A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:[Moderator's Note: 3 questions from the same poster have been merged into one post]1. I am a 14 year old girl and have been with my boyfriend for around 4 months. We havent had sex and are both still virgins. He has fingered me but I havent done anything to him and i want too, but im too scared incase I do it wrong. How do i toss someone off from start to finish, or give someone head. Please help as I want to move further with him. Thanks!!!2. I have noticed that when me and my boyfriend get intimate with each other (not sex) he breathes as if he's shivering. Is that normal?3. Recently my friend had sex for the first time. She said it hurt so bad that she cried. She has completely put me off trying sex when i want to try it, but does it really hurt that bad? Reply to this Question
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female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (3 January 2010):
 I really am concerned for you. You are still very young, and you are so obviously not ready for sex. I really hope you do not do something which you later end up regretting.
The fact that you do not know anything about the contraceptive pill rings so many warning bells for me. You are just an accident waiting to happen.
Before you have sex, you should know about and how to use, the contraceptive pill, and condoms. You need to book an appointment to see the Doctor or the nurse to get the pill. IF you cannot do this, then im sorry, but you are not mature enough to have sex. Going on the pill involves being mature, responsible, and adult about sex. If you cannot do this, then you shouldnt be having sex. End of story.
Before you have sex, you should also know about all the common sexually transmitted infections and what they can do to you. Some can leave you very ill, others can leave you infertile and unable to have children. Some have no symptoms so you dont know until later on in life and you cant have kids. Others can kill you. Sex is a risky business.
Before you have sex, you should also know that sex can very easily result in pregnancy. Sex isnt just fun and games, there is a biological point to it, and if you are having periods, its only a matter of time before something happens. You only have to look at the number of questions on here from 15 yr old who have found themselves pregnant to see how easy it is to have an accident.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/15-and-pregnant-help.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/unsure-what-to-dopregnant-at-15.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-14-and-scared-to-death-that-i.html
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-had-sex-for-the-first-time-and.html
Just a few - read the last one specifically. She is 13/14 and thinks she might be pregnant.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/im-14-and-pregnant-and-really-scared.html
This one is 14. Just like you. It could be you.
It only takes 1 of the million or so sperm that he ejaculates to make you pregnant.
Sex under 16 is illegal, because you are still a child. In the eyes of the law, you are a minor. Just as you are not old enough to drive a car, buy alcohol, and buy cigarettes. There are REASONS to these, which at 14, you dont understand, dont see, and think all the adults are out to spoil your fun. When you grow up, you will REALISE WHY these laws are in place. For your own SAFETY and to PROTECT you.
Can you imagine a homonal 14 yr old at the wheel of a car? No? Why? Could people be killed? Possibly. Could the teenager be killed? Possibly. Would the car get crashed? 100% likely.
Sex without contraception (pill & condom) results in pregnancy. So a child having a child? Does that work in your mind?
At 14, could you cope with being pregnant? You say you are "mature" and ready for sex. So are you ready for a baby? Will your boyfriend stick around?
I suppose you like to go out, have fun with your friends? If you get pregnant, you wont be able to do these things.
No trips to the cinema - you wont be able to afford it. No hanging out with your mates - they wont want a screaming baby hanging out with them too.
What will you do about school? Who will look after the baby while you study? Will you get any exams? What about a job? How would you afford to keep a baby? Or would you dump it on your parents? How fair is that?
What about the complications of having a sick/ill/small baby because you are so young? Your body really isnt physically ready for this yet. Imagine pushing a melon out? If you are still small its going to be far far worse, than for a fully grown woman.
These are all things which go hand in hand with sex. THIS is why sex is an adult activity.
At 14, you are still a child, and whether you like it or not, you are no way ready, mentally, physically or emotionally to have a child. And sex brings the risk of babies.
Sex is not a game.
Us adults are not trying to stop you having fun. BUT as adults we understand the consequences of what we are doing, and we go into a sexual relationship knowing full well what could happen. We have sex knowing the risks.
At 14, you have no idea what you are letting yourself in for. You just think that its cool, and its "mature" and its what all your friends are doing.
Well I bet they are not. Most girls dont have sex until their late teens if not later.
IF you do go ahead with this, and I really urge you not to, please be aware of the consequences of your actions. By having sex with this guy, he may well dump you straight after. He most likely will tell all his pals how he had sex with you, and then you will get a reputation. The boys will only think you are good for one thing.
Its not classy to have sex so soon in a relationship. have a bit of respect for yourself and your body. If this guy likes you then he will wait until you are over 16. If you have any respect for yourself, you will wait too.
If you sleep with this guy, the boys will want to date you to sleep with you, not to have a relationship with you. They will want you just because they know that you will have sex with them.
Do you want that.
A
reader, anonymous, writes (3 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionWhere do I get this pill? And I feel the need to have sex because I think im ready for it, I dont see why it's illegal?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 January 2010):
OK, I assume from this answer that you are still going to have sex, regardless of what we tell you?
I think you should be more concerned about getting on the contraceptive pill, than whether it will hurt or not.
Unplanned, unprotected sex is what gets you pregnant or an STD. If your BF has played about with other girls, then he may not be clean as a whistle, and you can get pregnant the first time you have sex.
The hymen is different in every girl. Some can masturbate and still feel pain when they first have sex. Sometimes its down to the muscles contracting because you are scared, not ready, or not aroused enough. Others think they may have lost their hymen and still bleed. It varies from girl to girl.
Can I ask you one question - why do you feel the need to have sex at such a young age? What do you hope to achieve by giving this boy oral, a hand job or full blown sex? (bearing in mind this is ALL ILLEGAL at your age?)
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reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for all your advice everyone. Is there any way I could make the hymen loose so it wouldnt hurt?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 January 2010):
Also I agree with Anna.m - 4 months of dating is nowhere near long enough to consider being intimate with a boy, especially as you are so young.
Teenage boys only want one thing, and that is sex, they dont care how they get it, but thats all they want. Dont go getting a reputation for being quick to give them this sexual pleasure, as that is all boys will see you as, an easy lay.
Have a bit more respect for yourself first.
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 January 2010):
It can happen at any age, however, there are no guarantees. Some girls may break their hymens thru excessive strenuous activities such as horseriding or gymnastics, others may do these activities and still remain intact. Some girls may even have to have their hymens surgically removed if they are very thick.
It all comes down to the individual.
However, the vagina, like a boys penis, at 14 is not fully developed. So it will not be at its stretchiest, and far more likely to tear. The more it tears, the more it hurts.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/lost-my-virginity-i-need-help-please.html
This young girl is at least 2 years older than you.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/i-lost-my-virginity-on-friday-and-im.html
This one is the same age as you.
I know you do not want to hear this, and I fully expect you will go ahead with it anyway, but you really are too young to be doing this type of thing. I know you think that its cool, and you think you are grown up, but in 2 years time, when you are 16, and OF LEGAL AGE, you will realise how little you knew and how young you are now. I know you think all your friends are having sex etc etc etc, but I can safely say, that a lot of it is probably lies, and bravado to make them seem cool. Young people will say anything to fit into the popular crowd, and to not be left out.
http://www.dearcupid.org/question/teenager-worrying-about-sex-for-the-first-time.html Is this your question too?
Just remember that sex can result in pregnancy. At 14, are you really prepared to have a baby? If not, then wait.
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A
female
reader, Anna.m +, writes (2 January 2010):
I understand your position, if you are unsure then dont! But also 4months isn't a very long time I was with my boyfriend for 81/2 months before we decided to have sex.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (2 January 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionOk thanks for your advice, I will bear it in mind. Do you have any idea what age would be normal for the hymen to be broken at?
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A
female
reader, celtic_tiger +, writes (2 January 2010):
Firstly, you are in the UK, where the LEGAL age of consent is 16. So ANY sex under 16 is ILLEGAL. You both could get into trouble.
As you are 14, you can therefore NOT consent to any sexual act. That includes, fingering, oral, blow jobs, hand jobs, vaginal sex, anal sex, or any other type of intercourse.
These laws are put into place to protect YOU - not to stop you having fun. And there are many reasons, one being that you are not physically and emotionally developed enough to cope with everything sex brings to you.
At 14, your body is not mature enough, physically to cope with childbirth, and many young mums have severe problems carrying a baby to term, as well as actually giving birth - this is a result of the womb and pelvis not being fully developed. It also can lead to poorly, small or ill babies. Please bear this in mind before you start to have sex. All sex has a chance, however slight of resulting in pregnancy. Even the best contraception has been known to fail.
If you are not prepared to have a baby, dont have sex. Always protect yourself with two types of contraception, the condom and the pill. If you are not on the pill then you need to go and sort this out before you let a boy anywhere near you.
First time sex can hurt, altho it depends on the woman. The younger you are the more likely it is to hurt, as you are less likely to have naturally broken your hymen (the flap of skin across your vagina), and are possibly not as fully developed internally as you should be. Its like ripping a piece of skin, it hurts, stretches and more than likely will bleed.
Some girls find it too painful - there are a few questions about this on DC at the moment, others dont have any pain at all.
Essentially, you need to wait. There is no harm in waiting, and the younger you are, the more likely you are to contract diseases like the HPV virus, which can lead to cervical cancer etc. You may have already had one vaccination at school for this, but it doesnt mean that you should be putting yourself at risk just yet. Think about it. Act like a grown up rather than a child who is playing.
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A
female
reader, Blod +, writes (2 January 2010):
 To me, you don't sound ready for sex. You're clearly insecure when it comes to the matter and although you want to take things further I don't think you're ready for it. It's totally up to you what you choose to do and you don't have to listen to me. That's just my opinion.
14 is incredibly young and having sex is illegal until both of you are over 16.
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