A
female
age
41-50,
anonymous
writes:Dear Cupid... Have I got a problem.. I was living with someone for 10 years, we had two daughters and a horrible relationship. We were young and naive and ended up seperating. Then right away I started seeing the man who is now my husband of 3 years, and we have a 1 year old daughter. I am still in love with my ex and have been "dating" him behind my husbands back. My husband has no idea and has done nothing wrong I just can't help who I love, and sometimes I think I moved to fast into a relationship with him. I know I am a horrible person and want to make things better and right. I love them both and am scared to hurt either one. What do I do?
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Fancy yourself as an agony aunt? Add your answer to this question! A
male
reader, Tommy7 +, writes (26 September 2007):
Dump the ex and try to reconcile with your husband. If not, divorce him and wait awhile before dating your ex.
A
male
reader, rcn +, writes (26 September 2007):
 Either way, it's time to tell your husband. He has the right to know what you've been doing. No you can't help who you love, but you could have helped who's you're going to end up hurting. You're still in love with someone who you had a horrible relationship with. Do you recognize the saying "History repeats its self?" You're not a horrible person, you just suck when it comes to making decisions. Here's the deal. This is a triangle of deception. Make things better and right. Being honest for one, can make things better, but I really don't think you are going to make things right like they were before you made poor choices.
I would have to say you really don't love either one. If you did, you wouldn't put yourself in the position of deciding who gets hurt and who doesn't. Aside from that, you have children by both. There will be at least one child who will be hurt by this deception. If you leave your husband, there's a chance of a child being separated from their father. I said a chance because if he's a good parent, courts are awarding less and less for the one who caused the problems. It's something about parents decisions having something to do with the growth of the child. I don't know where they come up with that stuff.
No matter what you do, you're going to have to face the music. You got yourself in this, the truth may hurt, but deception hurts even worse. If you don't, your guilt is going to eat at you until the relationship eventually explodes.
If you choose your husband, with your deceptive behavior, he now should be given an opportunity to choose if this marriage is something, under these circumstances, that he chooses to be in, or terminate. Remember anytime it comes down to making a choice, always start with the truth.
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