A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:A man tells his wife he can't do their relationship anymore and wants a divorce. His wife is devastated, but has since "accepted the facts of the situation". This was 3 weeks ago. In the last 3 weeks, they have separated the bills (not legally set it on paper), opened up individual checking accounts (while keeping their joint account open as well...for bills), and she has supposedly sought the advice of an attorney. He has moved into a different bedroom/bathroom in the same house. Their days go by with basically as little communication as possible.I guess my question is...in 3 weeks time, shouldn't one of them be out of the house so that the official separation period can begin? Does it seem strange to anyone else that you would ask for a divorce, and then just sit back and do nothing about it? She has supposedly met with an attorney...yet she has made no mention of it, and he hasn't asked her about it.In my own personal experience, I informed my then-spouse that I wanted a divorce, had him out of the house that evening (not completely moved out, but physically out of the house), officially filed for divorce 3 weeks later, and the divorce was final 60 days later. Different state, different legal procedures. I'm just curious as to whether or not my friend's situation seems "normal".Just some added tidbits...there is no romantic interest on either of our parts for each other. I'm struggling with what kind of advice to give him...especially when he complains about her presence.
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female
reader, Blue_Angel0316 +, writes (9 February 2010):
 It may be a a thing of convienience. It is costly to move. If they are trying to finish paying off some old bills they have togetheror even ones they owe seperately it can get pretty hard while taking one ven more bills living seperate. IF the couple really want an out and a legal seperation before the actual divorce it is usually customary that they not abide in the same dwelling. Of course this is up to the couple. If he has another girlfriend and I am edging here why you are a bit concerned about his complaining about her but she hasn't moved out....I am wondering why he just doesn't go himself.
Sometimes when a couple decides to divorce they move too hastily and in fact the outcome isn't what they expected nor what they wanted the end results to be. I myself experienced a hard time with a man who wanted me to go and 6 weeks later he wanted me back. In less than two days after leaving he was already calling. Only 2 1/2 months after the seperation I moved back but he was always comming around,having me come to his house,picking me up to come. Now some 2 1/2 years almost later we are still together. What sometimes seems strange or not normal may not always be what is. You see in some cases it's a case of need, financial or emotional. Sometimes mistakes are made and people realize things weren't as bad as they thought. Divorce is hard. Sometimes letting go is a hard process. Sometimes we don't want to be somewhere we are but choices have to be made for a moment in time in order to survice or survive.
I would suggest you try to find out what your friend feels about being there and if he can deal with leaving himself. I am sure if his wife-ex to be is already devasted he may be afraid to push her for fear of making things worse for someone he once cared so much about. BTW my breakup was brought on by some nosey, so called friends. It took almost 3 months for me to leave because my ex-b/f at the time kept telling me I didn't have to rush. I could take my time to find a place and get set up , etc. Fact is....he thought it was best but in his heart he really didn't want me to go. Now when you add it all up, maybe, just maybe your friend still has feelings of some sort for the woman. If so that's going to be tough. Or perhaps he just wants to push her out but doesn't quiet know how to do it. If the house is community property he would have to go thru the courts to have her evicted most likely. Then judgement on that would be up to a Judge.
Be his friend and let him take the time he needs to do what is right for him. I pray that your friend and his soon to be ex can come to terms on things so they won't have to suffer needlessly. To you I send my best in thoughts for a friend who obviously cares. I however would be reluctant to get overly involved as you may be seen as the problem and could wind up getting dragged into court and your name thru the mudd. Even though you say nothing has aspired between the two of you, any contact on a personal basis could result in causing reasonal doubt and could cost him. Your kindess and generous nature could be deemed as an interference and could be construed Alliantion of Affections.
I hope that things work out for the best and that GOD can take charge and give all of you the relief you are hoping for.
God Bless,
Blue_Angel
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