A
male
age
51-59,
anonymous
writes:My girlfriend wants to go to lunch with her ex boy friend I told her I did not want her seeing him yet she said they were only friends and she wanted to remain friends and I had no right telling her who she could see or not see. She claimed I do not trust her. It is not that, it is when will it stop, would she go on another lunch with him? How many other boyfriends will come out of the woodwork? BTW we are making plans to get married. She is very upset and told she would call me in two days. Your thoughts?
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female
reader, anonymous, writes (8 October 2010): I would not be comfortable with my boyfriend going out and being friends with an ex. I think it presents a risk, whether the person is trustworthy or not. What happens if you two get in an argument? Is she going to confide and seek comfort from her ex-boyfriend?
Your girlfriend is right in that you have no right to 'tell' her what to do. However, you should tell her how seeing her ex makes you feel. There's nothing wrong with your feelings of discomfort with this situation. Many, if not most, people would find this situation uncomfortable.
My girlfriend's boyfriend was staying in contact with his unhappily married ex-girlfriend. She told him if he didn't stop having contact with her, she would leave the relationship. He stopped, and they are now happily married. My sister was upset because her boyfriend kept a picture of his ex-girlfriend on his desk. My other sister 'tried' accepting her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend as his friend, until he slept with her. My hairdresser was okay with her boyfriend being friends with the ex-wife (there were kids in this case) until it seemed the ex-wife took priority over her at times. Believe me, there's nothing wrong with your feelings, and your girlfriend should understand that.
In my opinion, your girlfriend is side-stepping the real issue and turning it into a "You don't trust me" issue. The real issue is "Is it really okay for a person to do lunch and be friends with an ex-sweetheart, especially if the current sweetheart is not comfortable with it?" It's not like she has kids with this ex, true? So, what is her need to be friends with him all about?
A
female
reader, bitterblue  +, writes (7 October 2010):
 You don't have to think she is meeting an ex, think she meets a regular friend - male or female, and how you would act then, act also in this case. Some people like to stay friends with former partners, ask them for their health from time to time and catch up on latest happenings, etc. I am pro friendship with EXs, for one. Nothing that should be worrisome if the basic relationship is solid and based on trust. Maybe you can even meet him at some point.You should definitely not forbid her to do this and that. I don't think this is worth the argument, really, it's just lunch with a friend, probably at reasonable hours and she is going to tell you all about it if you act nicely and don't radiate mistrust through all pores. Besides, if she wants to cheat she would do it anyway with no way for you to stop it.
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