A
male
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:This guy and me, we're friends from childhood, we have known each other our whole lives. I'm gay and he's straight. Recently he broke up with his girlfriend and that's when he told me he'd like to try it with a guy (it meaning sex). I told him that it's ok to experiment, but then he told me he wants to try it with me. I was surprised, like very surprised and he said I'm the only gay man he knows so he thinks it makes sense that he turns to me. I didn't feel comfortable with it. I mean, he is handsome and he's a really nice guy but we're friends and I'm not sure friends should have sex with each other. I told him he could easily find other gay men that he could experiment with, he would get a lot of attention in gay clubs. But he said that why should he go and find some stranger that he doesn't know when I'm his friend, he knows me and feels safe with me. I guess in a way it makes sense but I don't really think it's right. That could have a negative impact on our friendship.
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (7 July 2019): I wouldn't do it. You'd be playing with fire. If you wanted sex, I am sure you can find it with any man you would choose. The same applies for him. Why even go there? There are plenty of choices. Friendships are different. They are much more rare. Your friendship might be awkward now even with his suggestion. I would probably not spend too much time with him.
A
male
reader, N91 +, writes (6 July 2019):
 If you didn’t think it was a bad idea you wouldn’t be questioning it in the first place.
Stick to your guns! Like mentioned before you’re not a guinea pig he can perform his experiments on. If he wants to try gay sex then he can find it on the appropriate dating sites.
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A
female
reader, Youcannotbeserious +, writes (6 July 2019):
 It makes NO SENSE WHATSOEVER! You KNOW that deep down otherwise you would just have agreed. Your gut instinct is screaming STOP at you to protect you from this.
You do not owe it to him to be his guinea pig. This screams DISASTER all over it. He has not told you he has feelings for you or anything, just that he wants to try having gay sex. Just because he is your friend does not make this ok. In fact, it makes it worse.
Strange that he has not shown any interest in trying gay sex until he is suddenly single (and probably feeling a bit low).
Stick to what you have already said. Tell him you are not willing to do this. If he really wants to experiment, let him do it with someone who is just out for casual sex. YOU deserve better.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (6 July 2019): We're in an age when people don't seem to know how to control their impulses, take grave risks, and act without thinking. As a result, coping with the after-effects from exposure to certain unfamiliar activities or delving into uncharted-territory can evoke a seriously adverse emotional-reaction. The mind just may not adjust to it. Certain ingrained parental-influences during childhood-development and psychological-conditioning just won't allow for the mind to accept it.
If you are truly heterosexual, gay-sex may not sit right with you. Just as heterosexual-sex won't work for someone who is assuredly gay.
Just about anything goes nowadays! It is far too common that people seem to have difficulty interacting on a simple emotional or personal level; and as a result of this, sex is treated far too casually. It's not just a mindless-exercise or frivolous form of entertainment. It should be something meaningful, intimate, and emotional between consenting-adults. Instead, people want to see just how far they can test the psyche before it fractures. Doing things they aren't absolutely certain they can handle. The raunchier, the more extreme or over-the-top, the better!
Porn creates all sorts of curiosities in viewers; but as an adverse side-effect, the industry is dehumanizing sex. Reducing it to fetishes, freak-shows, and filthy perverted acts. My guess is that it's a porn-induced curiosity he has.
Too often sex between friends will evoke the wrong kind of feelings.
If your better-judgement makes you cautious or apprehensive, I'd suggest that you listen to it!
Your friend wants to experiment; but he is not considering the psychological-ramifications, nor the emotional-implications crossing the line could have on your friendship. Is his mind able to deal with it afterwards?
All healthy friendships should have boundaries, rules, and guidelines. They are in-place to preserve the integrity and durability of your relationship. You're bros! Once sex is added, the dynamic of your friendship has been changed into "friends with benefits."
Now here's the catch. This may be no more than an experiment and an adventurous undertaking for him. Testing the forbidden. Completely detached, and of no particular importance once the deed is done. Perhaps never to happen again. Once his curiosity is satisfied, that's it!
You are a confirmed gay-man; that means you can be emotionally and romantically-attached to men. That's where the lines become blurred; and your feelings could be changed or confused. Far too often the gay-guy gets attached, and the gay-curious experimenter decides this ain't his cup of tea! You on the other-hand may have a different takeaway. You may love it! Then what? You may want to revisit that experience; while he will suddenly become distant, and start avoiding you.
Shame will set-in, and he will suddenly want nothing more to do with you; as if it was all your fault. I'm gay, and I've witnessed and observed this whole gay/bi-curious scenario from start to finish. Far too many times in the past. So often, the outcome is nearly predictable.
Don't be a guinea pig or a boy-toy. You're a human-being with feelings, and complications could arise. You should not be holding the crowbar to pry open his closet-door, or the one to "bring him over." Sometimes curiosity goes wrong; and emotional-scars are formed out of guilt and remorse. Hangups may surface, and he might not handle the psychological-effects of gay-sex as well as he might think he can.
As an experienced gay-man, I advise you not to cross that line. Why risk a possible negative-impact on your friendship? As things stand in the present, all is well.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Don't do it, it will ruin your frienship
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Hi
It doesn't make sense at all. You don't want to. End of. Just because you're gay, doesn't mean you're available to any guy who wants to 'try' you.
I think it's a possibility that he fancies you and is making the excuse that he knows you and feels safe with you, to get to make out with you.
It's a shame, because I think either way, your friendship with him is now on a slippery slope. If he likes and fancies you, it will be difficult for you to be just friends. And as you're not interested in anything else with him, this is all that's available to him.
It seems to me that he is treating you like a prostitute.
You are entitled to say 'no, I don't want to' and I think that's what you should do. Because you have said here that you don't want to.
Having sex with someone out of a sense of some kind of duty, will not be a good thing for your future friendship.
Good luck.
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A
female
reader, Honeypie  +, writes (5 July 2019):
 Listen to your gut, stick with the no, thanks.
You don't OWE him to be his sexual guinea pig. It WILL without doubt RUIN your friendship if you do try this.
IF he wants to experiment with men, THAT is on him. He might feel safe with you, but if this is NOT what he really wants - he WILL resent you.
Big mistake if you do. IMHO.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): Well the number one reason he should find someone else to experiment with is that you don't want to do it! You're not a toy to be played with just because he's curious. I would be livid if someone suggested that I just let them use me to experiment with because I was the only gay person they knew.
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (5 July 2019): I think you are 100% right, it would change your friendship dynamic. I don't think it's right to use you as some dude to experiment with either just because he knows you and you happen to be gay. Keep your friendship as it is if you like it that way. He can find other men to date.
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