A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:i broke up with my ex boyfriend in October because i felt like i stopped loving him. i started a new relationship in january. although i still had alot of insecurities about my previous boyfriend.through the new relationship i was constantly messed up and worrying about my old boyfriend and feeling it was all my fault for the break up and taking blame. he still loved me and still does and he was really heart broken. i never ever wanted to hurt him like that. through my new relationship i felt my guy loved me so much more than i loved him. i was scared of being hurt and things not working out. i felt that my new boyfriend couldnt love me as much as my previous one did but then things started picking up. i started to believe more n more he reli loved me. he told me he loved me and hed never leave me and wanted to be with me forever.i felt quite sad about that because i didnt think i cud live up to him. but two weeks ago i felt i had a breakthrough. i felt i was finally strong enough to get over my ex and i nu i loved this guy. i really did and i was so happy. i was so relieved that id did it. although i was sad because with the love i felt i was more dependnt on him and missed him more and wanted to be with him more.then about 3 days after he texted me telling me he loved me and he was sorry he wasnt showing it enough lately. i asked him what he meant and he told me he was feeling off with me. that he new he loved me but e didnt feel the spark where he used to so he was a bit off but its all fine now. it made me feel so sad. i suddenly felt i just withdrew everything and packed all my emotions straight back into me. i felt so vulnerable. i felt like he didnt love me anymore and i was terrified. he told me he was worried before and he didnt like the idea of being together forever. he was scared that we might build something up and then it wudnt work and hed need to hurt me and get out. he seems to keep worrying about breaking up. that hel wake up oneday and not love me. it really scares me.i feel i cant open back up to him. i feel like i love him but i cant express it. whenever he tells me he loves me i feel like hes kidding on.i feel like hes lying to me and i feel a bit irritated with him. im screaming to love him inside.i feel my old boyfriend loves/d me more. and im not used to my current boyfriend not texting me so often and not wantng to take any chance to see me.like for instance i was really sick the other day and i phoned him. he told me last time he wanted to come up and c me and look after me. then he just told me id b ok n hel c me later. i went to our class (we're both at uni together) and sat wth him because i felt like i just wanted him there. iw as throwing up in the bathroom before going but im scared being sick on my own. i was feeling sick in class and i asked him to come with me to the bathroom. he took me to the loo and then left. i texted him sayn i wanted to go bak to his flat coz i didnt want to be on my own and he sed hed give me his keys. i wanted him to come with me. i felt like he didnt care at all. but he told me he thought i wanted to be on my own ... but i told him it scared me.i love him but im withdrawing from him because im scared. im not used to him not giving me so much attention. i want to love him but im so insecure if he loves me or not. what can i do?
View related questions:
a break, broke up, insecure, my ex, spark, text Reply to this Question
Share |
Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Stayc63088  +, writes (8 April 2008):
 It is certainly not a good thing he isnt sure about your relationship, but I think you have a bigger problem, with yourself. You sound a lot like how I used to be. Worried to death he doesnt love you but you love him and cant lose him cause you are now dependent on him. Its not a good way to be, and it isnt healthy. You sound as though you lack confidence. I know that you love him, but is the fear of losing him more than just love lost? Maybe fear of being alone? It also seems that you need to have someone there. This leads to worrying and insecurity about his feelings because you are scared to death he will leave you. You are terrified he doesnt love you. It seems like the end of the world now but think about it, if it ended, what would really happen? You would move on. You need to learn to love yourself and love being alone before you can have any healthy relationship and it is the absolute truth. If you dont love yourself then of course you will be reluctant to think anyone else does. Granted, his actions seem to say he doesnt care as much as you do. Ok my honest opinion is you should be alone. You are dependent and it isnt good. Maybe give yourself some time to sort things out. Im sure you will not do this, but it would be the best thing to do. Ive been where you are before, trust me. And if I remember correctly, I was unhappy. Constantly worrying about how he feels is no way to be. Needing him to be there because you are sick either. And him just saying he loves you isnt going to be enough for you, since he has said it and you feel he is joking or lying to you. What you want is for him to text you all the time like in the beginning, and truthfully, relationships do not stay the same way as in the beginning. It is all a lack of confidence. Hearing he wasnt sure how he felt for a few days hurts, but you say terrifying? You need time to be alone. Gain confidence and independence. If it ends in any way how mine did, you will become too needy and always asking if he cares, and he will pull away. You seem to be a lot more serious and have a lot more invested in him because you are so dependent on him. With more confidence would come better communication and not a fear of being so vulnerable. You could believe he loves you when he says he does. The whole relationship lacks communication from your side because of your fear of vulnerablity, he may have no idea you are feeling anything you have just stated. Take my advice, please. This isnt a healthy way to be in a relationship.
|
