A
female
age
51-59,
*atycat123
writes:Hi thereI could really use some advice here. I have just turned 40 with 2 grown up children. I was single up until 3 months ago when i met this nice man. To give a bit of his background, 3 years ago he split up with the mother of his child, at the same time he moved back to his family home to care for his father who had Alzheimers. his father is now passed away 2 years ago and he remained at home with his mother. she has just turned 70 and from what i can see is in good health, maybe a bit slow on her feet but not much else. I get on well with her, she is not overbearing or anything like that. the problem is him. am i being selfish in expecting him to be able to come away with me for weekends without her? they own a holiday home and we went there when we first started seeing each other and it was great, his mum suggested we go alone by the way. he now wants to go again but this time with her, she gets lonely he said. i really like him and he i but i feel we should still be spending time alone getting to know each other. i may be 40 but i still want to have sex in front of the fire or indeed kitchen if i so please, cant do that if there is an old lady about. any suggestions or advice please :-)
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female
reader, Moo's Mum  +, writes (23 August 2011):
 You have made the right decision I think. Well done for your courage!
All the best you will be ok.
A
female
reader, RedAthena  +, writes (22 August 2011):
 After reading your follow up, I wish I could give you a big hug!
That is a tough decision to come to, but I nodded when I read "look for a man who has his own house, not his own bedroom lol".
I had to break up with a man for similiar reasons.
He was teenager living in an adult body.
When we get past 30-we want and deserve more:)
Thank you for sharing and Best Wishes.
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A
female
reader, katycat123 +, writes (22 August 2011):
katycat123 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you so much for all ur answers to my problem,they are very much appreciated. I have been going up to their house every friday and we all have tea,the minute i arrive its"come and say hello to mum". while i like being polite i feel like a teenager.we were going out to the pub for a drink one night and i heard her say to him"have u got money?"
its little things that in the begining were quite cute but now i am begining to have major doubts. Is going to break his heart but i have given this lots of serious thought and i cant see things getting any better. there is nothing wrong with her health wise but if he is like this now what is he going to be like in a years time or so?
if i stay over at his we dont even have a lie in cos he is up and about cos she is up.
lolling about in bed till lunch time on a saturday morning is heaven for me lol
just when i thought i had found a lovely man, oh well, i am going to chalk this one up to experience and look for a man who has his own house, not his own bedroom lol
thank you all again
much love from Scotland
kirsten :-)
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A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 August 2011):
 70 is not that old unless she is ill. my dad is nearly 77 and he plays golf and travels extensively... 70 in this day and age is young...
sounds like an excuse to be emotionally and physically intimate to me. I do not think you are being unfair at all
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 August 2011): Why not go with her this time and next time alone.
Do you live with them or have your own place where he can come and stop over?
I can definately see your point of view, also his, with his Dad not around now and it must have been hard for them both caring for him. Does she have a social life, maybe days away with a club or something could be planned for her, also she then has a network of friends.
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A
female
reader, RedAthena +, writes (11 August 2011):
My first response. EW. NO!
No, you are not being selfish. If he is concerned about her care while he out of town, suggest he has another adult come check on her or hire a temp. care person to assist her.
Do not expect to go to the Holiday Home without Mum. That would cause conflict.
If you get along well with Mom, ask her to help YOU plan a getaway weekend with her son! She can insist on staying home herself!
If all else fails...tell him what you want to do in front of the fireplace and you do not want to risk blinding his Mother. Tell him you cant orgasm with another woman in the house! :D
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A
female
reader, Moo's Mum +, writes (11 August 2011):
Mmm it is a bit of a tricky one. I guess he feels a deep responsibility to ensure his mother is well looked after with her condition and he can't very well do that if he's away but on the other hand I totally see your side of it too. Can you organise someone to come and stay the weekend with the mother so you too can get away by yourselves?
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A
female
reader, Tyedyedturtle +, writes (11 August 2011):
 I don't think you are being selfish in wanting alone time wig your boyfriend. However, his Mom is elderly and alone. He probably feels guilty to an extent, as he is the one who cares for her. It is acceptable for you wish for alone time, regardless. Maybe you should figure out a trip or activity that his Mom would enjoy and make a day trip devoted to he one weekend to show her that you care for her son, but to also show him you respect his feelings toward his Mom. I wouldn't make it a weekend event. Just one day wig a fun activity she will like and a nice lunch so you all can spend some time getting to know one another. Maybe make a habit out of this and do it once a month. However, you should have a sit down with your man and explain that you were hoping for a romantic getaway alone. Tell him you understand his feelings, but that you two still need to get to know one another. Suggest planning a day devoted to spending time together with Mom the next weekend if time allows. Explain how you feel and how time alone will strengthen you relationship. Be gentle and don't jump on him.
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A
female
reader, hannah76 +, writes (11 August 2011):
 Is there any way a compromise can be reached?
I understand where you are coming from but I also can understand things from his perspective. Obviously his mother went through a lot with losing her husband through the illness and he wants to comfort her and be there for her. Can alternative weekends be worked out? Also, in the past he has most probably been around during his father's illness and helping his mother. Is it every weekend or just a one off? What happens the rest of the week?
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