A
female
age
30-35,
*weetSmoochy
writes:I very much love my boyfriend. We have been together for about 9 months and he is my very best friend. I am, however getting frustrated with his stubborness. In some ways, I like that he is stubborn. It keeps him out of trouble, free of peer pressure, and I kind of find it cute at times. Other times, it's just exasperating. For example, he won't listen (to me or anyone else) about things that are for his own good. He has thus far refused to register for the draft because he doesn't want to have anything to do with the military, regardless of the fact that it is illegal to be unregistered at his age (he is 19 next month) He could suffer a massive fine and even jail time for not registering, but he still won't. I have also tried to talk to him about how he should work out with me to stay healthy, but he also refuses to do that. I'm not trying to be a nag. I'm trying to help him. How do I talk to him so he will listen?
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female
reader, Abella +, writes (11 June 2011):
 He knows his own mind. But should also be able to articulate why. Because there will be times when he will be challenged on why.
But you can't change his mind for him. Nagging does not help either. You can only change your behavior. Keep going to the gym. The aim being to keep you looking seriously Hot!
Same with eating healthy. If he wants to eat unhealthy then let him. You instead choose the chicken salad without cheese and without dressing, just some extra pickle to make it flavorsome. And let him know how good it feels.
If he had valid reasons then he had better get ready to document them and be able to justify the reasons in case he meets legal opposition to his stance. You are correct, he could get into serious trouble.
There are consequences for every decision we make.
And there are outcomes that are predictable, if we choose to go against the majority.
Or worse, go against the law.
Peer pressure can be horrific when a teen. Full marks if he resist that. It takes a lot of courage to not be carbon copies of one's peers and still remain with the same group of friends.
For instance I know exactly why I have never ever had any desire to drink alcohol and never have. And yes immense peer pressure has been put on me over this, but I have never relented on this one as my reasoning is very sound.
Similarly I have had to explain to a stubborn teen that stubborn children generally have mothers who are more stubborn (so no, you cannot go there, unless you tidy your room first - said to my teen)
Let him know regularly how much you admire his good points, or when he takes a good action.
But give him less attention when he makes poor choices. Don't reward the poor actions with attention (nagging is still attention.) If he chooses to eat unhealthy then fix yourself something healthy. Comment on how good yours is. Make no comment on what he is eating.
And change the subject or distract him with something else if he tries to talk aboit what he is eating. Shrug your shoulders if he really wants to justify why his decisions are right.
He is entitled to make his own decisions and take the consequences.
But as he is so stubborn about listening to your concerns then there is no reason why you need to listen to his justifications about breaking the law. Nor about why he's not interested in keeping fit nor eating healthy.
Tell him he can put his justifications to the Judge or the Doctor, as the case may be.
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