A
female
age
30-35,
MusicalMistress
writes:Students look up to teachers because they're smart. They are mature. They're possibly good looking. They've had interesting lives. All the things all people look for in a character. But students can't do anything about itSo their own passion is locked away in a box. And over time it doesn't go away, but expands. And continues but this box doesn't get any bigger. They develop more feelings. They can't keep it in. Eventually this box will explode..A mix of emotions go through their heads. Some actually do care about their teachers. They care that they're happy. They want to look after them. They want to be there.They want to mean something to them. They want them to care and they can't get it out of their heads. Until eventually all the suffering previously is wasted on them leaving them forever...I don't believe students and teachers have the brightest of futures even if they do end up together. Things might not work out, partly do to the social image on them. How other people look on them...Its easy to fall for your teacher, and most have at one point. Serious or not. There is no solution to it either. Teachers are just fantastic people who attract people who are growing upbut people have to start understanding that it is hard for the pupil as well, it can be very painful for them, and they don't need people telling them not to do something they weren't planning on doing. I am not specifically aiming at any particular people who answer these sorts of questions. I am simply saying. Have empathy.And trust me, being totally in love with your teacher that hurts...when all you can think of everyday,in school, when you go anywhere is your teacher...and then people make up rumors about you and them, and when you ask for help, people call the teacher a child moslter or a peadifile. The student doesn't need to hear this. Everyday your teacher runs though your mind. When you see them you uncontrolbly smile at them. You just want them so bad that you just let out tears. And more then likely, the teacher is married with kids. So that can hurt. But, maybe, the teacher isn't married, no kids, no girlfriend/Boyfriend. That just makes you fall harder for them. You possalbly think that... you could end up with them. Being in love is a beautiful thing, but in this case... it hurts like hell! In my case, the teacher is my Band teach, Sunday school teacher, it's hard to look at them an d know that there is no way that they could be with you. No way. You look into their eyes... chills run down your spine. You can't breathe. My teacher is so talented. When i look at him, i see much more than a band teacher. I see the most talented man i have ever met. I see the one person that i will love no matter what shall happen. This is the man that is so perfect, so diffrent, that I am neverous just to be in the same room with him. When he hugged me, I felt like we were the only people in the world, like no one could hurt me. I felt protected. I am very blessed to have someone like him in my life. I praise God everyday for him.Mr.B is the only person i can fully trust with my life and kow that he will never betray me or let me fall. But I would like you guys opinons on this.
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reader, anonymous, writes (26 October 2012): I too have had a serious crush on a teacher. I was 18 at the time and the teacher was in his early 30's. Because he was my band teacher, we became very close and developed a full on friendship. In fact, we were more so friends than I was his student. Now, that I've graduated from high school, we still talk quite often and text frequently. He is single without any children. During my junior year of high school is when we probably first became the closest due to the fact that he was helping me through a very traumatic time in my life. This of course made me view him as my hero.
The Florence Nightingale syndrome is a syndrome in which a struggling person (me) often falls in love with his/her savior. It is most commonly seen in doctor/patient relationships. When a person who is having a difficult time and is "saved" by someone, this syndrome indicates a love and affection that grows on one, or both sides of the situation. The person being saved doesn't fall in love with the actual person (although they might feel very strongly for them), but fall in love for what they did for them as an individual.
Perhaps this is what I am experiencing, however, my feelings over the years have only intensified, but have remained quiet. Our friendship is continuing and still very emotional and personal.
A
female
reader, Mr.whatson +, writes (11 June 2011):
Have any person ever wondered why when a young adult asks for suggestions to a serious question that truly affects them as a person they recieve the same wise and intelligent answers from a wise and much older adult that is a teacher? What these adults are trying to do is to lead and persuade a young adult into making the wise and intelligent decision, well not me, I am here to lay specific facst from what I have read and overviewed by many of these articles scattered all over the internet. There are simple questions that teachers and students need to ask themselves when they are put in the " loving student, loving teacher " position. We will start with the teacher. The first question is " am I willing to jeopardize my career for this young adult?" The second question should be " how will this affect the student?" the third question is " could I possibly go to jail for this?" The following questions are geared toward teachers with families. " Am I willing to separate my family for this student?" , the fifth question should be " how will this affect my children ( if you have children)?" The last question is, " Am I willing to put everything on the line for this student that may or may not be mature enough to handle this?" now, since the young adult in this relationship is more geared toward the more emotional side the following questions are harder for the student. The first question the student should ask him/ herself " do I feel right starting a relationship with an older adult that is more experienced and more mature then I might be?" The second question is " should I risk embarrassing myself if the teacher does not feel the way I do ?". The third question is " am I willing to ruin or jeopardize the teachers relationship with his family?" the fourth question is " how will the people I care about react to this decision? The fifth question is " am I willing to put the teachers job and maybe even his/her life on the line?" sixth, " am I willing to live with the concequences this relationship could bring? And last " is this what I really want?" if either teacher or student is unsure in their answer with any of these questions then maybe the right thing to do is to indulge In the love from afarI hope this helps with any teachers or students that don't know what to do in this situation
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A
female
reader, SephiriaVonEizbern  +, writes (23 April 2011):
As the saying goes, 'love is blind'. Have you ever wonder what does the phrase suggest? It meant that when one fall in love with someone, they tend to devoid all the speculation or realistic facts that they must be awared of... It's absolutely normal for a human being to have a desire of love and being loved but one must know their limits... For instance, if one falls in love with his or her teacher, what might happen to the poor individuals when the teacher decided to have a realtionsip with someone else? One must think about that... Don't be the victim of love. Be wise and make sure that you are the one who conquer the feeling of love and not the feeling of love conquers yourself...
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reader, anonymous, writes (29 September 2010): I am in a difficult situation with my teacher. We are so comfortable in each others company, and we know each other so well. I even know how he likes his coffee and tea, and sometimes I get him a cup when I have a free period :) he does have a girlfriend, but it isnt going well. This gives me hope. The hardest thing about that is it as painful as you say. I often try not too think about him, but I cant help it. He is like the guy of my dreams. What is even harder is that he flirts with me, and smiles at me in such an adorable way I want to hug him. But I can't.
I think some teachers do fall for their students, but they shouldnt be allowed to do an absolute thing until the pupil has left school. They can lose their job, be sent to jail and get into all sorts of trouble. And both the pupil and teachers name will be ruined. It isnt worth the trouble to be together. Just try to enjoy the good times with your teacher, and it will pass and you can enjoy another mans company. You look up to him and he sounds like a wonderful person, but try to calm you feelings down, because it hurts even more when you leave school and probably nothing will happen. But it would be wonderful to be friends for life with him.
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reader, anonymous, writes (12 October 2009): Ah, Thanks for posting this! It is a major relief to read that others are stuck in the same catch 22.
It is not a teacher i've had, but just a really great teacher in my school. Theres a 28 year differance.. .
I do realize the fine line he has to walk seeing that hes married with three kids and a good career in teaching.
I would never in any way attempt anything because i do understand my position as a student.
Still I understand what people mean; I only wish for the guys happiness.
I have not gotten a hug, but an occasional arm around the shoulder which is a warm gesture in itself.
Alas this is the last year of highschool for myself and I will not deny that im not freaking out just a little bit. Just thinking about it and i miss him already.
Because of this teacher I get better grades in school, I care about learning, and he got me back into playing guitar, which was a hurtle that he unknowingly helped me overcome.
Hes nice to me and even though hes never taught me he calls me his favourite student :) which makes me really happy.
We talk everyday wether its a simple hello, or about music or movies, or even how his class went, or how his day has been.
I like the fact that he lets myself and a guy friend (who also looks up to this teacher) get him things like coffee or movies and in return he has given us thingsto remember him by.
Before I met him I was seriously depressed and had suicidal thoughts. Just by him being kind to me and giving me the time of day he has helped me so much, he has no clue.
Thank You Mr._____ for everything you never know you've done for me!
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reader, anonymous, writes (16 June 2009): I have the same exact problem. Only my teacher i dont really know well. He is in his late thirties has a kid and a wife and appears to me that he doesnt like me at all. Everytime he sees me in the hall, he never says hi, always seems annoyed at me and i self abuse myself thinking that he doesnt like me and how messed up i am still thinking about him. I want him soo much to like me, and care for me as i do for him but i know it'll never happen. I then have another teacher who loves me! i kinda like him too but i see him as a father rather than love. I seem them both as father figures and thats why i think im so attracted to them,. I lost my dad a while ago and i feel the best when they show care towards me and when they help me with my problems. It made me feel so good when the other teacher hugged me and told me not to give up with my problems. Ive always wanted to be close to my dad but it never really happened. Whenever i see either one, i get all nervous and red faced. I hate why i feel this way, and i can't figure out how to fix it. I feel like i have to do something wrong so that theyll notice me since they are deans. I hate this so much. and leaving school makes it horrible for me. i just punch walls and cry about it. i want to grow up and leave this all behind. I just wished somebody could help me, cause i dont think i can do this much longer.
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reader, mysterious_blonde_lady  +, writes (20 May 2009):
No. This is not why students fall for their teachers. It is not because they are wonderful people, they are perfect or very smart or anything. It is because a student THINKS their teacher is all of these. In truth, teachers (most of them) are just normal average every day people doing a job. Sometimes you might take to a teacher because they are in authority, because they are older and therefore 'more mature'. I will tell you something about that, they arent much more! Most men, are still boys at heart well into their 50s. It isn't love that is painful, its all the other stuff that comes with it. You can safely love someone and want the best for them without needing to be 'with them' if love is truly selfless. The problem is, the reason most teenage girls fall for their teachers is insecurity. It's a great age for insecurity, you meet someone who is respected, who is educated who can teach yuo things and is attractive it's bound to excite you as at this age you are curious about things. I think that that 17-18 year old girls can have relationships with men who are up to 10-11 years older than them if the maturity level matches and this is why teacher/student professional relations can be so awkward; because meeting under different circumstances you might have taken to each other.
One problem with teacher crushes, is that often they are very irrational. You believe this person can make you happy, that you can make then happy that somehow your love for him can overrule every other influence in yours and his life. You feel as if you need to be with him otherwise you wont feel whole. Noone is perfect, including teachers some of them are very flawed human beings, most of these flawed teachers are the ones having relationships with their students. It would be a mistake to put your teacher on a pedastol, he may seem great at school but at home he is just a regular guy with gross habits and weird fetishes. If you truly love someone, you know they aren't perfect, loving someone isn't just loving them for their strengths, it's loving them for their weaknesses and flaws too. If you paint a portrait for someone you barely know, that's where the pain comes from. If you convince yourself that you and him are the ones supposed to be together, that's where the pain comes from, if you convince yourself that your very happiness depends entirely on his wanting you, this is where the pain comes from.
I have for nearly 6 years believed that i was in love with my teacher, it started off as just a crush and over time it got worse. I was unfortunate enough to like a teacher who fancied young girls and was very willing to take advantage. In the end he tried to blackmail me into sleeping with him for grades. I thought he was lovely and perfect and sweet and caring in the beginning. He used to do loads for me, took a huge interest in me, he used to say i was pretty and lovely and his favourite and commended me greatly on work giving me loads of help. He would give up his time to see me about work, always asked me how i was... he started touching me over time and built up to masturbating in front of me. I had fallen in love with him by this point, and i was no fool, i knew he was a pervert but the problem was i thought i was special, i was different that he would never do that to ME. I was wrong. It's just not worth it, some things are better left unknown and undone, the memories alone will haunt me forever, we don't even speak now and pretend not to see eachother in the corridors, i lost my a level because i had to drop it when he tried to blackmail me the second time and when i reported it the school didn't believe it and said 'wheres ur evidence'. Things are never what they seem and in the words of my fucked up teacher 'people are often percieved to be something they're not.'
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female
reader, sunnyd223 +, writes (14 May 2009):
I have a friendship with my teacher i gave him something one time and his daughter was sitting right there and he said " She brings me this everyday because she is my friend" Oh if he only knew how much i care for him and i only want him to be happy at any means neccisary.He needs to be happy and i only wish him the best with his wife but for now i will admire from afar any people who caan relate i want you to listen to a song called sideways by citizen cope it will help you when i listen to it i can only relate to every word in it.
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female
reader, sunnyd223 +, writes (12 May 2009):
I am in love with my teacher also,I relate to everything you are saying i get a hug from him everyday and i love it i am dreading the summer i wont get to see him againg and whats worse is i have actually cried over him any way please if u have the chance write me back.I love the lang teacher at my school and i have actually paid attention at my school this year i have learned a lot he is a wonderfull teacher possibly the best one i have ever had.
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female
reader, justme..x +, writes (8 April 2009):
 hey, great article! :)I can totally relate to how you've described it, as I'm going through it now as well.I don't think it's wrong, unless the teacher shows he returns the feelings by physical affection towards the student, as this is illegal. I also think it's wrong if they love each other, but the teacher has a family (but I think that is the teacher's fault, not the student).I mean, I didn't WANT to fall in love with my teacher. It wasn't a choice, it just happened, and I can't get rid of it. However I'm not going to try anything for all the sensible reasons (he'll lose his job, its illegal, he won't want me, it'll be embarrassing for both of us, i'll get moved out of his class .... etc).But I was really impressed with your question, I can really relate to it.I agree Juleskee, you are lucky he hugged you!! Not a lot of girls with crushes on teacher get affection in return. I don't think the hug was inappropriate, as, from your description, he is obviously just a friendly, encouraging and good teacher. Good luck to all girls like you and me who feel like this :) xxx
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female
reader, juleskee  +, writes (2 April 2009):
Hey, I'm in love with a teacher, too. He's not MY teacher. He's just A teacher. He knows I like him because my friends keep screaming my name whenever he passes by. And the entire faculty knows it, especially his male teacher friends.
You're lucky he hugged you. The closest thing I got to a hug was him standing beside me with our arms touching, but barely.
He's also very smart and funny. Not good looking, but he has this look and charm that just makes me love him more. But he has a girlfriend.
But, sometimes, when he looks at me, I get a tingly feeling and a spark of hope that he will someday love me too. BTW, did I tell you he's 29? I still hope. I know that's really gross, and it would still sound weird if I said that "age doesn't matter". I just enjoy my time with him (or so-called time) and hope for the best, Sometimes I even dream of being his wife. I have accepted the fact that I won't be, even though there are a million signs why we should be together.
You know what, the only advice I can give is that you should just love him, (don't tell him because it'll be awkward. Whenever we cross paths, it's always awkward), and enjoy your time. And whatever decision he makes, respect it and be happy for him.
Oh, and I saw that some replies say that teachers should be professional and all, but it doesn't mean you can't be friends. In my school, our teachers are really cool inside and outside the classroom, but they have their strict moments, too. Just because you're friendly and cool doesn't mean you're not professional. So, it's okay that your teacher hugged you. We hug our female (and some male) teachers too! We even kiss 'em on the cheek! (Well, the female ones anyway.)
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): It IS legal to go out with your former teacher, though, but it is frowned upon.
That's probably the only way to "go out with your teacher".
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reader, anonymous, writes (14 March 2009): A good teacher is someone who can relate to his students. Oddly enough, that's remarkably rare. Although every adult has gone through adolescence, surprisingly few get through it and still manage to relate.
School girls going through adolescence often have few adult men with whom to relate. Their fathers may be preoccupied, may still see them as children, and may frankly be terrified of the changes that are happening to their 'babies.' With fewer and fewer men in the teaching profession, the occasional one who 'gets it', who relates to adolescent girls, seriously risks being the target of wow serious crushes.
Those men have a really difficult line to walk. They have to support the girls, build them up, help them to develop self-confidence. And they MUST maintain the necessary distance. They have to remain a responsible (but sympathetic) authority figure. They CANNOT become a friend.
The fact that that line is so difficult to walk, the fact that the temptation of budding, infatuated women is so seductive, and the fact that a vindictive false accusation is career destroying, means that ever-fewer men even think of risking it.
I'm very grateful that there are still some men who can and do fill that role -- I have a son in the school system who needs male role models!
For MusicalMistress -- it's wonderful that your band teacher is a great guy. Appreciate him for his presence. But you can't be anything more than a thankful student. Please don't dishonour his contibution by trying to make it anything more.
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female
reader, ixlxoxvxexyxoxu +, writes (13 March 2009):
This is really great.I totally relate to what you said!Good work, carry it on. Its really inspiring to young people like myself
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A
female
reader, marisol +, writes (9 March 2009):
some students start to feel like that because they do not get the love at home and they need love from some were else so they find it in diffent place so that why they fall for there teachers
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A
male
reader, ArmyMedic +, writes (9 March 2009):
 As you referred directly to my my advise I feel I have the right to reply why I said he was acting inappropriately.
All teachers are in a position of trust, they have had years of training and are subject matter experts. As teachers are dealing with CHILDREN (You are a Child until you are 18) they get taught all about child protection, and how sometimes their students can "fall in love" with them.
Now if a teacher then starts hugging his pupils and telling them he loves them, this is going against their code of conduct, like a doctor talking about a patient in a bar! If this teacher gives preferential treatment to one student who blatantly has a crush on him, it borders on illegal behaviour.
And I believe my exact quote was "IF he does anything sexual with you it would make him a paedophile" (not paedifile - I think that is some kind of folder about foot disorders) and that he would loose his job. There was no accusation made just advise that you should not act on your feelings for him.
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