A
male
 ,
anonymous
writes:Using an old account, currently 18.Hmm, well, this is a tricky one.I've been going out with someone for a year, she's lovely and we're best friends. This october i've started university, and am living 2 hours from home.Problem 1: I don't miss her. I'm not the kind of person who misses things, i've never got homesick or anything, but after 3 weeks of being here you would have though there would be some feeling? she has had sleepless nights because of it... I'm not even sure how much i love her.. (after so long, it just feels more like routine/ the norm)Problem 2 (closely related.): Another girl, and this is the one that is eating away at me currently. The day i came here me and a girl down the hall instantly became very close friends, i spend most of my time in her room, we've hugged, but it was more in a platonic way - however basically i'm really attracted to her and already have fairly strong feelings for her (for this kind of length of time anyway). She hasn't explicitly mentioned being 'into' me, and infact said she initially thought i was gay. (but has since then tried to extract information such as whether i am a virgin or not...) and has already been telling me how she wants me to stay her flatmate for the rest of the time we spend at uni...basically, i'm finding it really difficult to stay with my current girlfriend and i wont lie that its crossed my mind to split up with her - i dont think the relationship is working in it's current form. but the thought of upsetting her is also REALLY upsetting to me.Basically i'm in a massive muddle and dont really know what to do...I'm tempted to try and kiss the girl in the corridor, if she rejects me i can go back to my life, and not feel that i'm missing out on something that could be good.On the other hand, a year is a long time to throw away for someone i will only be around for the alternate half of the year(I'd rather people tell me what they think i should do, rather than lecture me on ethics...)THANKS FOR ANY HELP
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best friend, flatmate, split up, university Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks,
It seems you came up with pretty much the same conclusions i did, however i found it fairly upsetting to have it confirmed, as it feels like breaking up would be fairly devastating for her, and i really really don't want to upset her :( It's not like i don't care about her, i'm just not sure if its love( was, or anymore, who knows...)
Now to add to the story -
My curiosity got the better of me last night before my question was approved, i went in, and at some point tried to kiss her. The outcome, was rejection, as i had kind of hoped for. But she went and said the most annoying line 'it's because you have a girlfriend, if you were single i totally would' - but also said she thought i was 'projecting' and actually do miss my girlfriend a lot...
I'm thinking that i should invite my girlfriend down ASAP - and see how it feels to be together, i don't want to just throw it away, she's such a wonderful person...
I don't know, i think this whole thing stems back to when we'd only been going out for a couple of months, and attempted to discuss what would happen if i went to uni, and to me that sounded ridiculous and i would never want to break up with her - but now i realize why a lot of people do...
apologies for the comment on ethics, i was just half expecting a stream of replies telling me off for thinking in such a way.
Thanks
A
female
reader, xanthic  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 You have two choices: stay with your girlfriend and work things out, or break up and see how things go with the other girl. You can't have both just because you're not sure it might work out with someone else, not to mention it'd be cheating if you did decide to kiss her.
You say you don't usually miss places or people, and for all you know, this could just be a case where the grass is greener on the other side. On the other hand, you don't even know how much you love her and it sounds like you're not into the relationship any more. For that reason, I think you should break up with your girlfriend and give her a chance to find someone that knows what he wants, otherwise you'll just be wasting her time and leading her on to think the relationship is going somewhere.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (22 October 2010):
 I think you should tell your girlfriend that you need to take a break, that you aren't really ready for a committed longterm relationship. That is true and accomplishes two things. One, it means you can do whatever you like with the single girls you fancy. Two, it means your current girlfriend isn't throwing away her time and energy on a guy who isn't really that into her. It frees her up to get over you (and it sounds as though she'll have to do that at some point anyway) and go meet the next guy, without wasting a year.
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A
female
reader, Aunty BimBim  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 How do you expect people to answer your questions without applying their personal code of ethics?
You don't miss your girlfriend, so maybe that relationship has run it's course.
You have the hots for another girl, which would suggest your relationship with the girlfriend has run it's course.
You are finding it difficult to stay with your current girlfriend, which would suggest your relationship has run it's course.
Whether you get rejected or not by this new bird is a separate issue altogether, chosing to hang onto a relationship which appears to have run its course in case you get rejected by the new bird is, sad to say, UNETHICAL!
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