A
male
age
,
anonymous
writes:I have been married for almost 25 years. I can't honestly say I ever really loved my wife, i believe at the time I married her, being young, it was more for financial security than anything. In the early years things were okay, we had 2 sons, had some good times but those good times were only with the kids, never alone with her. Over the years things got worse, kids are grown and never home, one moved out so now it's just us. I can probably count on one hand how many times we said I love you in 25 years. She works at a bar and I have questioned whether or not she is having an affair. The past 5 years have been the worst. I have been on the couch for months but even when i wasn't we maybe had sex twice a year and she always rushed through it so we could get it over with. The last time I even tried, she pushed me away, I intercepted a voicemail and some texts from the guy I beleive she is cheating with, he signed his texts XO, she goes on business trips and events, never invites me but I know the guy attends and also, I have had friends, neighbors and family question how she treats me and that they have heard rumors about her cheating. She still denies it and just starts fighting with me when i bring it up. Should I believe her? Are all the signs there? She does not want counseling, blames me for all our problems, blames me for her not having sex because she said I am not affecitionate enough. She said she doesn't like my family or friends and never has.. I don't even think I love her anymore but it still hurts. Should I just bail?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (24 April 2014): If she works in a bar...Why is she going on business trips???
A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (24 April 2014):
 You've been miserable in your marriage for 25 years, she dislikes your family and friend and won't go for counseling. Your friends and family have heard rumors… "Should I bail?" I think that from the picture you've presented, there's not much of a marriage to save here.
I think Honeypie summed it up very neatly.
Go see that lawyer, and see if the time is right for a change.
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A
male
reader, CMMP +, writes (24 April 2014):
Your story is depressing. Who cares if she's cheating or not, I'm surprised you're both not. Just end it already.
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A
male
reader, Sageoldguy1465 +, writes (23 April 2014):
 For twenty five years you've been this woman's foot-wiping mat....and you ask if it's OK to change that?????
HELL YES..... (You) should have changed things 24 years ago... BUT, you can't turn back the clock... so do it now and salvage what's left of your life...
Good luck...
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A
male
reader, C. Grant  +, writes (23 April 2014):
 Honeypie is right. It sounds like you've both checked out of the marriage already. You won't get martyr points from anyone for staying. Check out your options, starting with an attorney.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie +, writes (23 April 2014):
 Do you NEED proff to leave her?
It sounds like NEITHER of you want to be in this marriage AT all. You don't love her and she doesn't love you.
Why spend the rest of your life like this?
She doesn't want counseling because she finds it easier to stay married and blame you for everything.
If I were you, I would contact a lawyer and see where you stand. Maybe it IS time to leave.
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