A
female
 ,
anonymous
writes:There is this guy (21 years old he is, and i am 19) and he says he likes me alot, and wants to be in a relationship with me. I like him too but there is one thing which is keeping me from saying yes to him.He seems to be still stuck on his ex gf. He had a gf for 4 years and the only reason they broke up was because she moved far away. He says that if she didnt move, they probably would still be together. He goes on and on about how good there relationship was and how she was just so beautiful on the inside and out and how they were perfect for each other.But then he says he likes me. I just find this so confusing. And even if he truly does like me, i dont know if i could cope having my bf talk about his ex girlfriend like that, non stop. They keep in contact regularly and are really close. So yes I am jealous. And sure nothing may happen between them because they live so far away from each other. But that doesnt take away their emotional connect they have. I feel like if i go into a relationship with him, he might not be cheating on me phsyically, but emotionally, he will be, because his heart still seems to be with her. he claims he has moved on though...but i just dont get that feeling.What do i do?
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female
reader, minnie73 +, writes (6 December 2008):
 I was in a similar situation..
I started dating a guy ages ago and it immediately came apparent to me that i was second best to his ex and the only reason he was with me was because he couldn't have her.
She left him, and he said he took a year to get over her, and he still thinks they're soulmates. but since she no longer wanted him, he was free to date someone else and settle for second best.
I stuck around for a while because i really liked him and thought he might start to fall for me after a while. After i still felt second best for too long, i ended it and we became good friends. Now im with someone else, he tells me everything i needed to hear - 6 months too late.
I'm not sure exactly where im going with this - only that you need to work out if she came back, would he drop you for her. In other words, is it only over because she moved away and therefore, you'll always be feeling second best. If so, determine whether second best to his ex is an option you'll willing to take, or whether you can get him to fall for you harder than he did for his ex. Just because I couldn't get my ex to love me more, doesn't mean you can't.
A
female
reader, Country Woman  +, writes (6 December 2008):
 I think you need to spell it out to him, tell him that you like him a lot but you cannot be a the consolation prize, you are worthy of some much more.
You want him to be your bf without having the regular contact with his ex. I am assuming she has not moved on from him with a new bf?
Tell him that you understand a little bit of contact but if it is so regularly you are not going to sit around whilst he has only half an eye on you and the majority of his affection and love still with his ex gf.
You deserve a bf who is going to be there for you and who will give you at least 95% of his attention.
Talk to him openly and without to much emotion. If he sees that you would like to be with him but cannot handle only half or quarter of his love this may make him think and then make his own decision.
You are not asking him to chose but you are asking him to enter into a relationship with you without having too much contact with his ex, I think that is fair but at the end of the day the decision has to be his.
Don't settle for second best as you are worth so much more. You are not trying to control him but instead being honest about the way you feel OK.
Keep us posted on what happens eh!
BFN
Country Woman
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