A
female
age
26-29,
anonymous
writes:I've been in a relationship with my boyfriend now for 3/4 months. We are currently long distance but it is working fine. A month before we started dating I got an STI test and it came back negative, I also didn't have sex in between that test and having sex with my boyfriend. Long story short after some health issues I went to the doctors and ended up being told I had an STI. I should mention now my boyfriend hasnt had sex in 2 years before me and was tested (negative) and we have always used a condom. The doctor told me it is possible because of the time between last having sex and my test was relative short that something could have slipped through on the results. Obviously I want to inform my boyfriend about this as it is important and under no circumstances would I not tell him. However obviously I am a little nervous about telling him considering we are also long distance at the moment and wanted to know what would be the best way to approach this situation. Thank you!
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, aunt honesty  +, writes (19 October 2016):
 Make sure you know all the information and then just call him and tell him the truth. There is no easy way to say it just be honest, and at the end of the day remember you have done nothing wrong.
A
female
reader, Andie's Thoughts +, writes (17 October 2016):
 Find out from your doctor how to prevent it spreading and what treatment there is, so you can tell your boyfriend when you tell him you have an STD. Not enough people understand them, so it may make it less daunting if you give him the correct information at the same time.
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): While it is an awkward place you're in, the only solution I see is what you had in mind which is to be honest. If you can do it in person if possible that is preferred in this kind of situation. You just need to be prepared for all of the out comes of telling him. He could believe you and work towards moving forward. He could assume you cheated on him and not believe you. He could say he is okay with it but really not trust you and it could jeopardize your relationship. Or he may just flat out end the relationship. These may seem like extreme outcomes but they are possible and you should be mentally prepared for them before having this discussion.I also know this goes against what he said but there is also the possibility that he could have given you the STI and thats something you need to think about too. Im not saying go and blame him but just keep an open mind while trying to figure this out.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): my answer cut off before I was finished-I was in an in-between place with a friends with benefits long distance guy where we were deciding whether to actually date--and learned my test results and had to tell him THEN to factor it into his decision--and he was surprisingly very rational and mature about it. As long as you all are safe, continue to be safe, then it really should be treated as a horrible drawn out drama.
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A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 October 2016): Well the likelihood of him having something is lower with your use of protection, nothing may have ended up happening. But he needs to be informed. Give yourself a couple of days to get your mind in the right place. By that I mean, get to a place where you understand that these things happen, you caught something from someone else who didn't know and/or didn't tell you, doesn't make you a slut. Do your part to emotionally process and understand the STI/STD. Not just as a "knowledge as power" kind of thing but just so you help yourself remove any stigma you may feel. You're not alone, many people have been where you are.Then, when you approach him, just try to approach the subject clinically, medically and calmly. Let him know the situation at the doctors, how they missed it the first time around, etc. and what you're doing to either cure it or mitigate the symptoms. I'm not seeing how the long distance comes into play.
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