A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:I had feelings for my best friend. We were involved in dirty talking. We have not dated each other ever. One day it just happened that we got physical. He pressed my boobs and I gave him a hand job. Nothing happened other than this.I am 21 yr old. If I go for an arranged marriage,should I tell this to my future husband about this. I am not getting married at the moment but yes will get married after 5 years or more. Should I tell my future husband about this incident?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): @llifton-Ma'am I am glad that you know so much about our culture. Yes in our culture,the one who has lost virginity before marriage,is not seen with much respect.Though now-a-days,youngsters tend to lose their virginity before marriage.There are many cases of it.It is true that I am a virgin,but this little physical association,makes me feel guilty and it definitely should not have happened.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): @Tisha-Also my future husband being shameful depends on the kind of person he is. What I did,was only for one reason that I loved that person whole-heartedly,and I am guilty of it because,on many occasions he has made me feel embaressed of what happened,by time and again mentioning those things despite my warning him,to not to repeat that stuff.People get physical,because they get swayed in emotions. Those who do it only for fun,do not command respect from me.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): @Tisha-I totally agree that today it would be very difficult to find a man who has not been there. Though I also agree that guys do exist who have not done so. For me, if I were to marry a man who has had such encounter (not the real sex experience/relationship where he had experienced complete sex) I would try to understand his part, irrespective of my personal issue.If he had the real sex or a long relationship where he was physically involved with someone, there I expect that he should tell me the whole thing. Because being physically involved with someone for long, definitely means to have a strong emotional tie with another person. Kindly share your personal opinion on my issue@anonymous male reader-Dude! Have you given this opinion only from a guy’s perspective?! I have not had any sex with him! What I did was wrong, is accepted by me! Also there are so many girls who lose their virginity/fool so many guys and then go and marry someone else. In that case does she marries all the guys with whom she had a past?! I WON'T MARRY THAT MAN (my best friend)He was A WRONG PERSON, and my mistake was that I did not realise that before! And as far as not being completely devoted to my future husband is concerned, that will never be an issue, because if I have decided to get married, under ALL CIRCUMSTANCES, I’ll be with him, I’ll be loyal to him. I am over my best friend completely! What bothers me is the thing that happened, which otherwise should not have happened because I was friends with him. I had not dated him!@llifton- Thank you ma'am for the comforting words. I agree to what you have said and I think on the same lines as well. But this thing keeps on bothering me, and I am so very guilty of it. I also understand that in the next 5 years or more, many incidents can take place in my life and I might not even remember this incident, but as of now it affects me. So I had put up the question.
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 What I meant was, is the man required to disclose an incident such as you describe to his future wife? Will he be shamed or denigrated for having had sexual contact in the way you described?
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A
female
reader, llifton +, writes (8 March 2013):
 there is a large cultural difference when it comes to these types of things so it's hard for me to know how to give the best advice because it's so different here in america versus where you're from. here in america, it's unheard of NOT to have had sex with multiple partners before marriage. lol.
from my understanding, being a virgin until marriage is what is important in your culture, unless i am mistaken? you are still very much a virgin. you have not had sex. therefore, i see absolutely NO reason why you should have to tell your future husband of this incident.
i know women value their virginity where you're from (as we should everywhere). you should be very proud of yourself for still having it. do yourself a favor and realize you've not done anything wrong or to be ashamed of. you are human. and you don't owe it to him to tell him. of course, tell him if you'd like - but don't feel obligated. it's nobody's business but your own. good luck, sweetheart.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Ma'am. Thank you for you opinions.
1) @Tisha- Ma'am could you please elaborate your question? It'll be better for me to explain and interact.
2)@janniepeg-Ma'am I agree to what you have said and I think on the same lines as well. But ma'am honestly do guys actually understand all this and won't reject me for this reason,if they ever get to know about this? I know I have crossed the limits of friendship which is totally wrong on my part and I am guilty for it. Infact its a promise that I have made to myself,not to fall prey to such situations.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2013): Since I'm from the same culture, the answer is that it will cause problems for you. Since you have been somewhat sexual, even if you don't tell him, he will be into you as you are his first. You won't be that into him because he is not your first. He's going to notice that and it may ruin your relationship. You're also going to compare him to your best friend. I think the best thing for you may be to marry this best friend. Is there a reason you can't pursue that relationship?
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A
female
reader, Tisha-1 +, writes (8 March 2013):
I'd be curious to know what is expected of the husband in this arranged marriage. Does he come to the relationship having had no sexual contact whatsoever?
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A
female
reader, janniepeg  +, writes (8 March 2013):
 Your fooling around with your friend is not a mistake to confess. In Western culture it's nothing. If your future husband demands a pure woman, openly says that to you, and his belief is that a woman who had been touched by another man previously is deemed dirty, then it is my belief that you don't need a husband like this.
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