A
male
age
41-50,
*eedsjames79ls
writes:I'm 30, and married with a 5-year-old son from a previous relationship (the mother walked out on him a year after he was born, and not seen him since).I've been married for 3 years now, and suddenly my wife has developed a personality change, both physical and mental.I had been working one day earlier in the week, and my wife had a completely new look - her hair was all spikey, she was dressed very masculine with workman's boots, and she was smoking (a first, she'd previously been anti-smoking!). She said she was dressed "butch".I looked the term up on the Internet, and apart from its usual meaning of masculine, I also found out it described a lesbian subculture where they dress pretty much masculine.She's also been hanging out with new lesbian friends at gay clubs as well, I was told by friends of mine(a couple I know well, that is).She's ignored our son, and become completely obsessed with this partying lifestyle with these lesbian "friends".I've asked her why she's become like this, but she's become so uncommunicative, and when I asked her if I could meet these new friends she wouldn't let me meet them and I've no idea why.(I'm not a jealous person, rather the opposite, if someone has new friends I'm open to meeting them)It just astounds me that she's suddenly changed like this without me having any idea at all. Not one thing made me suspect she'd suddenly undergone this radical change.I tried to talk to her, but she won't listen. I'm still being a great dad to my son, it feels like my son has no mother figure in his life, which must be sad for him, as it feels like I have to play both roles.My wife's never shown any sexual interest in women before, so this sudden lifestyle change is baffling - I mean, if I suddenly started acting camp and gay (i.e stereotypes of gay men), wearing feminine clothing/pink and going to gay clubs all the time wouldn't she worry about me? This situation is puzzling me, I don't know what to do for the best, I feel happy when I'm with my son and in work, but when I'm with my wife, she just ignores me and treats me as "the Invisible Man".I have tried and tried but want to resolve this as soon as possible. How can I do this without having to resort to divorce? (the easy option) - as I don't want to have to do it except as a last resort.
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male
reader, softtouchmale2003  +, writes (31 August 2009):
 This is the tipping point. Just serve the divorce papers and move on with your son. It sounds like your wife has developed an entirely new lifestyle which does not include her family.
You are better off under this scenario. Your best bet is to move on and make a new set of circumstances for your life and that of your child.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): I think your son is your priority here. You need him to have a role model quite rightly and you are being let down. She is putting herself above anyone else's needs. I think she is discovering her true identity and you need to give her an ultimatum and stick to it. She either explains herself fully or you are asking her to leave. I think her actions say it all but its important it comes truthfully from her - though I think she needs to be told you no longer find her attractive in this new attitude. Don't put yourself or your son through it anymore. There are women who would love you and your son unconditionally.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): She's not wanting you anymore, I know it's harsh to hear, I am a married woman who just met the man of her dreams. In the month since dating this guy I have got slimmer, sexier, been happier, but all the time, putting distance between me and my husband. I want a divorce, buut always have had as i knew the day i married him it was a mistake. only fear has led me into 2 years of marriage with him. It sounds like she may have met another woman who is turning her into this other figure, shes trying to impress her and be her ideal. I'm sorry that this has happened to you, but you need to get advice legally and also look after your little boy. he will be very confused at what is happening already. Good luck.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (31 August 2009): sorry there is no easy option here. seems like your wife has finally discovered her lesbian tendencies. your marriage is over. sorry to tell you this but you need to be realistic. your wife is no longer your wife and you can see her withdrawing and see her abondoning the child and yourself. try to make this as swift and painfree as possible. end this farce of a marriage because this is what it is right now. you need to decide about your boy and custody. if she has all but abondoned him recently, she may not want him in her life with her new friends and new sexual orientation. maybe the best will be sole custody??either way check out the finances, do your homework (assets/liabilities) and see an attorney asap.
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