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writes: I'm 16, and I jus feel like I've had enough. No relationship for 16 months. People younger than me have gone further than me, i feel stupid. Friends tell me to wait for the right time or you'll find that perfect person... well I havent!! I'm jus fed up. should i give up? Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (25 June 2006): Mate I'm 18 and I only got my first girlfriend this year! One of the problems is like bev conolly said your 16 so you're in a difficult stage of your life yet you haven't had much experience. I have friends who have had girlfriends for ages some as much as 2 years but the problem is that you don't spend as much time as you do with your friends which you can live to regret when your older. Even so they will find it hard to maintain that relationship at this age. The fact that some of your friends have gone further than you sounds complete bollocks. The ones who have had sex are generally the ones who never talk about it. As for the perfect partner most find their's that are in the same social class as them. So if your going to college or uni. you will find more people who are right for you than some of the girls at high school. Hope this helps!
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reader, Bev Conolly  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Yes, you're right. You're sixteen and it's just too hard. You should give up. Love isn't about indescribable care for another person; it's really a race and you're losing. Since "younger" people have gone "further" then you should hang it up and never think about love or relationships ever again, for the next 80 years.
There. Feel better? Of course, I don't actually believe you about giving up.
Let's tackle your misapprehensions. First, being 16 can be a train wreck of a year because you're almost an adult and want to act as if you can handle anything, but in practical terms, you haven't got much experience in real life yet. So you tend to compare yourself to your age mates, thinking "If I've done the same things as him, then we're both normal".
But that's a mistake, because all 16-year-old guys are not ice cubes popped from the same tray. All kinds of variables, from personality styles, to personal wealth, to physical development, to culture, to sexual development will ensure that every guy in your Year at school will have a unique experience. So comparing yourself to your mates isn't a valid way to measure your success in finding love.
And besides, teen boys (and young men) are notorious for embroidering the truth about their sexual conquests. Don't be too quick to believe everything you hear, because a lot of what's said is speculation, fantasy and plain swagger. Put simply, a lot of young men LIE about what they've done in the sexual arena, so take what you hear with a few grains of salt, and assume it's a fib unless you can prove otherwise.
And about that "perfect person", here's some news: there aren't any perfect people. They're all flawed. Some more, some less. The only way to find a person who suits you is to date a bit, learn about what you like and what you don't like, then move on and use that experience to find someone closer to your ideal. (Hopefully, you also become a better person as you age and mature, so your partner is equally attracted to your good qualities.)
You sound bitter, but that's OK. Don't put any pressure on yourself to find a girl (or a guy, if you're gay). Being bitter, angry and "fed up" isn't exactly going to attract lovers to your doorstep anyway. So don't try so hard right now. Concentrate on things that make you happy, whether that's schoolwork, sports, projects or whatever your specialty is.
When you're happy and relaxed... THAT'S when you become attractive to other people.
So, put simply: Yes. Give up for now. Learn to relax and don't keep putting the screws on yourself to live up to some imagined goal. Be social with people generally, and don't be averse to the idea of friends of both sexes.
That's how relationships start, with friendship.
So don't despair!
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reader, Wendyg  +, writes (21 June 2006):
 Hey! there really is not rush for all this relationship malarky! We all find the right person when the time is right. No point giving up, the dating game hasnt even started yet hun. What does it matter that others have gone further than you ? You are yourself in your own unique way and we all grow up, move on, embark on things at different stages of our lives! Dont panic just yet, do things that you like doing for a while that dont involve girls, football, computer gaming, biking, anything like that, take the focus off for a while, the more you look for something the harder it becomes to find it... dont worry you are really young.. lots of people dont find the right one for them until they are way in to their 20's! So just be yourself, be a little patient and stop worrying about it.. it will happen, just not right now!
Take care x
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