A
female
age
30-35,
anonymous
writes:My boyfriend of a year and half and I resently broke up. Neither he nor I have told anyone of the breakup. Is hard for me to believe it happen. He says he wants to take me back but I need to change because I annoy him too much. He is also talking to other girls right now and I'm all alone with my misery. I told him I'm unhappy with out him. He says he is not unhappy he just misses us a lot. He says he loves me. Today he called me by a nickname he used to call me when we first started dating and everything was fine. He calling me by that nickname just confused me even more. He says he misses the way I use to be happy and joyful because now I'm always sad and depressed. I was told my bestfriends that I was unhappy with him because sometimes he is a sweet heart and some time he is an Ass. They think he is using me because I am "stuck" on him. Because I don't want to move on because I have hope of us Getting back together. I don't want to believe that's the truth...We still have sex every now and then and he says he is not with anyone else in that sense and I believe him. What I want to know is should I stick around wait to see what happens with us or just find my own path in life without him?I thought about stop talking to him but I am very afraid he would hate me if I do. Or move one without me. I don't know what to do. I don't want to be without him. But at the same time I don't want him to use me.
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reader, anonymous, writes (10 August 2009): To be honest it sounds to me like he is currently using you. He doesnt want to give you up yet doesnt want to be with you officially either. by change , what does he want to change? because really he should accept you as you are unless there are obvious things you are doing that you can change (i.e not smothering, communicating more - just examples, not saying these are in your case). if he is asking to change your personality though then pooh him, get rid of him girl!!
my honest advice would be to back right off. as hard as it is and as much as you love him, he will continue to be this way with you until either someone else better comes along or until you get annoyed and end it yourself. perhaps if you stop giving in to the sex and start focusing on making yourself happy in life he will suddenly realise how much he does want you. but while youre giving him what he needs and making out like you will change to whatever he wants, of course he will hang on to you. im not saying it isnt worth it and wont work out, but i am saying perhaps you do need space, time to focus on your own life and learn to be happy in yourself without him . i doubt he will hate you but he will hopefully realise you arent going to give in to him and he needs to give more to you than what he currently is to have you. all the best with it.
A
female
reader, Starlights  +, writes (10 August 2009):
 Firstly your bf has told you if you want to get back with him you have to change... this is not a good basis because someone should love you for who you are.
Secondly he is talking to other girls and u believe he isnt sleeping with any of them?
maybe its true or maybe it isnt... but by behaving like this he seems to be showing you he has moved on.
Thirdly you shouldnt have sex with him until your sure of your feelings, otherwise you will feel like this, confused.
Your ex bf sounds like he is slowly moving on, and i would think carefully before being with someone who puts you down by saying your never happy, telling you you need to change, and speaking to other women, whilst saying he isnt sleeping with any of them.
Its a hard choice, but only one you can make.
Life is constantly about change, and your right, dont let him use you.
be strong.
Your entitled to have a guy who loves you just as you are.
Good luck!
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