A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I have a problem. I am 43 years old and my best friend in life is a beautiful 27 year old woman. We have developed over the last 3 years, a very deep connection. We understand each other in business and in personal terms, speaking every day, seeing one another in business often, socially twice a week - going to cinemas, meals out, events etc. We hold hands, occasionaly kiss. I am single, as is she. We agree that our difference in age and the fact that I have 2 children by a previous marriage is enough to prevent a proper relationship. But we are stuck. We have slept together previously and the sex in amazing for both of us, but the mental and emotional understanding of each other is the thing that cements us. We have tried to stop being so close, but it just hurts. We have managed to stop a physical relatioship on the basis that we surely must seperate ourselves if we are ever to find proper fulfilling relationships with others in the future. Trouble is we want our cake and eat it, as we want to remain close and supportive of each other. We have spoken often about this dilema and agree that the problem is that we cannot be honest about our friendship relationship with new partners as the closeness of what we have is more than friendship but short of a relationship. The connection is incredible and deep, and finding a partner with even a percentage of this understanding of each other is unlikely. Stuck between friendship and relationship, with agreement that we cannot have a relationship - what do we do?
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): Hi anonfrom reading your problem the only problem here is either you your "friend" or both of you are kidding yourselves, if the emotional and mental connection is there, no one else will ever fill the void, you have a relationship that no matter what is thrown at you could be overcome, the only problem here is one of you wants more than the other is prepared to offer. This title should read The truth and nothing but the truth - as this has been posed by you I believe that you are the one that wants commitment that isn't being offered. You need to ask yourself whether you can live and survive the next 20 years living a lie, wondering whether she will decide to commit to you or whether you can just keep kidding yourself that this isn't an issue. Can you see yourself just sitting back knowing she is out with someone else and not feel ripped up inside. You aren't stuck between friendship and relationship, you are stuck between a rock and a hard place and only you know the answer to your question and the statements I have made. To be truly happy you both need to be honest with each other and commit to each other or move on and maybe meet up for a meal or a night out once a month, otherwise you will be forever waiting for something that may or may never to happen. I really hope everything can work out for you and it can if the connection is as strong as you say and you BOTH want it to. If not you will live in Limbo and never be true to yourself. How do I know all this, I was you 10 years ago, similar age and similar story, how did mine end - living in Limbo for 8 years convincing myself that she would commit eventually, telling myself that seeing her on her terms was my idea. I finally ended it knowing that it wasn't ever going to go anywhere, I am now with someone else, I am not going to say this is the same, it isn't however I do love her and I know she feels exactly the same way which in real terms means a lot more.Good luck mate in your decision and hers, wish you all the best just don't waste your life waiting, wishing and wanting if the end result is always going to be the same
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 March 2009): I'm asking you why you both are holding back? Age is just a number. If she responsible enough to help care for two children (I'm assuming the actual mother has part-custody as well) and you both don't feel weird about all of this, start dating!
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