A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:Well, Dear Cupid, I just found out that I'm pregnant.It's not as bad as it usually is on this website. I've done everything in order. I got married, have my degrees. I'm 26 and I guess it's about that time. My fella and I have been married for just about 4 years and we still get along swimmingly. I have a great family, and great friends.Why am I so terrified?!? I feel like I'm scared for very selfish reasons... I'm scared of losing my figure, of stretch marks, I'm scared of not being able to party with my friends, I'm scared of not having my freedom to do what I please, when I please. I feel so guilty that this is all I can think about. I know none of those are good reasons to be scared, I know they are very superficial and selfish. I've always been so adventurous, and haven't really "settled down" yet. I still want to get my advanced degree, I might want to go to a trade school, I'm in theater of all things, which is a very time consuming lifestyle and I can't give it up. It's my blood, man. It's my passion. I have always half-jokingly told my husband that I'm married to theater first. I don't want to give up writing and have to stick it into little pockets of time. I love that I can sit down and write for hours. In a few months two theaters are producing two of my plays. I don't want to quit writing when I'm just starting to get some notice. It's only been a day and a half, and two pee-on-a-stick tests... I mean, ask me a week ago if I wanted a kid, I'd say "sure! I'll dress it up like a dinosaur, and that will be awesome". But the grass is greener.Am I already a terrible mother? Are these fears normal? Logically, I feel like they are... but somehow I'm nervous that they're not, and my poor little spawn is doomed with me as a mom.
View related questions:
my figure, stretch marks Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (10 March 2013): Its natural to freak out.I freaked - i considered abortion, adoption and letting my mother raise my baby. But i do believe those 9 months are there for you to grow to love the little alien being who will change your life forever. My career is currently on hold but that doesn't mean I am doomed forever because i have a child. It means we find ways around it. And newborns once you figure them out, they do sleep a lot. I read soooooooo many books the first two years after giving birth. I am certain you'll still be able to write, maybe not for hours but maybe you'll have new subject matter to discuss now that child rearing has raised its ugly head :) Nothing more humbling, comical and inspiring than children. I am glad my little detour "hick-up" happened.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Try not to be so hard on yourself, like you have said it is really early days and if you were pretending nothing was going to change then you would have a reason to be concerned. Change is a scary concept especially when it's replaced with the unknown so asking the kinds of questions you are serve a purpose in allowing you the time to adjust. Your baby will need a lot of your time to begin with but your theatre is a passion you and your child would be able to share before too long! Being a mum poses a risk to your identity and it's important to hold on to your sense of who you are outside of that. It sounds like you have a supportive partner who would help facilitate your interests outside of the home as well as your new identity as a mum! Maybe talk to him about about your anxieties when you have had a few weeks to make sense of them yourself; remember everyone is different and there is no 'feelings' manual. Good luck with working this through and with your pregnancy x
...............................
A
female
reader, AuntyEm  +, writes (7 March 2013):
 Were you trying for a baby? or did you get pregnant whilst on birth control?
It is normal to freak out a bit when you first find you are pregnant, after all it's a massive life changing event, however it is NOT a 'life over' event.
When the news sinks in a little, you will feel better and you will naturally begin to incorporate the idea of a baby into your life (that's when the 9 months comes in handy...so you got time to adjust)
There are very few women who haven't thought 'OH SHIT' even if they have been planning and trying for ages and we all worry about what kind of mum we will be but instinct, love and maternal emotions kinda kick in and most women do fine.
Congratulations on the news x
...............................
|
