A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Sorry that this is so long. Im just lost and need some guidance. Im 16 years old and im having issues with my mum. Me and my boyfriend of the same age have been together for nearly a year now. However my mother has only known about this relationship for about 6 months as i know how she feels about people "like" him. He is British-pakistani and my mum hates this. From day one she has told me im a disapointment to the family for this. My dad on the other hand(parents are seperated and have been for years) is totaly fine with it and has spoken to my boyfriend over skype and such as my dad lives abroad, and finds my boyfriend a nice guy and has no issue with him.My problem with my racist mum is that not only is she racist and i am troubled for this almost everyday, my brother (2 years younger) sees me in school with my boyfriend and likes to report home exactly what im doing even if its walking to say the lunch queue just me and him. This causes me to be on edge at every moment of the day in the fear of upseting or disapointing my mum.Before i met my bf i fell out with my girlfriends because they became friendly with my ex when they knew the pain i received from him mentally and emotionally but they became friends and i decided to move on and find true friends. I found another group of girls who i would talk to but then i met my bf, we got on well and soon he was my best friend and we did everything together. Then we fell for each other and i told my mum he was my boyfriend.Until i found out my mum had a real issue with his race. When i told her this year about us, she went balistic and said if i failed my exams it was his fault. I got 6 A's and 2 B's which pleased her.Recently she had an outburst at me and told me noone comes to my house anymore and i only see my boyfriend till late. (Around my social group my mum is known as the "psyco" she shouts and screams no matter whos around until she gets her way. and at weekends i usualy spend one day with friends and one day with my bf) My curfew is dinner time. 6.30 pm. My brother is aloud out till 9 or 10 and he is younger. She told me why i am not aloud as long is because i have "made bad choices in life" (having an asian boyfriend) i then stood up for myself and then she hit me, not hard i just got a fright. We havent spoken for a few days and we live in a small house anyway. My mum doesnt trust me and tells me i have no friends but i know for a fact i do!I just don't know how to approach this, i have cried myself to sleep and feel upset as my school is hosting a party soon till 10pm and i know i wont be able to go yet my friends are trying to "convince" me to go.I just need some help - i think im grounded atm for not having friends and only being with my boyfreind(as reported by my brother to get himself out of trouble for drinking) but im not sure as we arent talking :/
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 October 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionShe is the type to hold her side of the arguement till she dies and will never give up, speaking to her to try and make a negotiation or compromise ends up in her just shouting an refusing to listen. I go to my dads at xmas time and cannot wait for it.
A
female
reader, glassblower  +, writes (22 October 2010):
 ....wow. Your mother sounds like a piece of work. Although your dad lives abroad, would it be possible for you to stay with him for a little while until your mother cools down? Is it possible for you to sit down rationally with your mom and tell her how you feel? I would recommend that. Tell her that you respect her opinion, but it upsets you that she is interfering with your school life and you hope that she will continue to give you a chance. And if she ever abuses you again, call the cops immediately. Best of luck sweetheart. xoxo glassblower
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