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age
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anonymous
writes: Hi All! I am more used to giving advice than asking for it. I need some opinions on this. I'm very confused! I have been in a LDR for almost a year. We have been together only twice, but both times it was wonderful and we were both very happy. We fell in love. We talk every night. And email daily. He has sent me expensive gifts. And even helped me pay off my home so I could sell it and move to his area. I am in the process of getting a transfer there. It's a possibility that I will get a pay increase at that location, and it is a beautiful area, and will still be about an hour away from him. I am attempting to do this all on my own (remaining independent) So, I have been very excited about the entire trasition! However, for about a week now...He has been acting strange...I think he is having second thoughts. He has been very negative and every positive thing I say, he comes back with a negative reaction. After talking about the move for about an hour last night, he called me back to tell me if I should decide not to make the move, it's okay! There was more said, but I would have to write a novel! I am tempted to cancel the entire transfer and plans to move. The thing is, I think I might like living there, even if things don't work out with him. And yet, I have an established life here...lots of friends, family, etc. I don't know what to do! I need some thoughts from my fellow Aunts!
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female
reader, No_Nonsense  +, writes (17 February 2009):
 Hi there
Sorry to hear that this is happening to rain on your parade!! It sounds like the typical case of cold feet.
Your suspicions could be right about him having a change of thought... Especially because he said if you can't make it, it's okay... But i think you should speak to him about it and have a real chat about your relationship. That way you can see if he's just having doubts or if there's something more serious.
That said, if you feel you want to make the move for YOU irrespective of him, then you should!! It sounds like a great new phase of your life. Yes, you will be leaving behind your family and friends, but from reading your email i got the impression that you will be gaining a lot more, such as an exciting new phase of your life.
Perhaps once you speak to your guy about where you're both at and the issue is resolved, then you can think about where YOU stand and what you want to do. The former could help clear your thoughts on the latter!
If you're still confused, it could help to ask yourself how you would feel living there day-to-day. What will you miss from your current life? What won't you miss? What are the REAL pros of leaving versus the realistic CONS? If you sort through your thoughts and feelings, it will shed light on the situation.
And then of course: Allow yourself to be silent and listen to your inner voice! It is never wrong :)
Best of luck to you
A
reader, anonymous, writes (17 February 2009): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThankyou Icelordess! Our stories are very similiar. I am so sorry for your troubles! My guy is also over 2,000 miles away. The whole reason I made the decision to get my own place was to not burden him. He has been a bachelor for 16 years...and I thought it would ease his mind that I am doing my best to remain independent, and also I felt it would keep the romance in the relationship. We would've been far enough apart not to cramp eachothers lives, but close enough to see each other when we want to. I feel like I have been the one making the effort, and all he does is think about the "what-ifs" I am really becoming fed up with his vascilation!
Maybe I should tell him, I need to take a break...some time to think. I need to process this and hopefully I will get some more opinions from the Aunts! I would like some Mens' take on the situation, also!
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