A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hi everyone, I'm having a little trouble coming to terms with my sexual orientation. I have always believed I was strait after having a string of girlfriends and many sexual partners. But over the last couple of years I have found myself being attracted to men and finding them really arrousing. I tend to masturbate over gay porn nowadays but still enjoy the straight tmstuff too. But as soon as I'm fineshed with the gay porn I turn it off and think its disgusting why I'm watching this! I have never acted on my feelings towards men (other than when I was younger with a mate just fooling around) as nobody know about them and I don't feel I'm ready to tell anyone yet, because I don't know what they would think of me. I've tried Internet dating sites but the guys on there tend to be just after meet ups and dirty pictures. I don't wanna to that I wanna discover myself, discover what I really want as most of all get comfortable with it. I want to branch out and experiment but don't know what routes to go down to do so. So i guess my questions are why do I feel wrong after watching gay porn? How do I go about discovering myself when I can't openly chat up men because I can't tell any of my friends?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
reader, anonymous, writes (11 November 2011): Your response to the porn (immediately after enjoying it very intensely, otherwise you wouldn't watch it) sounds like part of what the psychologists call 'internalised homophobia', very very commonplace among males in the initial stages of realising their sexuality and coming to terms with it.
It will get easier over time as you accept the reality 'this is me, I can't help it, and this is something I just need to do'. As far as where you can meet men, the Internet dating world seems a little murky though I don't dispute that it works very well for some guys - really, there's no substitute for taking that deep breath and walking into a gay bar when you feel you've gathered the nerve to do it.
Hope it works out. Most of all, try to stop worrying or feeling guilty about all this.
A
female
reader, moon river +, writes (10 November 2011):
 you may just be bi sexual or curious, im pretty sure most people go through this stage and of course it is very hard to feel like you can accept yourself at first but it always becomes easier!
join a group where you can talk about it because trying to explain it to someone might make you explain it to yourself, hopefully this will help you.. even if you just try explain it on here
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A
male
reader, Boonridge McPhalify +, writes (10 November 2011):
 go to a gay bar and don't get drunk but just chat to people. realistically its not easy to meet other gay men at the best of times but if you are still unable to be open about it its going to be difficult, you will have to put yourself out there.
i'm openly gay and i find meeting men difficult
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A
female
reader, Shadow Rose  +, writes (10 November 2011):
 Well, the reason you feel wrong about watching gay porn is because you were probably raised to think being gay is wrong. A lot of religious people seem to think this way, and a lot of straight males as well. You probably are fighting with the straight guy mentality and these new feelings.
As for why you cant really talk to anyone online, from what I've seen, gay men are more open about your sexuality. I've had a friend and his boyfriend make out right in front of my face before, they didn't think it was anything wrong, of course. Now I'm not stereotyping, or bashing on gay men, In fact, a lot of my best friends are either gay, bi, or lesbian. They're fun people. (But they really need to stop telling me to get laid! lol)
And finally, before I go off on a long tanget, to adress your issue with your friends. Wait until you are positive you are what you think you are (bi, I would guess, but I cant pick your sexuality for you, only guess) and when you are positive your friends will accept you.
Some good questions to ask yourself would be:
Could I see myself falling in love with a guy?
Have I ever had feelings for a guy?
Do I still like girls too?
Which gender gives me most pleasure?
Can I see myself being a father someday?
and Will i be made fun of by my peers?
(The last one is sad, but sometimes true. If you are truly bi, or gay, and you think coming out will be a bad idea, it might be best to keep it on the dl and only tell those you trust)
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