A
male
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:I am 27 years old and live at home with my parents. I recently split up with my girlfriend of three years. The relationship had been secret for two out of the three years. The first year my parents were aware of my GF but they did not know that she had children. I told my mother about her children and she was so upset, I mean she was beside herself, she cried and pleaded that I ended it. I felt it was best to finish the relationship as my mother was so hurt. well a few months on we got back together, but it was a strict 'secret' arrangement. I found it hard to end the relationship as my GF and I had such a great bond. During the 2 years we were back together I had felt so much guilt for lying to my mother. My mother is a wonderful women and I respect her dearly but sometimes she makes me feel trapped, she walks in my room without knocking and does not give me any space. she has also follows me to try and catch me out, I have even caught looking through my cell phone.so anyways a few weeks back she follows me and catches me with my GF, she jumps out the car and demands I go home with her, which I did. It was the same thing again, she cried and she was so hurt, she told me that I am such a 'disappointment' and I again ended my relationship with my GF. I do not want to hurt my mother and I see how I can deal with. Everyone has told me to move out and be a 'man' but again I do not want to hurt my mother. My ex GF took me to see a therapist I think she thought I would get back with if we had support. I cannot ever get back with her and both her and the therapist made me feel small. I wanted to split with my GF because it will never work if my mother is unhappy. I miss her and I love her but I am sure if my mother disowned me then I`d miss her more. What is a man supposed to do? I don`t think my mother was being unfair, is it not just a case of she cares? Or is everyone I speak to right, do I have a inappropriate relationship with her, and how can I fix it?
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female
reader, Honeygirl  +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Hun, as long as you live at home, your mom is going to see you as her 'little boy' who she will protect from the evil world...
At 27 you should really consider living on your own, the independence will be well worth it.
As far as your gf goes, she is probably not the choice your mother would have made if she could have chosen you a gf, but your gf is your choice, whether a good choice or not... YOUR CHOICE!!
So start looking around for a small place and make plans to move out!
Your mother probably cannot imagine her life if you are not living under her roof - but trust me, once the children move out, life takes on new meaning. Your mother needs to find new things to occupy herself with, not chasing after her adult son!!
A
female
reader, MonksDaBomb +, writes (4 June 2010):
 Are you an only child or the youngest in the family? I am the youngest in my family and my mom often treated me like a child, going into my room without knocking, telling me I should do this and do that. I am almost 27 years old. You need to tell your mother that you are a grown man who can make his own decisions. And if you love your gf, please do not end the relationship just because your mother would not approve and will get upset and would "disown you." Trust me, I'm in a similar situation and yes, it will upset my mom, but hey it's my life and i know what I'm doing. Good luck!
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A
male
reader, anonymous, writes (4 June 2010): I really don't want to be blunt here, but I feel it's necessary - Grow the hell up! At 27 years of age, you should not be living according to your mother's rules. You are a grown man with a mind and life of your own. Your mother should have no say in how you lead that life, regardless of how nice a person she may be.
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A
female
reader, yowie  +, writes (3 June 2010):
 Dude, I'm sorry, your mother may indeed be a wonderful woman, but she cannot see that you have grown up and have your own life to live. You are a disappointment because you found someone else to share your life with, and she would not have you to herself. She should have been happy that you found someone to love. You say you cannot ever get back with your GF. Are you truly happy about that? Not your mother, YOU? If no, you are doing it for the wrong reason. Its your life. You really don't want to look back in 5,10,20 years and realise you gave up your life so your mother could keep her little boy - and that is how she sees you - and become bitter and angry towards her instead.
Best wishes.
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