A
female
age
36-40,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend and I have only recently moved back in together after we split up for a while in september last year after he threw me out of our home after a series of arguments. Things have improved dramatically since then. I lived on my own for a period of six months and in that time we started 'dating' again, when it came to the end of the six months I was happy to move back in. I told my family almost immediately after making the decision, tho I was a bit haphazard about it due to being scared of their reaction, My dad has nothing to do with me, and the thought of losing my remaining close family because i do something to upset them bothers me a lot, so I was terrified of telling them, because after throwing me out the first time round, they dont like this guy very much (they treat him like family when we lived together before).I COMPLETELY understand why my family arent happy, but have been trying to spend time with them both on my own, and with my boyfriend as a couple, but every time my boyfriend is there its obvious they dont like him, not because anything as harsh as they tell him, but their attitude towards him, to me shows very well.My boyfriend has tried to spend more time with them despite knowing really that they arent happy with him. Its making me feel under increasing pressure because I dont want to lose my family at all, and I also dont want to lose my boyfriend, but the way things are I can only see it getting worse between them, not better.
View related questions:
period, split up Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (1 May 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionthank you caring guy. I appreicate your comments and can see where your coming from. And do think you have probably got a point. I do take a lot more than i maybe should, and i understand my mum in particular is probably concerned i will repeat her mistakes. Soon. I do not judge my mother that was my point. However you have been very judgemental of me. I have accepted despite the fact i feel my mothers partner is not good enough sometimes i accept him for the sake of our relationship. I do not wish to loose my relationship with her because of a man, i dont see the point in making things difficult for someone you love because you dont agree with all of their decisions. I didnt go back into this short sighted i protected myself, and my mum told me if i loved him to try once more but then if he screwed up again to end it permently. Which i had already told my partner before moving in
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 April 2010):
Not unreasonable, but perhaps you've touched upon a problem that you need to address and really look at. Your mother has been treated like dirt her partner. It would seem as if your father wasn't all that great either. And now like your own mother, you're choosing men who aren't good enough at all. You need to think very carefully about this point, because if you're choosing the wrong guys like your own mother, you are going to end up being hurt over and over again.
...............................
A
reader, anonymous, writes (30 April 2010): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMy mothers partner has run off and treated her like dirt several times, and gone back to him, and she hasnt had the same reaction from the rest of my family, neither has she had the same reaction from myself, I have been very accepting of her and her partner on every occasion, not because Im a hundred percent happy with it, but because thats what she wants and thats her mistake to make, and regardless of who shes with shes my mum and i wouldnt make it hard for her. I cant understand how this is the case with my mothers partner, but not with mine. Is that unreasonable?
...............................
A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (30 April 2010):
Imagine being a parent, or having a sister who is treated like dirt by her boyfriend and is then thrown out of the house by him, before seemingly getting it all together again and then going back to him. That would be a nightmare. And that's what is going through the minds of your other family members. All they can see in this guy is the man who threw you out. They won't see whether he has changed. They'll assume he hasn't. You are right, this won't get better. The only thing you can do is reassure both sides that you are there for them, but keep them apart. That's all you can do. Keep them apart.
...............................
|
