A
female
age
51-59,
*hippy2
writes:Here I am again - Another Holiday weekend and I am still reeling about the guy who I was seeing for four years and who found someone else when my mother was dying. It has been four months and it is still like a fresh wound.I know we were having problems about the same issues before this happened but why cant I get over it?To be honest I just stopped texting and or talking to him a week and a half ago. His birthday was yesterday and it took all I had not to contact him. But I didnt.I am happy to have the chaos out of my life and his kids and parents and dog I dont miss. But I miss him.Or maybe I dont miss him - I dont like the feeling of being left out or rejected somehow. Football season is gonna start and I am way stressed out about not watching the games with him like we have in the past.How can he live without me? My therapist says he does miss me its just that he doesnt miss me enough to change.I was stupidly staying in touch with him till I spoke with a mutual friend who said that my xguy said I was a bother. WHAT? BUT the friend did not know my xguy had been texting me and asking to see me! So xguy was making me look and sound like some obsessed stalker!I am sick over this. How can someone say they love you and b so close then go on to be sleeping with someone else?Xguys stepson thinks that xguy is really in love with me and is afraid. But now he has been with this woman for 4 months - staying in touch with me - and always tells me how his friend says she is great for him and that she tells the friend how much she loves him? Huh? Why isnt she telling him? and What about me?Someone tell me what is going on here - I cant accept that he doesnt want to be with me. Still so confused - fix me!Thanks
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
female
reader, Jayney Y  +, writes (5 September 2009):
 Sorry, I can't fix you. But, I can say that if you cut all contact with him you will get over it. It will take a couple of months of no contact and then that vile empty feeling will start to go away. Glad to hear you didn't send him a birthday message, keep it up. Just get on with your life, a life without his kids, or his parents, or his dog...or him. You won't be able to move on until you stop all contact because regular contact with a recent ex just drags out the inevitable anxiety that separation brings on. You can do it. :)
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