A
female
age
36-40,
* Young
writes:HiI moved in with my boyfriend about 2 and a half months ago, i was changing jobs and he is going through a divorce. We had argued a little (mainly down to me, he was soo patient), but generally things were good. i found it hard at first to share the flat with him as i was always used to having my own space, anyway.. about 3 weeks ago he went away for the weekend on a trip (planned ages ago) and when he came back he told me he had had time to think and that he thought we should break up. Some of his reasons were -his divorce etc, -us being 'different'(ie i wasnt as affectionate at first as it takes me a long time to do that sort of thing with someone), he wasn't 'ready'. Yeah i know, the usual excuses.Then he changed his mind when i got upset, and then the third time he said it that was it. He said everything would be ok.The thing is we have to move out on 5th dec, and he says we should find separate places nearby, and remain close, seeing eachother every other day etc (wondering if it will happen). We still hug and kiss, and cuddle up in bed and watch films and do everything together, but i KNOW i shouldn't be doing this because he dumped me. He still says he loves me.He actually said he had wanted to end it though a few time before it actually happening, as he would change his mind straight away and say he was just being stupid.I want to stay with him as he is a really good guy, despite all this. To me the money issues are not the real reasons, i feel i have pushed him away by not being overly affectionate at first like he was.I have tried so hard with him, and we have just begun to get on extremely well!!! Each night we have such a laugh and it feels like our love is even stronger than before, despite the fact we are supposed to be split up :( Thanks for any advice
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divorce, money, moved in, my ex, split up Reply to this Question
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female
reader, M Young +, writes (17 October 2007):
M Young is verified as being by the original poster of the questionHi!
Thanks big john. Your answer was very helpful.
Collaroy, thankyou. For your information, I have shared future plans with him, we have even travelled together. So "watching tv" is not exactly all we do. (?!) So slightly immature reaction there.
We both work long hours in the heart of london and the way we relax in the evenings is down to us. Thanks.
Thankyou Tommy7. Very intelligent.
Cheers guys!! xxxx
A
male
reader, bigjohng  +, writes (16 October 2007):
There are a couple of signs that aren't good - you say he is "going through a divorce". It sounds like he split up with his ex not too long ago, and he may not have taken sufficient time to heal. I would hate to say that you are the "rebound girl", but that is a good possibility, considering the circumstances. Despite this, if you and your boyfriend want the relationship to work, it can. It will take a lot of communication and work for the both of you. If you or he have any doubts that you'll stay together, it may be a good idea to live seperately after your lease is up. You can live close by if you want, but do not move in the same apartment complex. If you then decide to split up for good, you don't have to see each other. If you end up moving in together again, your relationship will be stronger. If I had to summarize this whole answer, I would say proceed with caution!
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A
male
reader, Collaroy  +, writes (16 October 2007):
 Hi,
you sound very confused , and I can see why.
You are 22-25: seriously what are you doing getting involved in this type of situation? You should be out meeting new people and enjoying life at your age.
It sounds like you simply are not meant for each other, but neither of you have the courage to end the relationship once and for all. Kissing and hugging and watching T.V is not a relationship, a relationship is sharing dreams, making future plans and of course sex amongst other things.
You two should go your seperate ways when you move and you should try and meet new people. Expand your horizons and you will probably meet that guy who pushes all the right buttons. Isnt that what you want?
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A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (16 October 2007):
You have a low sex drive and he has a higher sex drive. This does not bode well for a good future. Either negotiate a settlement or go your separate ways. I think he has decided that all hope is gone for him.
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