A
female
age
30-35,
*ngelbaby92
writes:so i was with my ex for 8 months before we broke up. we were both in love and i was happy with him except it was long distance and we talked maybe twice a week. we were broken up for about 3 weeks before i got with my current boyfriend(we've been together for about 4 weeks). the problem is though i can't stop thinking about my ex. i desperately want to call him but i know i shouldn't. i just need to get over him but i'm not sure how i can.
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broke up, long distance, my ex Reply to this Question
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female
reader, angelbaby92 +, writes (23 November 2010):
angelbaby92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionI have to say even though its not what i want to hear lol you've all given me a lot to think about and i thank you.
A
female
reader, Fail.. +, writes (23 November 2010):
I think that you still care about your ex but it might just be that you haven't had enough time to get over it. Breaking up is hard obviously but you still have to remember that you still need time to heal. I was with my ex for 3 years and i still haven't gotten over him or the fact that we have been broken up for 8 months. it sucks but we have to deal with it.. I'm very sorry for your confusion and i hope you find come clarity.
hope this helps
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy  +, writes (23 November 2010):
No, end it. Telling your boyfriend won't make this ex go away, and it's unfair to have a boyfriend around as a replacement. End it, spend time alone working on your own life. Don't keep him around, because he'll fall for you more, and in a year you'll just want this ex more, and he'll be even more hurt. You're not ready for a relationship.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Yes, I echo the sentiments of the other two agony aunts/uncle.
This is surely rebound, and eight months was long enough to have formed a real bond with your ex-boyfriend. And as you say you were BOTH IN-LOVE!
Ok, lets play devils advocate here, I'm going to ask you some questions, and NO, you don't have to tell ME, but your answers will surely head you on the right path as to what you might do next.
1.If your ex-boyfriend lived just a hour away would you still want to be with him?
2.Was there any other ISSUES in your relationship apart from distance?
3.Could you ever see yourself MOVING to where he lives to be nearer him ( at 18-21 you could probably get work where he is) Or would HE have considered moving closer to you at some point?
If you answer YES to question one and three, then think about this. IF NO, then again think about this logically and the outcome already. Question TWO, If you answer YES to this, then may be it wasn't just the distance. If NO, then I would consider some options.
For a minute, coming back to this current guy - it would be the kindest act to end this with him. For BOTH of you, going from being madly in love with someone to dating again within THREE weeks is madness, sorry, but you admit you still want and love your ex, so why are you trying to date yet? There is nothing wrong with being single, nothing at all. None of us needs to have someone in tow constantly, as though we can't function without the opposite sex by our sides.
We grow far more as individuals and become more selective in our choices by taking time for ourselves, it also prevents us from REBOUND dating where we risk the feelings of others. And whilst you are in the 'RAW'stages of this break-up, you need to take a few steps and allow yourself some time to heal. To go through your emotions.
Back to your ex. You don't say how you met, which I presume due to being distance involved, it was via a dating site or one of the social networking sites. So how many times have you seen each other, how have you managed to date enough to KNOW you are both in-love, as all kinds of scenarios are springing to mind. If the distance is so great, how did you ever get it off the ground in the first place.
Distance need NOT be such an issue, all my life, well nearly all my life I've had LDR's due to partners being in the military, or more recently living 90 minutes away. But again you don't say IF this is bus or a flight away, another state.
I hoping some of the areas I mentioned might help you decide IF it was workable or not, therefore a natural conclusion will be formed. Also lots of people break up,and decide they miss each other after a while, and give it another go, it doesn't always work out, but at least they know they tried - nothing is set in stone, unless you want it to be.
And as for not calling him when you so desperately want to, well why not? What have you lose, may be him not responding or even asking you not to call again, but hey, that is where you are now, on the flip side, he may be just as eager to hear your voice as you are his - but both of you acting like the other one doesn't matter, just not calling out of fear of rejection or being the first one.
Life is about risk, without it we become constrained and live life by a set of rules and fears that we never full-fill our emotional potential.
Lots for you to think about...post back if you feel it has helped..( or not as the case may be ;-)
Jilly
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): To OP, you bring up a good point. I think in this case you need to do what is best for yourself and your own personal well being. That is NOT selfish when ending a relationship. I would apologize to this guy for getting him involved. Tell him that you are not ready for a relationship and need to clear your head and made a mistake. If he's mature, he will understand that and will keep his emotions shown to a bare minimum.
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A
female
reader, angelbaby92 +, writes (23 November 2010):
angelbaby92 is verified as being by the original poster of the questionBut i do really like my boyfriend nd i don't wanna break up with him...should i just tell him what's going on and see what he wants to do?
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (23 November 2010): Boom. CaringGuy is in the house like furniture on this.
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A
male
reader, CaringGuy +, writes (23 November 2010):
Your current boyfriend is nothing but a rebound, and I think you should end it, for your sake and his sake. I think you'l agree that it's unfair on your new boyfriend to be going out with him, knowing that you're basically not over your ex. A relationship built upon something like that is doomed from the start.
The only way to get over your ex, is to be out there living your own life. Meet new people, do new things, focus on work. Anything. Just don't call the ex, and end things with this new guy. You're not ready for a new relationship yet.
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