A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:So I'm just struggling on dealing with my moms put downs. My mother is a single mother, and she doesn't work because she's disabled and can't work because of her hand. Therefore she's always taking medications and is always moody. I think not having much money due to not being able to work adds to her stress. My mother never tells me she loves me. Her mother left her and her siblings when she was little , and was raised by her dad. I often here her say I never grew up with love so that's why I'm this way. So what my father was abusive to her and they separated I don't talk to or care to talk to my dad after all the damage he's done. I was also raised by just by a single parent but I have a big heart always put others before me, so what's my moms excuse. Everyday she finds a way to talk down on me. It's really upsetting because she's family she should lift me up not tear me down. I see how my friends and their moms get along and I could never do that with my mom. She raises her voice at anything. She's just terrible energy. I honestly just don't know what to do. It just all adds up and it's sad I can't be told anything nice from her. I honestly don't know how my step dad puts up with her it's not like she's loving at all. Can anyone help me? Give me some advice on what to do? It just hurts but she doesn't seem to care.
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female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (12 January 2016):
 Maybe she just simply does not know how to love you. Forgive her and make a life for yourself. You will find someone who will love you and will be the center of there life. Its difficult that your mother can not show you love, but I think in order to protect yourself you need to accept this. Be straight with her and tell her how she makes you feel.
A
female
reader, So_Very_Confused +, writes (12 January 2016):
 IF your mom is in pain from her disability then I somewhat get it.
I have chronic daily pain. IT changed me. IT made me cranky and intolerable. It renders me unable to do all but the bare minimum in my daily life. Pain steals our real personalities.
That being said, I'm so sorry your mom can't be the mom you want/need. You may find that creating a family yourself is better than depending on relatives to be your family.
What i would suggest is this....
Tell your mom that you no longer will have such negativity in your life and when she gets negative the conversation is over... then walk away.
IF you life with her, go to your room and shut the door.
If you are visiting her, leave her home.
Assume she is doing the best she can and forgive her for her weaknesses. This forgiveness is NOT for her but rather it's for you.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (12 January 2016): Sounds like she is broken and damaged as a result of everything that has gone on in her life. My mum and dad are the same, so screwed up by what has happened to them that that can't love like a normal person. The hardest thing you will have to do in.life is accept that your mum won't change, she will always be broken and may never be able to offer the love you need. But that is all her problem, not yours so work on letting it go since you want to stop this harmful cycle with her and not carry it on with your future kids. You could try telling her when she hurts your feelings. That way she is aware it what hurts you. I wouldnt push for love and compliments, just make yourself proud and know despite the toxic environment you have grown up in - you have suvived. Love will come from friends, partners, your children and yes from you! Just becausecyou feel unloved doesnt mean you are unloved, try to thin of your mum loving you in the only way she knows how. Love her. Maybe she never had anyone who did that. It is also ok to love her and not like her x
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