A
female
age
30-35,
*romilias
writes:Ok, I signed up to this site specifically to ask the question, because its doing my head in. Be warned, the following is stupidly long and brain cell-killing.So here goes, there is this guy I'm great friends with, I fell in love with relatively quickly, it didn't take him long to put 2 and 2 together but we don't let that get in the way of our friendship. He wasn't ready to get into a relationship because he was getting over an unrequited love of his own, but not long after I was told this by another close friend who had talked to him, he asked out one of his friends.They aren't officially going out, because shes a bit all over the place, she's never /not/ involved with someone and as we just start summer holidays she has a ridiculous number of jobs so she's hardly ever free. Naturally this shattered me, him asking her out. I mean this guy is modern day prince charming, he's hilariously funny, cute, quirky, interesting, considerate and all of this to the put that it hurts, I think I'd give my life for him. Our friendship is so amazing, I can always be myself around him without worrying about what he thinks, he always has something interesting to say, we always make each other laugh hysterically.Despite the fact that he doesn't look at me the same way, he always compliments me, calls me adorable, he gave me a cute name, because he said I'm sweet. Now I'm thrilled about all of this, but I'm very confused at the same time.You see, my friend whom is going out with a guy (they're high school sweet hearts in the making, btw) who is friends with this guy that I love, is also friends with another guy, and lets just say, all of them including the guy I like have been supporting and pushing for me to go out with this other guy because he's interested in me.To an extent, I'm interested too, but not to what everyone says he is for me. It's also very difficult, because he can't really look me straight in the eye, he acts a bit bored or uninterested, though everyone tells me that its because he's nervous and doesn't know what to do around me.Anyway, we're going out together to see a movie on Thursday, I don't know whats going to happen though.So after ALL this rambling, here is my question: What do I do? I like this guy but I like another guy A LOT as well, I don't want to hurt him but I need something to take my mind of him so it doesn't hurt as much.
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female
reader, Eromilias +, writes (24 November 2010):
Eromilias is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThank-you again, Anon, for your reply.
I've very pleased that I've been able to convince you otherwise of my own personal hold of the situation, and that it as not as fragile and filled with typical teenage ignorance as you originally first thought.
Though the situation is still uncertain, please know that I will most definitely keep in mind what you have told me, I know at my age this is going to be difficult.
Thank-you for you input, it has been most helpful.
-Eromilias
A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): hi Eromilias, i am heartened by your well reasoned confident reply to my earlier post. If you are not already in a debating team i suggest you join one as you will do very well.
What some call love is more akin to a crush that will soon pass. But in your case i will concede that you can, and you do love this person in a romantic love for a person who has inspired you enough to feel that romantic love for them.
Yes, you are correct. We can Love in many ways, at any age, and that love can include the love of a pet, a past time, our family, a special friend, an idea, or an ideal, or a place.
There are many different types of love and romantic love for a person is one of those loves. And then within romantic love there are different types of romantic love as detailed by the Ancient Greeks in writings so long ago. The Ancient Greeks had names for each type of romantic love, even for the love at first sight love, which in Italian culture is thought of as a 'thunder strike'.
And the one we love romanticly can present to us as the most unique and wonderful person. Now i have no doubt that you are feeling genuine love for this person you mention. I should not have underestimated you. You are articulate and intelligent in your understanding.
Your good spirit and good commonsense , indicated in your follow up reply inspired me, and demonstrates you are more on track in a positive way than than i perceived from your first post.
My apologies to you for my misreading of your intentions re too early sexual activity.That is a huge plus that you are firmly resolved to not go down that path.
Just be aware that some boys will persistently persist to try to change your mind on that aspect.
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A
female
reader, Eromilias +, writes (23 November 2010):
Eromilias is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks for your reply, anon.
I thought hard about what you have written,
This issue that I am having is a result of my own affections and emotions, I understand that these situations can be of an ego-related matter particularly among young males, not all though, which is otherwise quite a pessimistic view on the subject.
I'd like to contradict what you said about being too you to profess love, love has no age limits.
However I do understand where you are coming from with the immaturity levels of the age group, its a shame that a generalization exists though. I am very much aware that the likelihood of any of this lasting is minimal, but right now it matters, you don't have to dedicate your life to studying to be intelligent and well informed about the world. Seems quite bland to me.
Of course it is difficult, as seeking advice from those who do not personally know those whom I am speaking of, I don't usually involve myself in such matters but this situation in particular is unique that the guy is unique, simply put.
Though I am a but stunned as to the mentioning of sexual activity, which I did not mention as being a factor in this equation, it never has and never will be as long as I am this young and unmarried. I know enough about this to know where I stand on such issues, and are irrelevant to what I am talking about here.
Thanks again for your input~
-Eromilias
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): you are impatient and eager to continue 'playing' a game you are not emotionally ready to play.
At 13-15 it is ok to like a guy. From a distance.
Of course boys in your age group are funny, delightful and fun. Enjoy their company but it is way too early to get into relationships and to be professing love
Boys under the age of 18 are more interested in tasting what is on offer and then boasting to all their male friends, with a blow by blow description of all that the girl allowed him to do, her with him, often with some exaggeration. That is how a girl gets a bad name as 'easy' with all the other boys.
Boys asking you out does not 'prove' your attractivness to the boys. They ask you out because they have a high expectation that you will agree to go out with them. And they often wish to push the boundaries as soon as you will allow that to happen too.
There is no shame in waiting longer to discover the joys of boys. The boys will still be there when you are 18 and 20 and 30. The boys will still be there as you build your career. But by then the boys will be men.
So often boys just muck up your life when you are too young to handle all the drama of what a boy/girl mucked up relationship can generate.
And getting all worked up, making it into a major drama, concerning two boys you hardly know, in each instance is a waste of time, when:
(a) there is nothing wrong with admiring boys from afar, but such admiration does not have to inevitably then develop into an exclusive boy/girl relationship. Such things can wait.
(b) you are still in school, too young to get serious about any one on one exclusive relationship with a boy, that could lead to unlawful underage sexual experimentation
(c) smart girls at your age concentrate on studies, not boys
In the animal world even animals recognise when a young female animal is too young to be touched sexually by a male.
Elephants, for instance - the females will stamp the ground, kick up dust, and put themselves between male elephants trying to mate with a female that is too young to do so, and thus likely to be hurt by the hormone charged male. Pity humans cannot protect too young females. There are laws of course. Laws that recognise that very young girls are unable to comprehend all the conseqences of relationships that result in more than the girls can consent to, with informed consent. But it seems some very young children are still intent on doing things they are not ready for.
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