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*hannon_r
writes: My b/f and I have been together for almost 4 years. We live together and have talked about getting married. Then the other night he tells me that he doesn't think he wants to get married he feels that he is too young (22) and hasn't dated alot of people and is not sure he wants to spend the rest of his life with me. He also tells me he loves me but is not in love with me anymore. We have both decided to try to work this out. II am OK about the marriage thing and can work through that. I need help on what I can do make him fall in love with me all over again. Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2005): He IS too young to get married...but if he is having reservations about you being "the one", You should get your own place and just date him. He needs to be sure of that before you put anymore "full time" into a relationship that might not be going anywhere.
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reader, HappyTimeHarry +, writes (22 May 2005):
The love you but not in love with you line has got to be one of cruelest phrases ever spoken. I sympathize with you. Although I never devoted so many years to someone only to have them say something like this, it has happened to me twice. I thought I could make them fall for me again both times and failed. Sometimes their spark for you dies, and there is nothing you can do about it but pick up the pieces and move on. You have the advantage of having spent four years with the man, so he may just be having a spout of angst and anxiety. If anything would work, it would be some kind of counseling. For something this important to you, I think you need a pro who can take in the whole situation to help. All we here can do is throw out well-intentioned suggestions, but a therapist could dig to the root of the issue. They might suggest a trial more space/dating thing, which would be probably be painful to you. Most important thing, don't lose hope.
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