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female
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes: My boyfriend broke up with me after dating for a year. We had arguements like up couples do. It's been four months since the break-up. I was devastated because I didn't know the real reason why we broke up. I asked him on several occassions to talk about it so I could see if we were on the same page to just be friends and he would keep giving me the run-around like he had something to do all the time I asked him. He finally told me this pass week that he was dealing with a lot of issues. I asked him if I could be there for him as a friend to help him through this. He don't call me any more. I stopped caliing him to, but when he sees me, he always give me a hug and he constantly stares at me whenever we are in the same room. I feel in my heart that the love is still there, but he can't concentrate on me because of his own issues. I still love him in my heart. I was told to follow my heart. How can I get him to trust me? How I do I get him to let me in as a friend? I know I can't force him to be with me, but I feel that he's holding something back because of the way he looks at me. How do I tell him not to touch me and just shake my hand when he sees me because it stems up old memories?
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female
reader, dearkelja  +, writes (18 June 2008):
 I am agreeing with the others, you need to allow him to have his time and space to work out his issues. The best thing to do for you is to distance yourself and try to move on. Being friends with someone you still care about more than a friend is next to impossible unless you give yourself the time away from him to heal. You are never going to stop caring about him and you will always have feelings for an ex (unless they did something to take that away) so being a friend down the road is ok to do.
As for him hugging you and for how he feels, none of us can tell you why but you can tell him it makes you feel uncomfortable. I am sure he still cares and maybe he feels a little guilty.
Hard as this is to do, try to move on and say away for a little while.
A
female
reader, nettles  +, writes (17 June 2008):
 It seems like he may need some time to himself, rushing into friendship after a relationship can often not work as there hasn't been time to get over the relationship.
His issues may even be related to you or your relationship which may explain why he doesn't want to discuss it with you.
Give him some space to deal with his issues, trying to avoid him as much as possible for a few weeks and then see how things go after that.
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A
female
reader, softballplaya +, writes (17 June 2008):
 hun, I know exactly what your going through. My ex and I split up and he now wants nothing to do with me. Guys are just like this for some reason. Maybe it makes the situation more awkward knowing that you two are still in contact but nothing is like it was. Taking a relationship from the point where it was before and trying to tone it down to a friendship level is pretty difficult. Its even harder knowing that you still have feelings for him. He is prolly trying not to hurt you by distancing himself and letting you heal. I know how your feeling like when he looks at you, how it makes you reminisce of the past and stuff. Its hard as hell. He may still have feelings for you in a way if he still hugs you or stares at you or shows signs that he does, he prolly still does. Afterall it was personal issues he had that broke you two up, its not like he lost feelings. A way to tell him that you want it to be friendship based only is to kindof hint to him...like if he goes to hug you, stop him and tell him you two are FRIENDS now. Just figure a way to incorporate friendship into your conversations when you have one with him next time. let him know, he will get the drift eventually. Dont respond to his gestures instigating more than friendship because it will make you look like the one who wants him too ya know? So steer clear of this. This is a hard step in a relationship because you still have feelings and your not over him. Things will work out. I look at it as this : things happen for a reason and whats meant to be will always find its way. I dont really know if I helped you at all but if you need anything feel free to private mail me. I know what your going through girl, keep your head up high
take care && good luck
..Kalynn=]
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