A
female
age
,
anonymous
writes:Hi I writing an update to (cheat cheat cheat)I am still with my husband who has cheated on me several times.Not a day goes by that I wish I had the guts to walk away, yes I love him or do I now? I know that my husband has cheated all though our marriage, the excuses/reasons he has given me if I am honest to myself are feeble (because he could) thinking I didn't love him is a cop out, he chose to be unfaithful, he didn't have to be, he knew what he was doing, he has said sorry and has told me he now knows how much I love him and it will never happen again. He knows how much pain he has caused and he said he wants to make it up to me as what he done was wrong.I asked him if I had never found out would he still be cheating his reply was maybe, but I did and things are different now as he knows I love and want him.Yes I am still with him 12 months later but I am unhappy, can't seem to move on, it's not easy. We row a lot, I have no trust and rarely believe him when he tells me he loves and wants to be with me till the day he dies.We have sex more now than we ever had, but to me that's all it is... sex... not making love. My feelings have changed, I look at him and hate what I see, I know you will say why am I still with him. The answser is... I honestly don't know.I am afraid to be alone and feel like I'm too old to start again. I have given myself to the end of the month to decide for both our sakes what I really want, some of the answers I got before have helped me sort out my feelings thanks.For those who think of cheating, think long and hard cos it hurts everyone around you and I don't just blame the other women cos my husband knew what he was doing but it does take two x
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): My suggestion is to leave him. He will cheat again , it is only a matter of time. He does not respect you at all. He would still be cheating if he was not caught.
I know that it is scary to start over.I would take a stand, be strong and know that you can be on your own. It may be hard at first and you will probably be sad for a while.just try to get yourself some hobbies and stay busy.Let him know that you do not need him.
Start the next chapter in your life, life is to short.
A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Thanks for taking the time to reply.NO he cannot love me as he would'nt of cheated on me. You can forgive once I know what i must do leave him as things will never be the same as the trust has gone ,I see him for what he really is a liar and cheat who would do and say anything to get what he wants and does not worry about who gets hurt as long as things go his way.x
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A
female
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): You and your husband ARE SEPARATE INDIVIDUALS. What you feel towards him has nothing to do with him. It means that you may still love him, but that is only the way you feel and has nothing to do with him. He may be cheating on you etc, what he does is only about him and not you.
You may still love him, but it doesn't mean he loves you. You may respect him and not cheat on him, but it doesn't mean that he does the same and be loyal to you.
If you love yourself enough then you would walk away from him asap. He is not a good husband if he cheats on you. He does not respect you etc.
I suggest you leave your husband, since he may cheat again and since you do not feel the same anymore about him. You are still young enough and you can still start again as a wiser, more mature person-but first find out what triggers you to be in an unhealthy relationship. You need to figure out who you are as a person and what you really deserve. Besides what's the point in staying together with your husband if you are NOT happy???
Starting over may be difficult at the beginning but as you go through it you will be much stronger and healtier person. It's the best gift that you can give to yourself.
Love yourself and take care of yourself.
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A
female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Hi there..
I am sorry to hear of your stress over this situation. When reading your question, i realised you were answering your own question, just perhaps not realising it!
For instance, you said: 'Not a day goes by that I wish I had the guts to walk away' and that your feelings have changed. The biggest issue here is that the trust is gone. Even if your husband never cheats again, the damage is done and you will always doubt him. It wasn't even one occurrence (although that is bad enough and justifies leaving him) but many times that he has betrayed you.
You say you don't know why you're still with him, and yet you've answered your own question: 'I am afraid to be alone and feel like I'm too old to start again.'
I reckon this is a normal feeling to experience, but think of the flipside: shouldn't you be MORE afraid to throw the rest of your life away in an unhappy marriage? That is what should make you afraid, much more afraid than leaving.
Letting go is difficult, because we are afraid of the unknown. But remember the quote: we can only discover new oceans when we have the courage to lose sight of the shore. If this relationship was fulfilling you, there would be more for you to think about. But you're unhappy and you seem tied to this fate. That is no way to live.
Your husband has betrayed you, but why are you continuing his work by betraying yourself? You deserve better than him, than this!!
Just a few thoughts that sprang to mind when reading your question...
Good luck and let us know how it goes
xx
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A
female
reader, Fairy_Lu +, writes (17 February 2009):
 I think you should leave him, i honestly do he cheated on you he doesnt respect or love you he cheated on you and even said if you had not have found out he might still be doing it. You are never to old to start over and you deserve someone who will love and respect you, you should not have to look at your husband and hate what you see and know what he has done to you, you should be able to look in his face and see the love in his eyes.
He cheated and you let him get away with it by taking him back and to be honest once a cheater gets away with it once he no doubt will do it again.
Do yourself and him a favour and go your seperate ways he does not deserve you and you do not deserve what he did to you.
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reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): Hug.
You can make as many excuses for him as you want for him, its what he does that counts. If you have forgiven him then you have to actually forgive him and is sounds like that has turned to hate(your words). so it reads more like you don't want him anymore.
You have in my view (sorry very black white view these days). Either split up - you will find someone I am sure you have gained enough self respect to realise that you aren't comfortable with him Or... if you think there is something (just an ounce)left then maybe try counselling or a trial separation? ( i am no expert at this point so will shut up now)
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