A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I just found out my uni professer likes me and I'm in turmoil. I am a mature student and I like him too. I don't know what to do, so far I have just been avoiding him. It is driving me nuts. I want to be sensible about the whole thing. He is divorced and a bit older than me.He has not actually tried anything but if he did I would wonder if he'd been up to that sort of thing a lot and if he is like me I should imagine he would wonder if I go around jumping on teachers (I have never done that sort of thing).He is so tempting but I know his career could be ruined if we did something we shouldn't. I do not want to ruin his life. One of his colleagues let it slip accidentally as he thought I already knew.Please yell at me to be sensible.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (23 September 2010): I am the original poster I just don't have an account.
Thank you, I need someone to help me be strong every now and again.
We already have a problem though as a couple of students have asked me if we are together. I have told them its not true and they shouldn't spread rumours. 'Yeah right Ive seen the way you look at each other' was the kind of replies i've been getting. What can I do aside from not be in his class (which are core modules).
A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (23 September 2010):
 Be sensible.
Bottom line is, University tutors are under exactly the same rules as teachers. Just because you are "legal" with regards to sex, doesnt make a romantic relationship appropriate.
No tutor is allowed to have a relationship with anyone they are teaching, regardless of age.
This is to retain professional conduct, because one sex and relationships are involved, all perspective goes out the window. If other students got wind of it, you have the issue of "favouritism", sex for grades, slipping you the answers on test papers and all that jazz.
Even if none of this happens, it COULD.
If a relationship is found out, not only will you have all that to deal with, the Department would also have to face an in depth audit on grade standards because he may have been marking you UP and others DOWN. Anyone in your class would then have a right to complain, which could in turn lead to ALL exams and assignments being re-marked by external unbiased moderators. It only takes one other person to complain that you were treated differently, be it out of genuine concern, jealousy, malice or trying to boost their grades. This costs money. It could also cost the reputation of the department.
This is an extreme example of what COULD happen. University boards are hot on grade standards and ALL markers are required to keep to the same levels. I work at a university and our marking is routinely checked - samples are remarked by externals to check we are on target.
Teacher pupil relationships are very much frowned upon, and ultimately can end up in dismissal for gross misconduct. Once that happens it would be unlikely that he would be offered a job at a different institution. With permanent academic jobs short as it is (I know, and my collegues know), and departments facing even more cuts in the current financial climate, his job is unsafe anyway. No one is safe. Given a chance to get rid of someone without having to pay redundancy, sadly would be a great option for many cash strapped departments.
You are a mature adult woman. You are not an 18 year old, sex obsessed silly teenager. Do the right thing. If you want this man. Wait. A degree is what... 3 years.
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A
female
reader, swordandredrose  +, writes (23 September 2010):
I think you shouldn't do anything right now, since you can ruin his life and yours. Do you like him a lot? If so, wait until you graduate.
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A
male
reader, Kenj +, writes (23 September 2010):
 OK Be sensible.
Seriously though your a mature student, hes not married as long as it doesnt affect your exam results then whats the harm?
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