A
male
age
30-35,
*ordan91
writes:I had a thing for this girl that started about two years ago in my freshman year of high school. She had a long-term boyfriend for over a year so I couldn't really do anything about it. I knew she was the one for me because I would go in and out of relationships and she would always end up on my mind. When her and her boyfriend broke up, it was a horrible break up. It ended by him saying horrible things about her, and they just fought continuously. Then he just stopped contacting her and it was over like that. She was devastated and I was there for her to comfort her and just be her friend. We ended up falling in love no more than a month after they broke up, so we began dating. She said that she liked me while they were dating, just didn't say anything. She thought I was perfect for her but, she didn't take the time for herself like she probably should have after a long term relationship that ended so badly. We dated for almost 2 months when she said that she needed some time for herself, but we could still be friends. She said that she still really cares about me, and that I'm an amazing person and perfect for her. When I asked her if we would still go to prom together, she said no, because it would be awkward. Was she just saying that because we're just friends for now and things should change once she has time for herself? Is it likely that she will come back to me and resume the love we had? I'm just so broken up about this because we were so in love, and just about to fall even further. Please reply :)
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reader, anonymous, writes (20 February 2009): It was too much, too soon. She does need space, hun and I am sorry if this hurts. You feel love for her but I can't help but feel she 'fell in infatuation' with you because a true love wouldn't cause her to do this. I think she's still has feelings for her ex bf, frankly. Even if their relationship was horrible near the end, women tend to hang on, analyze what went wrong, and have a tough time...letting go. If you think this could be her, then you were the healing balm that didn't work. Sometimes, being a rebound dating partner is a nightmarish, position to be in. And it's a situation that can't be resolved by wishing away her ex-bf. No matter how much much she values you just as a friend, the fact is...she's struggling to gain a balanced, sense of herself, again. She needs to be single and look after HER. Give her that..that could be the most loving thing you can do for her. Is knowing you care enough that you want her to find her own happiness, even if it means not having you date her anymore.
So you need to heal and recover, as well. Look after yourself. You need time and support from others to get these strong emotions into perspective. You can't fall out of love with someone overnight, after all, you need to grieve for this lost love. It's easy to become withdrawn from everyday life when you love someone who doesn't feel the same way, but it's vital that you get out and fill your time constructively.
Again, surround yourself with friends, and lean on them to help regain control. Talking will help get things in perspective, but if that makes you feel uncomfortable then just time spent having a laugh in their company can remind you that there's more fun to be had being a free agent. Maybe over time, she will be back, but you need to find your own happiness in other ways...without her. There is nothing that can be done.
Tak care and best wishes, Irish
A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (20 February 2009):
 Hey thereI love that you felt she was the one for you and you ended up with her :) It's like you had this gut feeling about her and you were right. It seems that she did rush into another relationship after that traumatic one - and that's never wise coz you just carry all that shrapnel into the new relationship. I think time between relationships is a good decision - and it's better for both people involved. It's obvious that you guys have an amazing friendship and she loves having you in her life! I think she didn't want to go to prom because maybe she sees that can be a "datey" type of thing to do? Although, you could just go as friends, so i don't know. Maybe it will just confuse her more and she needs time for herself.However, the thing about relationship breaks is that both parties have to set some "rules" - does this time apart really mean time apart to think or have time for yourself? Or is it a polite way to say adios amigo? I think you need to ask her because you don't want to waste your time waiting around for her. That would be unfair to you!
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