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age
30-35,
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writes: Ok so i am 21 years old gal, have been with my boyfriend for two and half years now, we want to spend our lives together and I like the guy, he is sweet , caring.As a lot of time has passed now, i guess he has started to show his true nature. He is a mama's boy, he is kind of dominative, but we both are pretty much of the same nature.Now the problem is that he says he gets too much affection from his mother and his mother does all of his chores, ok I have no objection in doing some of his chores, but there are some chores u dont like doing, i mean if he loves me , why can't he help me ?? we are from such cultural and religious background where husband is considered God ...2nd problem is his family is most important for him, he gets really uneasy when i want some money or i tell him i want to get these things...So what i wanted to ask is this love ?? he says he loves me madly and doesn't even think about other gals, if he loves me he should be able to accept some of my requests, he is egoistic and he thinks its bad for a man to help with household chores , i mean wtf :( ....he is so stubborn and doesn't get my point of view that out of love he can help me .please help me !! Thanks i am really confused, am i over reacting ?? but i am too sensitive, I dont want to be treated like a slave.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2011): Sorry OP but if this is his religion and culture, if he's been raised this way and it's considered normal. Then you either have to accept that or find a guy who doesn't have the beliefs as him.
He's just abiding by his customs and acting the way he was raised. OP you shouldn't question his love for you because he could also question yours for the same reasons, is it love to want to change a person into being someone you want them to be? Because that's what you're asking of him.
Honestly you knew how it might be when you started dating, you knew he may be like this, also you've been with him for 2 1/2 years so you know very well what he's like as person and you also know he's not going to change, nor should he really. This is your issue OP not his, he is the way he is and there are plenty of other women in your culture that would embrace that kind of marriage.
You have to make a choice whether this is the way you want to live your life. Because frankly while I'm all for doing my share of the housework etc, that's my culture, that's the way I was raised, but there is nothing wrong with how he chooses to live either. That is how your culture and religion define his role. Mine doesn't. It's you who has to make a choice because his culture says he's just fulfilling his duty as a man. He has his own responsibilities and your duty as his wife according to your culture is to serve him. So you either accept that or you find a guy that doesn't believe those things.
A
female
reader, eyeswideopen  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 Count on being treated as a slave to all the household drudgery if you marry this guy. You won't be able to change him, so you just have to make your choice accordingly.
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A
female
reader, chigirl  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 I'm sorry, but if you want to marry a man who is supposed to be considered "god", then what can you expect? He will not do household chores, and if this makes you feel like a slave then he is not the type of man for you. Simple as that. Whether there is love or not is not the question. Yes he loves you, you love him, but love doesn't have anything to do with this. This s culture, tradition, custom, habit, behaviour. These things has nothing to do with love.
If he is to be considered god once you marry, have him marry you or stop doing these things until you get married? But then you must also accept that this is the way of things to him, if you marry him you know you will have to be the one doing all the household chores.
If this is not the kind of life you want, then even if you love him you must break free from him and find a man who will give you the type of life that you want.
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A
male
reader, Cerberus_Raphael  +, writes (10 May 2011):
 You shouldn't have to feel like a slave. Why shouldn't a man help with chores? What reasons has he given? If he says something like "it just is" I would seriously consider leaving him for someone a little more responsible and less likely to attempt to cover sloth up with a corruptness in belief. I'm not trying to offend anyone but surely most religions nowadays, have opened their believer's eyes to a culture more allowing to better things. Where husbands were once revered and wives belittled, everyone is more equal.
I understand why he would feel the need to avoid chores, because his mother did everything for him and rendered him incapable of taking some responsibility for things. Remind him that a relationship is a partnership, if this relationship is going to go anywhere, he will have to commit to his PARTNER, not his slave, not his servant, not his mother, his PARTNER. True, if he loved you, he would be willing to help you, especially since you seem to have given him enough signs to let him know you want his help, surely he doesn't expect that he would remain free of household chores for the rest of his life. Stand your ground and don't let him make excuses.
I hope that helps.
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