A
female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:I've ended a relationship after over 4 years as I knew deep down that we had reached the end of the road. I had been confused over my feelings for a good few months and could never see a longer term future for us. It was my feelings for him that changed and although we tried to make a go of things after a brief split a few months ago, my heart hasn't really been in it.So why now do I feel so unsure about it being the right decision? Am I just going through a grieving process that I will then come out of? Help! Reply to this Question
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reader, anonymous, writes (28 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMany thanks Pork Hock - it does help. I do know it's well and truely over and I think I need to remind myself of the no-so-good times now and again.
Thanks again - take care x.
A
female
reader, Pork Hock  +, writes (28 June 2007):
Of course you have doubts and seeing them physically is terrible or hearing about them. The fact that you have remained who you are and have been your own self is more important and she be a clear indicator that you really have moved on. Don't see this as a life regret or mistake but that you have grown and gone on an incredibly long and turbulent journey but you made it back home.
That is all I can say...try and think of one of those moments where you are stuck at an airport or trying to get a bus or taxi home and you would do anything to help yourself. That is the mindset. You learn to cope, put aside anguish and just forge ahead. Does that make sense?
I find the loss pretty awful at times but then again, I just keep thinking what have I learnt, and how do I remember when I was there at that place and I quickly remember I don't want to go back to that feeling or issue again.
Does that help?
x
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Pork Hock - thanks for your continued support. I felt that I really been getting on with things but then a few weeks ago, doubt crept in. Had I really done the right thing? I have seen my ex out and about and I know he still wants to sort things out between us but if I can't see a longer term future for us then surely I couldn't and shouldn't be with him? You mentioned in a previous reply o me that you had recently ended things with your partner after 3 years, how are you doing? Have you ever had doubts that you did the right thing? Or have you decided to try and work it out? Thanks for all your time.
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reader, anonymous, writes (23 June 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionDear Pork Hock. Thanks for your last comment. I was really getting to grips with everyone and now for some reason, doubt has crept into my mind. Did I really do the right thing? I still think deep down that it was the right decision but I've seen my ex a couple of times and he would still try and sort things out. But...if I can't see a longer term future with him, surely I can't and shouldn't be with him? I note you said in an earlier reply to me that you had recently split with your partner after being together 3 years - how are you doing? Did any doubts creep in? Are you still apart or have you made another go of it? Many thanks for all your time.
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female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (22 June 2007):
I am answering to anonoymous who made a comment about my comment! I really admire your courage for striking out on your own and getting that bar job. I really think you've done a wonderful thing of going for it and just getting your teeth into things. Life throws you curve balls but you can handle it.I really admire you...keep it up. Pork Hock x
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reader, anonymous, writes (22 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionThanks Pork Hock. I'll bear all that you've said in mind. I know it was the right decision and now the only way is up.
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female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (22 May 2007):
No you will not end up in the same position 6 months down the line...you don't know it yet but when you start dating or going out or whatever, your instinct will kick in and you will know just on your own without even thinking, you know perhaps to ask more questions of him, get him to know you and believe me your understanding and wisdom of what you've seen before will be the kick, and you'll know it all on your own.
Listen to yourself and your own instincts.
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reader, anonymous, writes (21 May 2007): This is verified as being by the original poster of the questionMessage to Pork Hock! Many thanks for your good advice. I have a 12 year old son from a previous marriage who keeps me busy and I've also been doing loads of walking etc. I have also applied for new jobs at work that will get me focussed and I've got myself a bar job one evening a week so I don't dwell on it.
I know deep down that this was the right decision but it's still hard to be sure. I think it's the fear of the unknown when the guy was nice and genuine and there are lots of not so nice people out there. If I was to make another go of it, it would be the easy option but then 6 months down the line, I could see myself being here again.
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female
reader, Pork Hock +, writes (21 May 2007):
Yes it is grieving of a sort, you know what your decision was and is and yet you miss everything about them, time together, memories and everything seems to become heightened in your emotions for this person. You probably find yourself thinking of him or yourselves together all the time. My answer is you HAVE to keep yourself really busy to the point of dropping into bed at night. Being alone, looking at photos, old memories just makes you doubt. Remember WHY in the first place it wasn't going to work out. You are lonely and there is nothing wrong with that...see it as YOUR time to find YOU...not as feeling alone or abandoned. Write down ten things you'd like to do in your life, whether it is win the lottery, buy a pair of expensive shoes, go to some country you've always wanted to visit but start with the big goals first, then write down what you want to do this month, this week...call an old friend, take up an old hobby...I know it all sounds very cliche, but honestly, getting off the couch and thinking of yourself and who you are is very rewarding. I just broke up with someone after 3 years and it was my decision and while I've had terrible miserable moments, I know that I wake up to me and myself and my goals and who I am, not wondering if or when or what? All uncertainties...whereas I've known myself all my life and deep down with some soul-searching I've found who and what I want again. You can do the same, I know you can.
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male
reader, DV1  +, writes (21 May 2007):
 Do you have a fear of being alone? One thing that I've seen many people go through is almost a state of emotional shock after a breakup. I dumped my last girlfriend, but I wasn't used to being alone, and it made me depressed for a while. I found that it wasn't the relationship that I was mourning over. It was that I was single again, and not used to it.
Best wishes,
DV1
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