A
male
age
51-59,
*ezidor
writes: I have a daughter, she is 13 years old. We are divorced with her mother. Mother wants to send our daughter to the secondary school in Canada to study. She plans that our daughter will stay alone and study. I don t agree with this plan, as I think the child has to be at this age with the parents. This is the main age in our life when the nervous system up grows, when only parents are able to catch something different in the child’s mood. I guess the child has to be with parents until 18 years old, and after she can make her personal decision where and why she is going on.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): What are youre wife's reason for sending her and what are your daughters thought?I went to a boarding school myself when I was 12 (also in another country from where my parents were living) After initial homesickness I was fine and I enjoyed it. It may have helped that I did have family living in that country who I was able to visit sometimes and I got to go home every holiday - I would not recommend boarding school if the child is only able to visit home once a yearHaving said that, retrospectively I don't think that boarding school gave me any more advantages than a private day school would have afforded me. There are quite a few myths that boarding school "toughens you up" or teaches you to be independent but I didn't find that. It did teach me not to ask my parents for help though (which is sad). And by the time I was 14 I was an expert at navigating my way through international airports and ferry terminals on my own.I believe that there are really only a handful of reasons why a child should need to attend boarding school1) The child would have to spend more than 2 hours travelling to the nearest school2) The home situation is not as safe and secure as it could be and the child is more settled at boarding school.3) Both parents have jobs that force them to travel to locations where education would be impossible or travel so frequently that the child would be forever changing schools (E.g soldiers, merchant seamen, diplomats, journalists covering war zones etc)4) The child has a particular talent that needs to be nurtured from a young age if they are to be successful and a special school woud be required e.g future ballerinas, sportsmen, actors, concert pianists etc. This would be because the child is already gifted - not just because they're generally bright.I still think that you should be able to find a good school (boarding or not) in Russia so she can visit home often
A
female
reader, MsSadie  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I agree with you. 13 is very young to travel halfway across the world to study. Is the issue the quality of the education that she is currently receiving? If so, would you be willing to research the top schools in your country for girls in your daughter's age bracket?
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 There was no talk of nerve system development when I prepared to move out of home at 15. And in the generation before me it was still very common in Norway to move out at 14. No nerve damage was done. And unless your family has a particular medical history that gives you reason to suspect your daughter will not develop properly, mind if you tell us where this argument comes from?
Just because you're used to one thing doesn't mean it is biologically wrong to do something else.
What does your daughter want?
Either you can come to an agreement or you can't, I don't know what we should tell you.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 September 2013): Hi,I agree with janniepeg. This is not the way.However, your wife certainly has your daughter's best interest at heart and you should keep that in mind when you talk to her in order to avoid conflict. If you can afford it, your daughter could better prepare herself for Canada by improving her English and French. Sudden changes are often difficult.I don't know if Canada's education is superior to Russia's, but I do know (having left the country which shares history with Russia) that I would want my child to grow up in a more peaceful country. This is not the place to discuss politic, so I'll just stop right here. Your daughter is lucky to have that opportunity, but it can wait when she's ready.
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (3 September 2013):
 You must be talking about a boarding school, right? A place where the students have supervised accommodation, meal preparation, etc.
What is you wife's motivation for this? Does she think that your daughter will have better opportunities? Or is your ex just trying to make her own life easier?
Sending kids to such schools in their own countries can be traumatic; sending one to a foreign country, at 13, seems unreasonable to me. You should keep your daughter with you for a few more years, at least until she is 16.
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A
female
reader, janniepeg +, writes (3 September 2013):
 I agree with you. Some kids are able to handle being alone and have a good time but not others. You should not take a risk with your daughter's life. A broken family is traumatic already. She might be too shy to voice her own opinion. Some children just goes along with whatever the parents suggest. Some may be even excited to try out another country, with no parents controlling her. That doesn't mean it's a good idea. She will learn independence, English or even French but overall I don't think it's worth it. It seems to be a trend that many parents send children abroad to get certifications. Unless the whole family is moving to Canada one day, maybe. I don't see how Canada's education is more superior that Russia's.
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