A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Hi!I need replies, thougtful replies from females. I am of Irish and Brazilian origin and a convert to Islam. I lived in the Middle East (dads job) for a long time, I have converted to Islam 7 years ago, married a nice Muslim lady 2 years ago and we love one another very much. Islam accepts that women and man have equal, but different roles and urges. Man are allowed to contract temporary marriages (you can read more online about it if you want - I recommend www.al-islam.org). My wife and I fully live by and accept divine commands, so she is not against me being with other women as long as it is within Islamic regulations. Question 1.1) If you are a women and meet an interesting married man what are the chances you would sleep with him if he were to tell you up front that he is married, but wants to have a temporary ''affair'' with you?2) Would you engage in temporary marriage with a Muslim man if he were to explain to you the rules( a saying, marriage formula- ''prayer'', agreed timing on being together and a dowry - ''gift'') and if you were to find him attractive.3) Overall do women get tured-off immediately when an interesting man says I am married?Please give honest and reasonable replies. I am interested to know how women think about this. Thank you in advance for your time.
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (19 August 2011): "a saying, marriage formula- ''prayer'', agreed timing on being together and a dowry - ''gift''
In the modern age this can be translated in this way - I "love" you, he/she is good, but come on lets face it, I am not going to build a family with him/her its just a life experience for a time being, dinners,gifts and so on. So I don't get why some people find this concept so shocking.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (14 August 2011):
I have heard and read about it, sounds much more civilized then having 20 boyfriends assuming that every one of them is the one and then jumping on to the next and next until you are 50 and single. I would appreciate if a person would be honest, it seems TM is a straightforward relationship with some regulations. The problem is that people have problems following rules, they would just jump on each other and claim that they are doing it because they are in "love."
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): Just as RedAthena said, I can only speak for myself as not one single, individual can speak for the whole of the Western World. It is simply impossible. The West is not one big uni that has a set of ideals and beliefs. I live in England, and I can assure you that the views here to certain topics are very different to that of other European countries.
1. I will never, ever sleep with a married man. The fact that someone is married makes him a no-go area.
2. No I would never engage in a temporary marriage, ever even if the man is attractive.
3. Telling me you are married is like telling me you are a murderer. I would be so, so turned off. I do not want another man's husband.
As I said before this is just me answering (25 year old British Female). I am sure that you can find many women to go along with your idea of temporary marriage though, there are lots of women around with low self-esteem and the desire for approval that will probably jump at your offer you a trade of sexual services for money and gifts.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (13 August 2011):
 An answer is not irrational simply because it does not agree with you.
I am a Western, Non Muslim woman and gave you an objective opinion based on what I understand about the temporary marriage and your questions.
Just like you want to avoid a generalization of all Muslims, please avoid a generalization of all Westerners.
"The West" is not one giant, gelled entity that believes the same way, nor does all of the Islam community feel the same. (Being a part of the "old" or "new" faith does not matter, because faith is of the individual first.)
Since you alluded to having positive experiences in the past with this type of arrangment, why specifically, are you interested in the opinion of a Non-Muslim on the matter?
It seems more sensible to ask women who understand the arrangement better.
Just because you can understand the arrangment, does not mean you have to EVER accept it.
I can only imagine that the arrangment is far less desirable than a committed marriage and only slightly more desirable than a sexual situation that could be consider immorral or illegal in the Islam community.
Personally, I stand by my first response that I feel the temporary marriage is much like prostitution with a seal of "approoval" in the faith. It is an exchange of goods for affection. It would be for women who have no other options for marraige or do not wish to be married, but would like the experience of sex with someone they fancy.
That is my opinion and I do not represent anyone else but ME.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (13 August 2011): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank you very much for your replies; I want as many replies as possible and rational ones, not cultural ones that are based on tribal/ethnic norms.If you are replying and you consider yourself to be a Muslim, do your research before and leave the mom and dad “islam” out of your post. I am mainly interested in the views of the Western non-Muslim women and those who approach the subject rationally without the cultural prejudice. I would greatly appreciate if you would read my initial post prior to replying. I would like to add that in the past the West regarded Islam differetnly, today it regards it as the most conservative religion on male-female relationship. It is so because Islam holds the middle ground, it does not accept the one night stand clubbing style nor does it accept the Vatican’s version of abstinence. PS: Personally I had a very positive experience with women in regards to temporary marriage; they value it more than the illusion of “love.”
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): I am a Muslim woman who is living in an Islamic country. Let’s make it clear for you: temporary marriage it is not for you honey, there are some rules. In my society a guy with an epsilon of class would not do it! Many young guys have girlfriend and get marry in this way. It is not for educated people, low class, uneducated people with trashy families may do it! Virgin girls could not have temporary marriage as well! The base of these rules come back to thousands years ago and are created for some special conditions like when many men were killed in the war and left widows and kids behinds and no one was there to take care of them other guys could get temporary marriage to basically take care of the family this is not just for the pleasure. In Islam even you cannot get second wife if your spouse is not agree and does not let you to do that. That rule is for the same reason as above but unfortunately some people just misused these rules and take an advantage of them. I don’t know ANY BODY in my family and friends who does this kind of stuff. It is absolutely not a norm, and if someone does it is a shame and others will see you as a king size jerk!My answers:1- I see him as a king size jerk so O chance2- Absolutely hate the temporary marriage3- Big yes
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 August 2011): Seems to me that a few western men have engaged in this practice for years, it is called prostitution and is generally frowned upon by women.
1. No chance
2. If a muslim man were to explain 'the rules' I would likely slap him
3. It is a complete and immediate turn-off, I would be rather offended by a man even suggesting it.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): 1. If I knew a man was married, I wouldn't sleep with him. For me, that is most definately a no-go area.
2. I would not agree to a temporary marriage, because with getting to know someone, feelings will be affected. Also, I wouldn't like the 'agreed times'.
3. As soon as a man tells me he's married, I back off. Again, that's no-go for me.
Saying that, I'm not of the same faith as you, and so I cannot say how I'd feel if I was - it would obviously be an Islamic woman, who will have different views than I.
However, why would you WANT to be with another woman if you love your wife so much?
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 August 2011):
I think you are referring to a signeh?
A temp contract of legal marriage where there some benefits of marriage (but mainly for sex)and an exchange of money or valuable gifts. I do understand that in such arrangments, if any children would be conceived, the man would be legally responsible for them and obligated to care for the Mother as well?
In the Muslim culture, are women who enter into Temp. Marriage looked down on? What is the social reprecussion?
Consider the feelings of your wife and how she would be impacted by sharing you with a temp wife solely for the purpose of sex? How would she feel if children by another woman came into the picture?
Frankly, I would be offended if a man asked me in the guise of marriage and religion to use me for a time because he would give me gifts or money.
In my culture, we call the prostitution.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): I think any selfrespecting woman wouldnt touch this with a barge pole. But then again you may find a woman who wants sex for sex sake. The thing is if it last a while women do tend to fall for men who they have regular sex with, and we are wired that way.
Just look at posts on dear cupid from women who started a fwb who have then subsequently feel for the guy.
If you want this type of relationship stay with single muslim women and then they may understand the consept of this arrangement better.
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