A
female
age
36-40,
*issylf
writes:Ok here goes..... ready to be confused.....I was with a guy for just over 6 years, he ended the relationship just over a year ago as he said he didnt love me anymore, But a year on where still doing things a normal couple would do, we go to the cinema, out for lunch, sleeping together, but until recently he's stopped having sex with me but will do other things, when i have asked him why he wont have sex he says hes not ready to take that step again (we had a break for a month or two), in the first couple of months we broke up he met someone and she stayed the night, he swore to me they werent sleeping togther and they where just friends but hes recently back incontact with her texting, we have spoke about the whole situation and he swore to me he wouldnt be incontact with her again as respect for me as he know how much it hurt me. The thing i dont understand is he keep saying he has respect for me and hes honest but at the same time hes lying to me and hurting me, iv tried to let go so many time but i love him to peices, can anyone shed any light on their thoughts to what might be going through his head, also to add to this he says he does still love me, but its confusing as he said the reaon for the split was that he didnt love me, surly you wouldnt carry on sleeping with an ex if you didnt love them anymore???? Please help im so cinfused on what to do. Thanks missylf
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, CindyCares  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Men can sleep with women they don't even like, imagine if they can't sleep with someone they don't love. Piece of cake.
As for the rest of your question, here's the traditional ,time-honoured Dear Cupid advice :
actions speak louder than words. Much louder.
Don't pay attention to what people say, talk is cheap.
Pay attention to what they DO.
If he swears he's honest then you catch him telling you lies- then his actions deny his words and he has been bullshitting you.
A
female
reader, Chippy2  +, writes (13 December 2010):
Yes, men will do whatever you will allow them to. AND he is enjoying you both. Time to move on and tell him he doesnt even make a good friend now.
I know I have been there - wasted time on a man who is now seeing someone else and cheating on her all the time too.
I don't want to a part of that. Some men are self-serving narcissitic pigs who will try using u for what you had together.
Even if HE is ok withoug having sex with you - why bother giving him any of your time as he clearly doesnt LOVE you - he is saying that to keep you as emotional support.
Be strong - tell him you got better things to do - Things for YOU.
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A
male
reader, joe culls  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 hello,
am sorry for your confusion. Let me start by asking, do you love him yourself?
apart from him breaking up with you, what made him change his mind about the love you had between you?
was it his mistake or what did you do?
as a man, I have been in love and am still in love, but no matter how much in love I am with you, imagine I can still go a head and sleep with another. This guy respects you in that, when he gets closer to the other girl she stops having sex with you. But this is not the problem, the problem is that he tells you he still loves you!...Sit him down, talk to him and know what he thinks because its so unfair that he makes you stagnant while he goes out and comes back. If he loves you he should be with you and if he doesn't, slam that door, meet new people and rebuild your life again and remember not to give in into his cheap lies of "I still love you" just to get you to bed! By the way, you have been so easy on him!..It all lies with you.
I hope you get the answer your heart desires from him.
good luck
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A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (13 December 2010):
 Lots and lots of men carry on sleeping with there ex's and they dont love them. If his reason for breaking up with you was that he was not in love with you then i would take this as the truth. Ok so he is still spending time with you and doing normal activities with you, but he could possibly be seeing this other girl and this way he is doing nothing wrong because he is not in a relationship with you.
I think you need to talk to him, if he is still saying he loves you then sit down with him and ask him why he is saying this if the reason he broke up with you was because he didnt. Ask him if he wants to get back together, if he doesnt then it is safe to say he may see you as a friend and nothing more. Also if he stopped having sex with you this in my head tells me he is a lot closer to this other girl than he is letting you know. If he doesnt want to get back with you then dont be physical with him at all in teh future, decide yourself if you can accept him as a friend in your life and if you cant then get rid of him from your life.
Goodluck.
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