesn't want to take a break. I didn't before but now I understand how amazing it feels to reunite with someone you love after missing them for a while. We were much happier and we didn't argue at all...it was all smiles and giggles like when we first started dating. I think that spending less time together will benefit us in the end. I mean, if we're going to end up getting married...we'll have plenty of time to be up each others @$$e$ =) And also, I forgot to take in account that he has a lot going on and is trying to get into a school after a tough school year with grades and such. It's really stressing him out and he feels like everyone is against him.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (9 June 2011): Being a virgin is not really the issue as such, but his honesty about what he wants from his life.
Do you understand where I am going with this and what you need to focus on?
I feel he feels a bit flighty for some reason and is not receiving the guidance he needs from peers or relatives or that he is not listening.
It could be up to you to say a prayer! God does know what is in mens hearts, so ask God to make it very clear to you what is in his heart and if you should proceed in a committed relationship with him or not.
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A
female
reader, flowerpower810 +, writes (9 June 2011):
Leave him alone! He doesn't respect you. He's had sex before and I'm sure it's killing him not to have sex with you. He's trying to put things to you nicley. He might love you to death but your denying him the very thing he was placed on this earth to do "procreate" he's a male he thinks about sex frequently. Leave him alone, find a guy who actually respects you and who's also a virgin. There are guys out there, go looking! If he's acting werid let him go, don't put yourself through that if he wants you he'll come back.
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