A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:Hello,Well here's the situation I would like your opinions on.I am bisexual male. I always knew I was gay until one day I realized I also liked girls (this happened when I joined the university I am currently studying). Anyway, some years before university I met a guy which I liked. Well he did not know about my sexuality nor about my feelings, but we soon became friends. He wasn't actually a friend but more of a buddy who I would met occasionally from time to time and go for a movie or so.Well, that went for some years without anything to go wrong. However, last month we went for a coffee, when suddenly the discussion turned to "gays". And I wanted to see his reaction so I told him I am bisexual. He was shocked at first, and he did not believe me. Needless to say I was so terrified I would lose him but I stayed calm. We departed later on and as soon as I went home, an sms from him came to my phone asking me what is actually a bisexual, and why do I not choose whether I like guys or girls, and why I am greedy in wanting both genders. I told him it's not a choice but I was born this way, and it's like a man who likes both blonds and brunnetes! He took it well. I also told him to take kinsey's scale test so that he could read about other sexualities and for him to realize what sexuality he is. He told me (even though he didn't have to) that the test placed him straight. I told him nice and that the test gives you a result even if you answered truthfully or untruthfully. So its up to him whether the result is true, and that he didn't really have to tell me the answer since it was for his information and only.Ok this was the background. Now the situation. This last week we had chance encounters at bars and cafes. He was with his friends all the times but as soon as he was realizing I was there too, he left them for long time and sat to my table and talked. I felt embarrassed because he was ditching his friends over me. Anyway, last night was the last chance encounter before he left to resume his studies abroad, and when he saw me, he asked me to join his table with his friends. I really had to leave though so I told him goodnight and left. As I was going home a message came to my phone from him saying that I was a bad person (wrong word but can't write the word I want to say) for leaving so early and not staying. I told him, I was sorry and that I would like to be there but I really needed sleep so that was the reason I left. He continued to saying bad things, so I told him to go sit with his friends on that table and have a goodnight since I didn't want to engage in a discussion about that. He replied by saying "I want you to be here. You are the only thing missing".I didn't reply, nor sleep at night because I was thinking that last sentence...So the question is. Is he into me? Does he fight any homosexual feelings and does not want for them to come out?Please just leave me your opinion. It will be much appreciated. Thanks
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male
reader, anonymous, writes (23 May 2013): I am the OP of this question.Thank you "male reader, anonymous (21 May 2013)" for your answer!Well, he had never sent messages like that, before. Those messages started from the day I told him about my sexuality.What i have been thinking is that:A) maybe he felt getting closer to me since I "opened up" and shared my privacy. Anyway, this is still going to some point. I hold a distance though, so that I can be able to understand to the full what's happening. B) maybe he never met a bisexual and he is actually curious to see how we are, what we like and stuff. Maybe like if you were in a situation when someone tells you he is blind or something (no offence to blind people). What I mean is that maybe he is trying to understand what makes us different from straight or gay people. C) maybe he is testing the waters, to see if I am actually a bisexual by trying his methods of talking to girls and so on.I don't know... Maybe I am just giving too much thought in this.Thank you for the answer, I hope I gave you some feedback on your questions.
A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2013): So this was interesting to read. I mean sexuality is such an interest thing. People normally don't understand how fluid it is. It is really hard to say. I am a gay man and when I read the message that he sent you saying you are the only one missing here, I might not have been able to sleep too. I mean it is really sweet and it makes you start thinking things. Totally get that. But what I also find interesting and (we need to take into account) is the way he got angry with you and stuff for leaving. It seemed to me that he really got upset that you left which also makes me wonder why so. If it was just a normal relationship and he didn't want to nothing more, I don't think there would be any reason to get that 'emotional'. But then again I might be wrongMaybe some questions that you need to ask yourself in order to explore this issue. have you ever had any experience of him saying things like that to you - you are the only one missing here? Is he very expressive with you with his emotions? I know that might come off as too emotional, sending flags into the air but if your relationship has this base from before then it might change the way we read into this. Can you still speak to him? Ask him why did he say that? Be as friendly as you can. From the way you have written this, it seems you are not lusting after him so I think you can sort of be casual about it and ask him. I don't know if I am articulating this well but what I think you need to ask him is not even about his sexuality but about what type of friendship he wants with you and how he sees you and stuff. It might not be sexual in any way but it might those type of bromance relationship or even a very close one. I know there are friends who hug alot and sleep on each others' chest while watching a movie or even normal friends who say I love you to each other quite regularly. So ask him and sorry for getting a very hurtful response from the previous person. Ask him as best as you can!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (12 May 2013): I am the original poster of this question (i dont know how to properly reply as the OP but here it its). FIrst of all thank you for your answer WiseOwlE, even if it is a harsh one. ANyway, I did not say that I have sexual feelings for him, but only that of a friendship. THat is why I want to find if he has feelings for me, because I dont want that since that will ruin our friendship as it is.
It just seemed weird, his whole behavior and that is why I was asking for advice.
You just assumed so much and just opened your mouth and started saying lots of things about me wanting him sexually. But please read more carefully the next time you read a question here. So that when you answer, you know exactly to what you are answering.
Anyway thank you at least for your time.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (10 May 2013): No, he's not necessarily attracted to you sexually. He wants to be your friend and get to know you better. He learned to accept who you are and he was able to get past any prejudices he may have had in order to understand you. Someone he is beginning to like and respect.He may have over-reacted about your leaving the bar. He may have a had a little too much to drink. You gave a lame excuse. You were avoiding his other buddies because you selfishly wanted his attention focused only on you.Calling you names wasn't appropriate; but he got the point across. You were acting like whatever he called you.One thing is true. He went out of his way to spend time with you at your table. He wants to make you a part of his close circle of friends, and he may have told them a lot of good things about you. They may have wanted to meet you. That is how others are taught to be more tolerant and accepting. Case in point!You were very rude and inconsiderate to not even take a moment of your time to introduce yourself to the other guys; and showing your buddy your appreciation for his time spent with you earlier. Nor did you let him know how much you appreciate him for growing to accept you for who you are; and neglecting his other friends just to prove it.You are very selfish. How did this turn around to be all about you? He can't like you for just being a friend? He has to be attracted to you sexually? Are you that conceited and narcissistic? You owe him an apology. You need to think with your head and not your penis. You need to be considerate of how people feel about you, outside of their sexual orientation.You also need to brush up on your manners and etiquette.I've said it many times and I'll say it as often as necessary. Straight people can love you for who you are. They don't have to want you sexually. Friendships are formed out of love and respect, regardless of our differences. You might lose him as a friend, if he has to sex you to keep your attention. Must he meet this condition for any relationship to develop or continue? Straight people avoid having open and devoted friendships with gay people under the false assumption that we can't like them without becoming sexually attracted to them. It may be true in some instances, but we allow for those exceptions. If they're attractive looking people, anyone can crush on them. They should be flattered.Hello!!! Straight people can be loving and loyal friends to you without wanting to jump in the sack with you! Until he has invited you to have sex with him; try to see him as a man who wants to be your friend. That may be a little shaky now.It is quite self-centered to conclude that any guy who offers you attention, may be sexually attracted to you. If he makes outright sexual advances toward you, that should be proof enough. Guys you believe to be straight should always be allowed to make the first move. If he doesn't, don't even think about it.Try liking him above the waist first, and he'll let you know if he's interested in anything else. If he is still willing to be friends, be open and receptive to his other buddies as well. Even if it turns out he wants to jump your bones.
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